How do we forgive.

[mojomojo]

                                    Forgive.

A very small word, that probably carries more weight than any other word in the English language.
It leaves people's lips, emerging from the shallows of the teeth, rather, than from the depth's of the heart
In my limited experience, people do not forget or forgive, but put a notch on their inner bedpost, a constant reminder, for hopeful retribution.
" To err is human, to forgive is divine."
Guess were just human then.
The maven's of this world, would have us believe, we only damage ourselves, I fear our humanness has a far wider range, apart from the damage of our built up resentment, we can only dis-favour those in our company, and our projection of shame or guilt, can only stunt the spiritual growth of the offender, not to mention adding to the collective mass of negativity.
Is it possible for us to forgive?
If we consider, life is an illusion, then there is no one to forgive, or no one to do the forgiving, we are all one, it's as crazy as your right arm, hating your left foot.
But, that doesn't really work for most of us.
How, about, we are all son's and daughter's of GOD, perfect in every way, it's just the ego doing the bad stuff, look past the ego, and forgive your brother.
As mother Teresa said, " Every day I see Jesus Christ, in his many distressed forms."
Still not so easy, is it? Especially if your brother continues to offend, what then? Can you continually forgive, when one continually offends?
Or do we just remove ourselves, and try to forget, move on.
Forget is not forgiveness, is it?
What if we live in the now? that seems to work, nothing is a problem any more, we have left our baggage behind, but why then do we constantly get dragged back out of the now? Is it just a form of denial? The baggage is still there, we just ignore it for a while, or is it we have not mastered, living in the now, and the longer we are in the zone, the more we leave it all behind.
How do you, forgive?

[lionl]

I was bullied at school. For 20 years or so I carried tis around with me: the resentment, the hatred. Did it help me? Not one bit. It drove me to drink and drugs.

Later, I came to pity the people who had bullied me. What was so wrong in their lives that they had to resort to bullying to make themselves feel better? And, yes, I forgave them.

My own life has become much happier and much easier since then. For our own sakes more than for those who have wronged us, I urge all of us to forgive. Not always easy, but for the best I think.

[tribunalofmercy]

Oh, my friend...you have touched the Heart of the problem. It is Much easier for us to Know what to do, than to find the way to Do it. I may see a mountain and Know there is something on the other side, but I cannot go around it; the Climb is the hard part.

I almost didn't answer this, Mojo, because I truly have little problem forgiving others...I have a short Memory, you see, and an open heart. But then I thought about Myself, and how difficult it has been to forgive...ME.

Even for perceived 'wrongs'...I carry ME with me, 24/7. And I allow myself to See the mistakes I have made, 'sins' I have committed, they become imprinted on my Heart rather than relegated to an Akashic memory somewhere Away from my focus, and it can become almost Habit to find myself carrying around the moments of my Past, reaching for them like an afterthought, setting them in front of me like a picture I 'need' to keep looking at, over and over...I don't Put them Away.

Cognitive (mind) says, Logically, that whatever I have done in my (understood) Past, is Past, and is Not in the Moment; but emotional (Heart) gets things out of Order, producing not truly random but seemingly Chaotic streams of memories that I have left Attached within my life-experience, not separated but Part of my "Now"...therefore, I become both myself, Now, and myself, Everything Else (past).

These combinations are not pure, but the mix has been Created, and whatever muddy solution I am living as a result is how I View not only myself but everything Else. My own perception of Me, clouds how I view, accept and respond to everyone and everything Else in my Now. ...um, it can get Ugly, you know?

We do that also when we do not let forgiveness of others reach our hearts; the imprint is left attached, to re-invade at Will...if you are out somewhere and you see someone who has hurt you in the past, perhaps you feel you have "forgiven" them, but do you walk up and greet them with Unconditional Love, as though nothing had ever happened? Not likely.

We are more likely to approach with Caution, willing perhaps to give a "second try" but Remembering that which we experienced in the past. This is Taught, actually, as the Best way to handle things; letting go of our 'state of unforgiveness' of the person, yes, but not fully Trusting that it will be safe with them; that it will not happen again.

How hard it must be to actually live Completely in the "Now", not focusing or even allowing ourselves to Notice anything from our 'past'! How hard it is to actually live as if Every person, every experience, is truly 'New'!

I wish I could say that a greater Understanding is the Answer; that having a Benchmark of sorts gives us the leverage to Embrace this state of Being. I have a benchmark, though it is not without flaw (seriously!), in my unconditional love for others, and it does serve to Remind me that I should have this love for myself as well, but my Own attachments to image, and subsequent lack of self-worth, still do battle with me, because attachments that will build over time become Quite Entangled. *sigh*

'Forgiving', Robert, seems to be the decision to release the emotions attached to our Now, as we think about a negative experience with someone; the letting go of the experience in the Now, and moving it into the "Not-now"....'Forgetting', however? We are made to hold Memories, even those which no longer have surface emotions attached to them. We must master both the heart and the mind....until we master the Management of all our "Not-nows", we risk having them pop back up to suggest we are not as done as we Thought.


Thank you both for sharing your thoughts


Mary Anne

[sparklekaz]

Hi, was reading back over some old posts and found this really poignant and insightful one on Forgiveness written by mojomojo. He raised some very interesting points. Has looked at it from different aspects. I believe it will resonate with many, and well worth looking at again. Hopefully it will receive more replies.

Love and light
Kaz

[Vinay]

Yo mojomojo,
for me forgiveness is a very simple but effective task.
Let me share with you a story of a pious person or i would say the "SIMPLEST" man to ever walk on earth.
He was a Bhakti yogi or following path of devotion (praying, loving the god in a definite form).
Lets not talk about his faith or belief here but his attitude and behaviour.
He was Sant Tukaram.

"Once when Saint Tukaram was coming out of the Godavari river after having a bath, a Pathan (a Muslim tribesman from the border of Pakistan & Afganistan) sitting on the bank of the river, spat on Tukaram. 

Saint Tukaram quietly returned to the river and had another bath. The Pathan spat again on him as he came out and Tukaram returned for yet another bath without any change in his disposition. The Pathan realised that this was not an ordinary human being. 

Unlike in many cases where the ruling Muslim class had a upper hand on the local population, wherein the Pathan could throw his weight on Tukaram and get away with it, this was not the case here. The ruler was the much feared Hindu Emperor Shivaji and Tukaram being close to the Emperor, could have easily got the Pathan in serious trouble. But Saint Tukaram did not choose to do so. The Pathan became increasingly disturbed and guilty of his behavior. When he saw Tukaram walk out of the water the 6th time and walked towards him without the slightest hint of anger or ill will in his eyes, the Pathan with moist eyes, asked him why he did not retort back. Tukaram responded that, “while the spit can be cleaned by a single bath, a 1000 baths would not be sufficient to clean the impurity generated by ill will and vengeance.” Hearing this, the Pathan was moved to tears and fell as the feet of the Saint." 

(source:- letterstothemother.com/tukaram/)
(I might share his full story in future posts)
I really used that method in my case. Some people used to bully me but i just kept cool like Sant tukaram . The bullies became my friends at the end.

Stay Awesome