Reflection

[sparklekaz]

Arthur Dobrin said "Celebrate each season, for you too, are transformed with the turns of the earth." As the old year ends and the new year begins. It is a time that many use for introspection and reflection. They remember what has happened, their reactions to it and the consequences of the choices they made. This is a learning time if we choose to make it so. An opportunity to understand ourselves better and our relationships with others. My question is; if you were to contemplate the last 12 months. Did you feel you learnt anything new about yourself in this time? Do you believe you have gained any fresh insight, or experienced a change of perspective from your musings, that were not there before? Alternatively, do you see, believe, that you are still repeating old patterns of behaviour, and are unable to break them? Do you have any thoughts on why this might be? Please share your thoughts with us, so that maybe together, we can help each other!

[gruntal]

My biggest change in perspective, thanks to my "group therapy" which I started last year, is that I am not a logical progression of everything in my past. I have turned my back on rather a lot of things and will continue to do so. It is not so much I am inexperienced as it is I am tired of being and doing the same over and over. Even if it means some selective amnesia or jettisoning the very tools of survival I depended on before. I do not know why this is so but I have been told some traumatic experiences broke down my defenses. Or I got fed up with things and people and thought I needed a rest. To get out of the spot light.

I remember years ago my sixth grade teacher Miss Richie giving us a homework assignment to look up the meaning of Absolute Zero. I did so and understood the concept perfectly. Come the next day a girl went up in front of the class and expertly read the definition she copied out of the encyclopedia. Asked to explain what she copied she went totally blank. It would seem I was the only one in the class that could grasp the concept but no way would I admit to that and be embarrassed! But how frustrating can that be? To know and be too shy to act anything beyond a mental retard.

My life of rest and respite has backfired horribly and been most uncomfortable. I get very jealous of those that seem to have had their life's purpose evident from day one of their lives. Then again you must admit it is a perversely delicious lesson to fail at least one life and savor the feeling and realize it isn't the end of the world after all.

Next time around I'll get back on the tread mill and join the rat race but not until I'm good and ready!   In the mean time I have precious little reason to act serious or mature.  

"I was born to hustle roses along the avenues of the dead"  from Consummation of Grief by Charles Bukowski  .  

[tribunalofmercy]

It's been a Great year, kaz I don't think I accomplished all I Wanted to, or grew as much as I Hoped to, but who does? Seriously

There are two big things I have learned that I want to share, though: One, is that I am learning to be 'Okay' with my imperfections. To be Still, in the Moment, and not Struggle so hard to get Out of what I perceived before to be an Uncomfortable situation. Even ace's shared video of Mary McMurray reminded me of that - there are times when it's Okay to be muddling through something, because if I try too hard to make it go Away, just because I don't like it, I may not Learn what I need to Learn.


...Which brings me to the Second thing to share: I'm getting the hang of seeing Everything in life as a Process, recognizing that we get used to the Microcosmic processes of life because we see the Whole Thing - beginning, process and end....but when those processes are Big (like, evolution), we don't understand how to Wait because the End is not something we can Know.

We watch babies...when they're born they don't quite seem to know about their individuality yet, but soon we see them exploring things; can't you just Hear a baby thinking when he grabs his foot - "Hey, these are MY toes!" lol - we know this process. Very soon that will be Common Sense to the developing child, and he will no longer pay Any attention to his foot because he has Learned what is his, and what is something Else. The growing child learns that the toes, the foot is part of the Whole body, working together to take him where he wants to Go. Then - On to bigger and Better things, you know?


I bet we cannot even Imagine the baby stopping the process because he's confused and it's Taking too long. Imagine a baby going back to 'square one', repeating Everything from birth on, over and over, so that after 10 or 15 years he is Still just figuring out he has his Own toes!! How silly; yet we do it all the Time, with other issues. (personal cycles; racial issues; religious intolerance; hatred; war etc etc - I call it "lather, rinse, Repeat" lol)


Nope, Not scary to us to watch the baby process...we know it All, because we've Been there. But when evolving groups of people start wondering about individuality, or even collective thinking, we get all Confused and even paranoid, thinking, "Wait a minute - this is the Unknown; it seems unsafe and even Scary." (Kinda like saying, "Hey - this is MY soul." get it?) It's still a Process, and we're not Done yet.


I'm learning to wait for the Big Picture, and not Panic about the hills, curves and snags in my Present part because it's not Done yet, and apparently I have to go through Each step to get somewhere Else.