Forgiveness

[sparklekaz]

Roberto Assagfoli said "Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." Cherie Carter-Scott said "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were".

These are beautiful quotes, and we know deep in our hearts that to forgive and move on, rather than being entrenched in the past, is the most beneficial for us, on a mind, body and soul level. But knowing this on an intellectual level and connecting it to the heart and emotion - acting upon it, is a totally different thing. Especially if the anger and resentment has become bitterness. We become used to and comfortable with those feelings, even when we know they are harming us, and making it impossible to move on. For many this will be easier said than done. Forgiveness can also be, forgiving ourselves. Something which can sometimes be harder to do than the forgiving of another. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you been in this situation. Were you able to forgive others or yourself? What, if anything have you learnt about yourself while going through this process?

The image above is one of my favourites. I find moves me on a very deep level. The water seems to move and shimmer. I sometimes meditate on it. I would love to know what feelings or thoughts, if any it evokes in you.

[donq]

Hi Karen,

First, I was going to reply your post tomorrow but I have to take my mother to the hospital (her monthly curing) in the morning.

I think you chose the very right quotes. Yes, agree, in the context of forgiveness, it has something to do with anger, resentment and retaliation. Let's make a story:

A. did something to B. B. felt angry/resent and wanted to retaliate against A.

In Buddhism, there are two ways to handle this.

1. Yonisomanasikāra (proper attention; systematic attention; having thorough method in one's thought; proper/wise consideration; thorough/critical/genetical/analytical attention)  
So, if A. used his, say, wise consideration, he would find that B. didn't do anything wrong because of such and such. Or even he did something wrong because of such and such. And what done is done. It was useless to cling to something that already happened in the past and could never change it.

2. Mental culture
Even if A did 1. above, sometimes he might still feel angry with B. He knew B. didn't mean it and it was useless to think about it but he didn't know how to stop his anger. He still wanted to get even with B. So, mental cultivation (meditation/mindfulness) is needed.
And after A. has practiced his mental cultivation to some point, not before that, it will not be difficult for him to forgive and forget B. or anyone any more.
Amen!

P.S. What I always wonder is why someone forget their big misdeed too easily. They never learned from their mistakes at all. I mean they never felt that they did something wrong and hurt others. Maybe that was the very reasons why they could forgive themselves all the times without problems? hahaha     

[krsnaraja]

It's very hard to forgive. The easier part is to say, " I am sorry. " Can you easily say sorry when caught by your spouse after she saw you in a very tight position with her best friend? Can your spouse forgive you? I doubt it. It's different when you kill someone.  Even if you say sorry, you still have to pay for it . So don't forgive. Let them first pay,  money or in kind. Then forgive. It is a practical thing to do. Instead of feeling resentful and angry at the person whom you can not forgive. Let him/her pay first. A tooth for a tooth. An eye for an eye.

[sparklekaz]

Hi everyone,

Bumping this post up. Be really nice to receive other people's thoughts on this.

Love and light
Kaz

[mojomojo]

Back when I started entertaining spirituality, I befriended this old lady, looking back I'm guessing she was very much into Wicca, but she kind of took me under her wing and most of her talks would go straight over my head, having read a few books and done some meditation, I was at that stage where you felt empowered and thought I knew it all, some might say not much has changed.
One evening in a pub, I can not remember exactly what happened, but I got very annoyed at a particular person, I didn't even realise Charlie was in the pub (That's the old lady), but she walked up to me, put her hand in her bag, and handed me this black, crooked six inch nail, now, I have no idea why she carried such an item in her bag, but even I got that one.
For the large part, people never forget and never forgive, and I was no different than anyone else.
There have been two people in my life who I have hated, to the extent, I would have been quite happy to have taken their lives.
Now in my mid fifties, it has taken me this long to finally forgive, and all the anger and hatred has gone, I'm getting a feeling, I've shared this before.
How can I be sure, I even gave one of them a reiki treatment, hands on, I might add.
What changed, I think you change, when you understand why people are the way they are.

[cyberangel]

Hi Robert,

Lovely to see you (posting) again

I just wanted to grab this opportunity while I have the chance to Thank you so much for the distance Reiki healing which I received and am still receiving and feeling the benefits. I have been away from the forum these past few weeks/months and I have not had the chance to say a personal thank you for your genuine kindness shown to me, especially at a time when I needed it. By the way, while trying to keep on topic, I enjoyed your post above. I hope to add to this wonderful thread as soon as I get a chance.

Love and Light my friend

[baangus]

I have an antagonistic relationship with the word, which always tells me something's not right with my thinking! Nevertheless... I don't see forgiveness being as important as detachment. I don't forgive so much as I just forget about it and move on. What happened in the past makes no difference to this moment.

Now I have heard arguments having to do with forgiveness as an act of healing, not for one's self, but for the other. And that's where I have my problem. I don't want to have to think about healing others. I don't see that as my responsibility. That's where my antagonist feelings stem from. I spent the first 45 years of my life trying to fix relationships with people who had issues with me. And now that I'm in a place where I don't have to worry about fixing other people, I'm loathe to look at the idea of "healing them" via my forgiveness. Ugh, even just typing that is difficult.

I've got miles to learn before I sleep lol.

[mojomojo]

Hi Lorraine,
Excuse the pun, but you sound like your old self again,
Great to see you popping in.

Hello Baangus,
Haven't heard from you in a while, but credit, where credit is due, you certainly fired up the forum.
I agree with you on the detachment basis, if you can totally drop it and it doesn't effect the present moment, then job done.
I think I may have been guilty of trying to keep those who did me wrong in the past, locked in a place of guilt, guess I figured out I had no right to do that, I was stopping myself and them from moving on,
live and learn.



Mojo.

[mojomojo]

Hi Lorraine,
I'am delighted the distance healing may have been of some benefit to you.
We think, we have a bit of a strange occurrence going on here at the moment, and your post above seems like it may have added strength to our theory.
You mentioned in your post, that you are still receiving and benefiting from Reiki.
Can I be so bold as to ask you, when you feel you last, without doubt received Reiki, and can I ask at what intervals, every week, every few days?

These questions might seem a bit odd, but I'am trying to get to the bottom of this, and will explain in full, when I receive your answers, if you have the time or even see this thread.
Of course it may all come to nothing, I will explain later,
thanks in advance Lorraine.



Robert.

[krsnaraja]

Christ said to His disciples, " If you sin 7 times 77, I will forgive you 7 times 77. " This statement is modified from the Bible. It`s symbolic. Seven is Love. So, if one commits a sin, it can be forgiven because of love. For example Blessed St Pope John Paul II forgave his assassin because of love. If you don`t have this love, it will be very difficult for you to forgive.

Forgiveness is Love.

[mojomojo]

Good to see you posting again, Krsnaraja,
You have shown all the characistics of a spiritual person,
Long may it continue.



Mojo.