Why do we have tears?

[donq]

After I read most of our friends posts, though I cannot join those threads (about my rush time), I would like to share something here. This is especially dedicated to Mary Anne and Mojo.

What I've learned from my (long suck) life is sometimes any big trouble happens to us with some special reasons. For example, Why do we cry and have some tears? To get rid of dust out of our eyes, right? Why do we have diseases? So that our bodies could fight with those intruding into our bodies and regenerate them again and again etc. More than that, on the psychical/spiritual level, any problem happens to us to make us become stronger/more mature/spiritual.

So, I don't always see any troubles/problems in reality as something negative. Just don't blind myself that they are not problems. They are really problems but with some special meanings, too. Always.

I think life is kind of a paradox. Why do good people always getting hurt? Because they trust everyone too easily (while bad people never trust anyone which are somehow their best protection from getting hurt in the first place.) More than that, many times life is trying to find your dropping key on the pavement. You were looking only under street lamp and could never find it. Why? Because you could not look where it really was, in the dark, without any light.

Even so, the solution in life is not only to find that key. Yes, it’s good if you can find some light, and go out to look in the dark, and finally find your key. But life, especially spiritual one, doesn’t always work that way.

There is a Zen story I read long time ago, “Hakuin and the Baby” or “Is That So?”

There was a monk named Hakuin who was well respected for his work among the people. In the village, there lived a young woman, the daughter of the food sellers. The young woman became pregnant by her boy friend who worked nearby in the fish market. When the parents found out about this, they were very angry and pressured her to reveal the name of the father. She wanted to protect the young man and blurted out the name of Hakuin as the father.
After the baby was born, the parents took the baby to Hakuin. They told Hakuin that he was responsible for the baby and left the infant with him. He responded: “Is that so?” And he simply accepted the responsibility for the child without further reaction. The monk had no experience with babies. But he began to care for its needs, finding food, clothing, and warm shelter. The other villagers became very angry with Hakuin for his offense and his reputation was trashed. These comments did not affect Hakuin, who continued to put his effort and attention into the care of the baby.
After several years, the young woman was filled with remorse. She confessed to her parents the name of the true father. They immediately went to see Hakuin, apologized, and took the baby back with them. Hakuin watched as they returned to there home with the child he had cared for since birth and replied “Is that so?”

“Is that so?” seems to be the solution for anything in life, is it not? Urh...is that so?
The following are some quotations that I would like to add them here, too:

“Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.”
― Jarod Kintz (This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me...)

“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”
― Paulo Coelho, Alchemist

"Turn your wounds into wisdom"
― Oprah Winfrey

There are moments when troubles enter our lives
and we can do nothing to avoid them.
But they are there for a reason.
Only when we have overcome them
will we understand why they were there.
― Paulo Coelho, The Fifth Mountain

[lionl]

Great story Donq. Acceptance. We can't alter our reality by cursing it. Thanks for sharing.

Graeme.

[mojomojo]

H Donq, I agree, very much with everything you say, when we look back, and see how we have evolved, how much we have learned from things that happened in the past, even though they may not have been pleasant at the time, out of the muddy waters the lotus flower grows.
I also think our lessons become more severe if we try to ignore them, spirit , I feel is more concerned with getting you back on your spiritual path, than with the human body, and will use the body to achieve this end. I often, wonder, why so many saints, mystics and people in general who take the spiritual path, seemed to have suffered in life. Are there people out  there, who have come to the path out of curiosity?



I once thought, I had a hard life, until I met someone who had.

[tribunalofmercy]

I like your last line, Mojo

That's an Insightful way of looking at a painful question, Monty...I think that expression, "Is that so?", even though it is a Question, may relate to another, old expression, which is "These things happen."     I think we have tears for the same reason we have laughter, or even anger...they are Expressions of what we are feeling, in an existence which needs to Manifest those things that cannot be seen or felt otherwise.

Tears can be healing because they release Energy, and as humans, if we keep our energy bottled up (positive or negative) it creates a Traffic Jam inside, messing with our chakra flow and so forth.   We must Express ourselves, you see, until we learn to channel our energy in Other ways.



a Question for you, as a side thought:  Monty, I meet people every day it seems, who are just Tired; old; sick; miserable from Life, and this always makes me sad...lately I have come upon more and more people who say it is because they have Been here, life after life, reincarnating and suffering and that's Why they are so tired and sick.

...But still they are miserable. And suffering. And angry, and sick...and what I Don't understand, is, if this "cycle" keeps repeating itself over and over until we get things Right, and learn to find something Else besides anger and bitterness and misery....and they Know that, because they Tell me about it....

Why are they still angry and bitter and miserable?



