Older, wiser but nicer?

[donq]

It was my birthday a few days ago and I got two meaningful messages: one was directly from my dear friend; another one indirectly from a monk.
My friend said, "Today is your birthday and you are not younger, but wiser and wiser, and still so nice".

I think being older might makes us wiser in one way or another, but somehow it's hard to make us being nicer. We've seen more and known more in every last year that passed by. People were not who we thought they were; things were not as we thought they were. Everything has changed or we changed? Or both? Or neither?

The message from the monk was about sharing. It is not only material sharing but also spiritual sharing. Spiritual sharing includes expanding our lovings to everything/everyone all around you.

There's a Buddhist chant called Mettā bhāvanā or "spreading loving kindness to all beings":

May all beings subject to birth, aging, illness, and death, be happy.
May all beings be free from enmity, ill-will,
May all beings be free from exploiting each other,
May all beings be free from physical and mental sufferings,
May all beings live in peace and happily, free from all sufferings and dangers.

P.S. Hmm...Could I exclude someone, just someone, from my chant above?

[cyberangel]

Happy belated Birthday wishes Monty

I hope you had a nice birthday catch up soon 😊

Love & Light

[donq]

Thanks both of you from my heart.

Hmm....I've just realized that it seemed like I needed some attentions (about my birthday) which it wasn't. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to.

You see?, Rob...urh...Mojo (You didn't seem to like to show your real name, I'll respect that), that somehow is called being wise. And the irony (even paradox) is, a wise man seems to feel how foolish he is while a wise guy (slang) seems to feel how clever he is.

Oops! see? I've just been trying to be that wise guy again. Bad me! Sorry. 

I promise that this year I will behave myself (hmmm...as much as I could).

[sparklekaz]

Hi Monty,

Happy belated birthday.

They say that getting older should be compared to a fine wine. Which becomes better with age. I'd like to think that is true. My perspective on aging, is that people rarely change who they are at their inner core. Basically if you've always been a nice decent person, age isn't going to turn you into some crusty old grump. Just as grumpy old misery guts don't suddenly get saintly when they age. I do think people can mellow though. Some of their sharp edges, if they have them soften. Age brings experience and the knowledge that life is rarely black or white. That people are not always what they seem. Both in a good and a negative way. We can use that knowledge to help us be more discerning in life, or they can choose to think no one is to be trusted and carry a chip around on their shoulders, angry at the world.

I like to think that age has made me more compassionate and less judgemental. I am more flexible in my outlook on life. Learnt that my way is not the only way and sometimes there are better ways. I'm less quick to jump to conclusions and more patient. I also see now what is really important and what is not. As for nicer. Well if your already a nice person I doubt that will change. Some people are made bitter by their life experiences. Maybe that is what your friend was saying. Life's hard knocks have not changed you. Bitterness and resentment I've found only harm us, and it doesn't change a thing. I like to think getting older and wiser teaches us that if nothing else.

Love and light
Kaz

[donq]

Thanks Karen.

I'm so glad to see you as I was going to share something and saw you. So you are my first victim.

Last week I joined a spiritual meeting here. It was about Buddhist meditation. After everyone meditated, it was a time to discussion and sharing. Well, I have to say that it was better than any A.A. Group (or any therapeutic group I saw on TV),
because everyone already knew how to meditate. Some members started to share their pains (in the context of Buddhism,of course). Then, a lady in her 60-70 (I thought she was American) shared something that made me really felt her pain. She said something about why she always felt, even after she had practiced meditation and chant for a long time, that the Buddha was still so far away from her. That she might never felt the joyful of Buddhist Dharma (teaching/way). Her whole body shook a little bit all the time while she was saying that (though her voice was steady) which indicated her internal turmoil.
I would like to help her with all my heart and soul. But I knew that I should not. I was just there at the first time. No one knew me, really knew me. My good intention would be misunderstood so easily.
Anyway, it was lucky that, though someone said something to comfort her a little bit but the rest of the members were so silent. Whether they didn't know how to help or what to say but it was still good (in my opinion). Because it created the atmosphere of compassionate listening. Not worldly pity, nor worldly sympathy, but pure and peaceful spiritual compassion. And somehow it really helped that lady!
This moment was so impressed me and I was so lucky that I witnessed this grace event.

P.S. Yes, I know, I know this is off topic. But I don't think the thread's owner would mind.  
      
     

[sparklekaz]

Hi Monty,

I like that, how you describe it as 'a atmosphere of compassionate listening'. When someone shares their pain, our first impulse is to 'say something'. Anything to try to ease the pain of the other person. We feel it is expected of us don't we. One of the things I have learnt as I've got older, and this was hard for me, being a natural chatterbox that sometimes just 'sitting' with someone while their in pain and just being there is enough. Because words though comforting, are not a magic wand, that we can just wave, and make someone's unhappiness disappear. If only!

However, having said all that, I am sure you will get an opportunity at some point, if it 'feels right' to be helpful. You are such a perceptive and kind soul that I have no doubt, you will intuitively find the words when the time is right for them to be spoken. Even if it is only to help her see something from a different perspective. Self growth is a painful and often lonely road. But then if we were given all the answers we would never learn or grow would we.

It is good to chat with you Monty. Its been quiet on here and I miss the interaction with you guys. I wonder if it is because our lives are so busy on the 'outside', we've all stopped listening to what's inside.

Love and light
Kaz

[donq]

Hi Karen,

Very well put! As you said:

"When someone shares their pain, our first impulse is to 'say something'. Anything to try to ease the pain of the other person. We feel it is expected of us don't we. One of the things I have learnt as I've got older,...that sometimes just 'sitting' with someone while their in pain and just being there is enough. Because words though comforting, are not a magic wand, that we can just wave, and make someone's unhappiness disappear. If only!"

I heard a true story that a famous old monk trying to help a nun, his disciple. But it seemed she was not one of his fast learners. Not to mention he would never really understand why she fell in love with a bad man (he was a monk all his life and never married). Well, it turned out that he got angry with her! It was bad for her, and also for himself.

As for me, another reason I didn't say anything, not because I was really afraid to be misunderstood (got that alot and already got used to it for a very long time. lol), neither was I afraid of losing face/disappointing etc. but I was not sure about my motive. I mean it was a group, not a private conversation. Would I do that just because I wanted to show off?  

I do like what you said, "Self growth is a painful and often lonely road." Recently I just heard someone said something alike. Buddhism was a devil and an angel. It taught us that no one, not even the Buddha, could do something for you, to help yourself. But you, and you only, must do something to help yourself. Very true, isn't it?

P.S. My (imaginary) mum told me, "After I chant, everyone around me seems to be happier, and less stress!. My (Buddhist) chant works wonderful, even better than the antidepressants I usually took!"  

   
   



 

[donq]

Thanks Robert, for letting me know that you don't mind. Sometimes I think too much like a mad man. Or maybe I'm a mad man who thought he was a normal man who just thinks too much. Hard to tell. hahaha

I do like what you said about, "doing the right thing with the wrong intention and without balance, rarely works." Very true! And another alike issue is about "doing the right things to the wrong people". That might not sound like spiritual issue, as we, as spiritual persons, should doing the right thing anyway, whether doing it to the right or wrong people should not matter. But I've learned it in the bitter way that it really matters. Wrong people don't mean bad people. They could be good people. The problem is they might see the same right thing in the very different way from us. And that would bring the very big problem later.       
 
I'm going to post another thread (it needs some photos). Please feel free to join.