Question for Robert & Mary Anne

[donq]

Hi both of you,

I start this thread because I believe we are so close to talk about it and it should not make misunderstanding among us. And I hope it might be benefit for any young persons you might come to read it.

Hi Robert,

We used to talk about this once. About our partner (husband and wife), both should be spiritual persons.
Suffice to say that I divorced twice just because both of my ex were not interested in spirituality at all. (Yes, both times, I thought it was not important, hahaha) So, it didn’t work. And I think it’s useless to talk about why my marriage didn’t work because of that. Besides, even I was not interested in spirituality at all, it might not work either. Hahaha.
Your story will be more benefit for any reader (even me :-). I remember you told that your wife also are interested in spirituality, right? How did both of you meet? And what brought to your marriage? You also said that it didn’t work before with some women who was not interested in spirituality like your present wife. Can you give us a detail.
Thanks so much in advance.

Hi Mary Anne,
I have tried to avoid asking you this because I was afraid that it might hurt your feeling. If that will be the case, I do apologize and please ignore this post.
You told that your marriage was so short. You just wanted to have your son (as in your vision). Was your ex interested in spirituality or not? And no way your marriage could work?
Again, I’m so sorry if reliving those memories might hurt your feeling, I didn’t mean to. But your answers (and of Roberts) will benefit any readers.
Thanks.

P.S. Anyone please join and add your opinion about this. Thanks.

[tribunalofmercy]

You know what? Mine is example of how Not to think, what Not to do in relationships. However, I think it is important to understand that I do not think like many other people I ever meet, and this makes things Complicated.


I was always emotionally immature, in life. So when I was old enough to get married, and such, I was in love with the Idea of love and had many boyfriends, but I did not understand the depth of Love Itself – not even what ‘God’ tried to show me in my real life. I even loved God but did not commit, just as I would love a person but did not understand to Stay, when things got rough. And things got pretty rough.


My first marriage only lasted a year, and I was the one who left, for many reasons, all ‘spiritual’ to me, but not to my Teaching of Christianity (“divorce is bad”). He was more mature than I; I did not behave like a married person should, but many things were happening at that time that made things worse (this time was when I had all the bad things happen to me/us; that is another story) (and I tell you that part because you Know I had a first husband, lol – actually he is gay and very happily committed to his life-partner now).


I did not come to understand the idea of true Commitment, staying with someone through Every difficulty, until I was 29 (this corresponds to the Saturn Return, interestingly). I was remarried of course, and still married, at that time….we did not get along. After I saw what I Needed to see, I went outside into the woods and built an altar of stones, where I placed all of my Will on it and promised God I would Not give up on my marriage. But it was too late because my husband was not interested in staying married, and he had a girlfriend. Within a year from that time, we had separated. I had not been a 'bad' wife before this time, but I still feel I did not try Enough to save what we had, before that time. It was not a marriage based on love – we did not take time to know each other first, and we were Very different people - so we had nothing strong to cling to, and he did not have spirituality, so he could not trust God for strength….

You understand, I'm sure, what I mean about being 'different people'....two people can get married and Work on their marriage; they can both work to pay for things, they can both care for the home, they may have more family that needs them both, but sometimes there is just too Much difference. Do they think alike? Can they talk to each other? Do they Like each other? These things are Important, but I could not yet see.

I went to college; he only went to the 8th grade. I could read, he (basically) could not. He only wanted to make (lots of)money, I only made money to make him happy, to pay for what we needed. I liked God, he liked money. I liked being outside, he liked being outside to make money. etc, etc etc. (very hardworking man, lol) So we did not get along, but I blame myself for my part because I did not even Know him, before we married. And I saw some of this - he even Told me all he wanted was to make lots of money - but I did not care, and Still I got married. See? I have learned I can take Care of someone else, but I cannot truly meet their Needs, if their needs are not what I believe in. (For example, it is also why I cannot be a car salesman, lol - it is not something I Believe in)


I have had many(!) failed relationships in my life, not understanding what Karen and Lorraine have talked about – the way we end up attracted to, and attracting, the same type of person over and over, you know? I don’t think this is a bad thing by Itself, but when we also respond the same way to difficulties in the relationship, it becomes a useless and negative cycle. After a failed relationship in 2011 I decided I spent too much time feeling I was not a Complete Person unless I was involved with someone, and this is Not true.


The spiritual walk I now enjoy comes because of being more aware of myself, and Happy with that person, but I cannot take credit for this discovery because I feel the Universe has decided to step in and Teach me things I have been too stubborn to learn, earlier

[tribunalofmercy]

Oh, and let's not forget I am/have been bipolar, and I have had Mood swings...I bet most of my relationships would say I have been difficult because they did not know if Schrodinger's Cat would be alive, or dead, each morning Thanks be to God and my guides for helping me get Past that, finally! (I am a Real Live Person now, haha)

[donq]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. hahaha. It was your tough life and I should not laugh.
But you poke my heart as if you knew both of my two ex.

Robert, helps!
Otherwise anyone who reads this thread might think only the bad side of marriage like Mary Anne (and I). 

[cyberangel]

Hi Monty

Please forgive me for jumping into your post for Robert and Mary Anne but I wanted to share something.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this month. From the moment we met we both knew we'd be together. We love each other as much now as we did then...in fact, probably more deeper and meaningful now, as then.

Our spiritual beliefs are so far removed from each other though. As you know my beliefs here I dont need to repeat them but my husband is not openly spiritual at all...unlike me.

My hubby has a very scientific, mathematical and logical mind...unlike me.
But we are both open minded to each other's beliefs...even if we disagree!

