Broken...

[aquacrystals]

Hello all

Well what can I say. It's safe to say I feel very broken. I met the most amazing man (no exaggeration!) last year. He is every thing I could ever asked for and we seemed so in sync. He works away and always knew when something was up. So romantic and loving just perfect I could not fault him. We had been together briefly as teenagers so I find it all very romantic!

Knowing someone so well like this even though we had really not been in contact long seemed a bit like soul finding. However we also knew if something was up and I started to notice small changes in the way he was with me. To cut a long story short, he told me at Christmas (because I asked and wondered what was up) that he feels no love for anyone or nothing and he feels like he is in a hole. I said I would be there for him, with no guarantees for support etc.

I'm not a needy girlfriend which is good in this situation so I don't continually text/phone at all, I gave him space etc. He would contact me everyday message rather than speak. I think this is because we realised it was depression. He has had a few major things happen and he doesn't want to work where he Is now away and lots of things. So 2 months later so now ish, he comes back from working away and he has gotten so much worse. So depressed and just uninterested in everyone and everything. I have been supportive throughout as I would do anything for him. He won't get help and he has said he can't be in a relation ship rut now as he needs to mend himself and it's not fair on me as he has nothing to give. Regardless of what I said (I was being grounded for him not crying or anything) and he was adamant.

I feel such strong love for this man. I'm an independent person but this one I feel such strong links too. I will respect his decision but I am so upset and at a loss. Of course I sincerley hope he comes back but I am in no way relying on this and trying to live my own life again now. I just feel at a loss as there's nothing I can do. He just means so much to me. A psychic once said we were "twin flames" I'd never really heard of this before but it is basically two people who are the same but then they can bring out our insecurities and often come back together. I don't know - I am spiritual and have my black tourmaline necklace on. I just feel very heartbroken. Sorry in advance for the long message...

[mojomojo]

Hark, my lady,
Do not fret,
Close your eyes,
Hold no regrets,

Lay thy head,
Upon pillows soft,
Dream of rescues,
And Camelot.

In light of day,
Raise thy self,
Blow, troubles away,
Forsake him not.

Thy prince, will return,
With, passage of time,
Solitude, reclaims,
The troubled mind.

Dream of the joy,
You held once before,
Create tonight,
That, you long, for.

A lingering smile,
With minds intent,
Will bring to you,
Your hearts lament.

[aquacrystals]

Mojo mojo, that it absolutely beautiful. Thank you. Where is it from or is it your own? I absolutely adore it, bought me to tears again....beautiful

[mojomojo]

Think of it, from spirit,
In your time of need,
You are never alone,
Never forget, who you are.

[sparklekaz]

Dear Aquacrystals,

My heart does go out to you in this very difficult situation. From what you have said you appear to be doing all the right things. Being supportive and giving this man the space he clearly wants. It is very hard to watch someone we care about suffering. He is right I think when he says that he needs to focus on his own healing at the moment. He is clearly struggling to take care of his own emotional needs, let alone those of another person. You may feel that you are happy to just support him, but you do have needs of your own, and though you may say that you are happy to just be there for him, on some level there is always expectation in a relationship, even if it is that the person you love, loves you back. Depression is a very difficult thing to deal with, where the sufferer finds it hard to love themselves, let alone someone else.

He says that he needs to focus on his own needs and get well, yet he is reluctant to do anything about it. This happens quite often, especially with men I think. Women on the whole find it much easier to open up to others then a man does. Rightly or wrongly I think its down to the whole 'boys/men don't cry' mentality. Eventually he will realize I hope that it is not a weakness or unmanly to be unable to cope with feeling depressed and anxious, and will reach out for help. Though I know you hope it will be to you, I feel it will probably be a stranger such as a counsellor or therapist who has no emotional investment in his treatment or recovery. He needs someone who can stay detached and strong and gently guide him through the process of dealing with whatever is troubling him.

Though you may not be able to see it now, he is doing you a favour in keeping you at arms length as far as having a proper relationship is concerned. Often people in his situation will grab on tight to anyone who offers them love and support. Even if they are not really in love with them. Because they just want someone with them, anyone so that they do not have to face their problems alone. In this he has shown great sense and emotional intelligence. Living with someone who has a severe depressive illness can be very debilitating for the person who is trying to help them. More then one 'saver' has ended up becoming as unwell as the person they are trying to help and support. My advice to you would be to be his friend if you are able carry on doing that. Except the friendship on his terms and if you cannot do that, wish him well but get on with your own life.

In fact I would suggest you stop focusing so much on him anyway now, and start focusing more on you. People often believe that twin flames or soul mates are people they are destined to spend our lives with. But this not always the case. Yes some may turn out to be our 'life partner's'. But more often then not, their true purpose is to help us grow and mature, emotionally and spiritually. The lessons they bring to us can be extremely difficult and challenging. Our interactions with them can bring to the surface or force us to recognize issues we ourselves need to deal with or face. Once they have achieved that purpose they may move on or out of our lives. Only time will tell.

If you can Aquacrystals, try to let go of any expectations about what may or may not happen with this relationship. We can love someone dearly, but it does not mean that they will make us happy. And the point is we all deserve to be happy and in a mutually beneficial, healthy non co dependent relationship. I do hope that your friend reaches out and gets the help he so clearly needs. But this is his journey and not yours. We cannot help anyone until they are willing to help themselves. I'm willing to bet you've put your life on hold waiting to see what happens with this man. Please don't. Try to get back into some kind of normal routine in your own life. Focus on your own needs. Staying healthy, getting out and about with your friends. It's scary how quickly the heavy negative behaviour and atmosphere that surrounds someone who is in a dark and unhappy place, can become normal to us. Staying connected to family and friends will help you to stay grounded and lessen the effect of obsessively focusing all your time and energy on your friend.

Love and light
Kaz

[tribunalofmercy]

...what Kaz said, aquacrystals - and HUGGGGS

[aquacrystals]

Thank you. I need a while to digest that but much appreciated. It's just such a shock when someone so close to,you has this happen and just cuts you off. He seems to get worse and won't accept help so I don't know how he will get better. It pains me because it was all so perfect arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm use I'll come back in six months and understand why all this is happening