So in my opinion, from my experience, I don't think you do have to have the same beliefs or even be spiritual to have a good relationship. It's like everything in life...you get out what you put in...and vise versa.

Would I like a more spiritual husband I don't know if I am honest, yes I would like to be able to discuss more spiritual topics with him, but on another level he is very grounding for me. At the end of the day he respects my beliefs and never forces or tries to change them to fit in with his beliefs.

He not only has an open mind but an open heart which is more than enough for me. He loves me for who I am not what my beliefs are. At the end of each day I go to bed knowing that I am married to my soul mate that our connection to each other is spiritual. And for me to know he loves me as much as I love him after over 15 years together is a wonderful feeling

I have had in my youth other relationships with more spiritual men but they failed. Not because they were of spiritual beliefs or not but just because we were not compatible. I refused a previous long term boyfriend marriage 3 times, because as much as I thought I loved him at the time...somehwere deep down inside I 'knew' he was not the one for me.

My husband and I met purely by chance online. Not via a dating site either...both just happen to be online at the same time and started talking. The events and circumstances from the very beginning were all aligned in our favour...our meeting was ment to be...and we both knew it before we even met. Both of us felt that connection instinctively.

So I dont believe two people must have the same spiritual interests to make a relationship work...I DO believe that either you are meant to be together or not...deep down you know inside...when its soul love...because that is it really...my hubby and I is not just human love but soul love...we both recognised each other's soul

Sorry again for jumping in.

Love and Light

[mojomojo]

Hi Donq,
Yes, I had many relationships in my life, and even looking back now, I can see why they would never have worked.
First long term relationship, was for I think seven years, and we were engaged to be married, we were not in love, due to my colourful childhood I did not know what love was.
I think we got engaged because that was the next step, what was expected maybe. Anyway, she wanted a nice house, nice car, all nice material things, I had not got into spirituality at this stage, but I had no interest in money, I saw what money did to people, even in my family, money is the root of all evil, not necessarily but it can be.
Relationship ended because of that, money and material things.
Many small relationships came after that, some just only weeks, then second long term, can not remember how many years, maybe three. This finished more or less the same way, she wanted material possessions, I, at this stage had started on my spiritual path, now life for the first time made perfect sense, I think she also thought I was going crazy with all this spiritual stuff, she left, now the spiritual path started for real, meditation, reading, asking lots of questions, like why do all my relationships end, LOL.
Now with no one in my life, I had time alone and peace and spirituality 24/7.
A year or maybe longer past, I was in a very good place, very calm, content and happy, and I thought, I would like to have a partner again, but not doing it the old way.
I can not remember, if it was in meditation or prayer, but I asked spirit to send me a partner, only concession was that she entertained spirituality, then ego added, she must be blond and good looking, LOL, only joking.
About a year later, this woman came into my life, people ask is love at first sight real, I tell you now it is very real, also, she was blond and very good looking, LOL, not joking, LOL. We met through a mutual friend, but even then, it was apparent a bigger hand was behind it all.
Within a very short time, we were engaged to be married, six weeks I think, when it is the right person you will know.
The day we went to buy the engagement ring, we were standing at the side of the street facing one another, she was looking at the ring on her hand, both of us were very happy, have you ever heard people say, they felt the heaven and earth move, this is also true, I felt it that day, what GOD has put together, let no man pull apart, every person who passed, stopped and looked at us, smiles beaming off their faces, and then walked on again, what they saw, I have no idea, but every one did this.
She has had spiritual experiences, very close to her deceased grandmother, who still visits us to this day, while she does not read so much, she meditates and prays, we have endless great conversations, and both learn from one another.
Shortly after this my partner took a relapse, previous to us meeting she had a tumour removed, and had only just recovered, she has chronic pain also Donq, she was living with her parents and I used to visit every weekend, but her condition was getting worse, not helped by her parents who were killing her with kindness, at this stage she was nearly bed bound.
I'am not a medic, but I could see this was not right, so, ultimatum, make effort to get out of bed or I'am leaving, many weeks later there was improvement, to the extent where she moved in with me, but shortly after she dipped again, I worked twelve hour days, and looked after her and the house, sometimes only getting two hours sleep a night, this went on until I became ill, I had picked up a virus which turned to post viral ME, she had to return home I was not capable of looking after her any more, I lost four years of my life, very unwell.
Long story short, she got a long awaited operation, which helped her greatly, I eventually got my health back, we lived together again, both working, got the money together and got married.
On her side, there are two siblings deceased, on mine there are three, at the wedding ceremony we had a candelabra with five candles to represent them.
Someone took a photograph of us on the dance floor, in the photograph as clear as day are five orb's.
That day was the best day in my life.
Even, with everything we have been through, we have become closer as the years have passed, there is an unspoken bond of such strength, my only fear is what the other will do , when one is gone.

Bring spirit into every aspect of your life, and never, ever, give up.

Robert.

[donq]

Dear Lorraine,
Oh! No, no. I already told that everyone could add any opinion.
Thanks, Lorraine. For sharing your wonderful marriage.
My heart feels so joy for you, my dear friend.

Dear Robert,
Thanks for sharing both ups and down of your marriage.
It's so beautiful!
Thanks from my hart, Robert.

P.S. Hmm...so, what's that online site? hahaha.
Urh...I'm too old for that. I only mean in case of some young people who might be interested. lol

[mojomojo]

Never too old,
Donq,

Better to truly love, for a short time,

Than to never love.

[aceofcups]

MY two cents --- i just wanted to throw into the mix...

I personally feel a lot if not a majority of close relationships of all kinds we have, both ones that work out and others that don't, are not just from one lifetime interactions. To me it is part of play of Karma - which can be either beneficial or challenging.