Mary Anne   

[donq]

Dear Mary Anne,

As Mojo wrote:
“I often, wonder, why so many saints, mystics and people in general who take the spiritual path, seemed to have suffered in life. Are there people out there, who have come to the path out of curiosity?
“I once thought, I had a hard life, until I met someone who had.”

And you raised the (very good) question:
“I meet people every day it seems, who are just Tired; old; sick; miserable from Life, and this always makes me sad...lately I have come upon more and more people who say it is because they have Been here, life after life, reincarnating and suffering and that's Why they are so tired and sick.
“...But still they are miserable. And suffering. And angry, and sick...and what I Don't understand, is, if this "cycle" keeps repeating itself over and over until we get things Right, and learn to find something Else besides anger and bitterness and misery....and they Know that, because they Tell me about it....
“Why are they still angry and bitter and miserable?”

First of all, I have to apologize to anyone who is reading this in advance, what I’m going to say will be a kind of personal talking, a friend to my favorites friends only. I will be so honestly and don’t guard myself in any way. So if my answer upset you in one way or another, please forget about it. And I’m sorry.

Mary Anne, this is the first time I will share my (very) personal life here, on this forum, to make my point on what we are talking about.

My parents got divorce when I was in high school. That time, in my country, something like that was so ugly (though today it already becomes normal). As my dad cheated on my mom, she had changed so much and put all of her anger upon me. I saw her suffering everyday and would like to help but I didn’t know how. Besides, I wanted to help myself in that poor situation, too. (She was so wicked and unbearable! Hahaha). That might be one of the reason I started on my life time spiritual journey/path.

I met my first wife when I was about 27. I never got laid before that, only study and study. So I was so naïve about a woman. She was 12 years older than me; divorced twice; had 2 sons from her two ex. After we were already in love she confessed to me that she was a mistress (don’t know if I use the right word here, I mean a secret wife) of some big policeman. I asked her why. (Come on! She was C5 that time and got her master degree!). She said she lost faith in a good man before she met me. She hoped nothing but only money. She let herself to be a mistress just because she needed some extra money for preparing a house for her second son (who still lived with his father in upcountry and was going to come to live with her soon). I had to make a decision. Leaving her was not my choice. I mean, that policeman might already know about me. What would he do to her if I left her like that? So I chose to stay and asked her for marriage. I told her that I was going to help her about all money she needed. And I did. Some years after we got married, I finally bought her a house (car etc.), and her son came to live with us. Anyway, when someone tricked me on my working and I got a big debt, my wife asked for divorce as she didn’t want to know about that debts.

As for my second wife, some guy was trying to rape her and I helped her. That was a start. After 12 years of marriage, she cheated on me (twice). So we got divorce.

You see, Mary Anne, I tell you this without any ripple in my mind. I even feel funny telling about it. Yes, when it happened it was not this easy, I was in hell (even I already had my long time spiritual background). It took me three years after divorce to completely heal myself (by myself). And I’ve lived alone for 5-6 years now.
When I look back on my life in full review, I realized that those vicious circles happened because of me, more or less. I was so naïve about woman. I always confused the my feeling (of wanting to help) with love. That was a serious mistake. Whether they were my good wives or not, it was also my fault, too. And it has come to the point that I feel indifferent any more, no matter my future wife would cheat on me again or not. And I really feel indifferent whether I would find her or not (come on, I’m already an old man, what I would expect, right?) hahaha. And this lesson/experience  is very precious, is it not? How could I feel like this if those vicious circles never happened to me?  

Confucius said:
“By three methods we may learn wisdom:
first, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third, by experience, which is the most bitter.”

I made the same mistakes many time in my life, just because I didn’t reflect about it enough. I was so naïve (and maybe still are) about woman. I cannot speak for other persons (who are still angry and bitter and miserable about their lives) but I think they still cannot really realize (spiritually) in themselves. The root of problem is within, not without. A vicious circle will keep happening again and again if this root is not realized and fixed.

P.S. I has written all above without stopping. Sorry for any errors.

[tribunalofmercy]

Monty Let me tell you a story. (again)


When I was very young, a little girl named Carol lived just 3 houses away from me; sometimes she would walk down to my house to play, which I liked very much. (It was noiser at Carol’s house than at mine, lol). We had a very long driveway and when it was time for Carol to go home, I would walk down to the end of the driveway and watch until she got to her house. As she walked away from me I noticed she got smaller and smaller in my eyesight, the further away she got (were all of my friends just really tiny people?). I remember thinking that was odd…


When someone is standing right in front of us, they take up our Whole vision, have you ever noticed? But the further away they get, the smaller they appear, and the more we are able to see Everything else around us; this gives way to Perspective.


When I have counseled people in times of grief, or loss, it is a Good way to understand the healing value of time – time provides opportunity for a memory to recede before us, in our minds, until the thing that is Causing us pain and suffering begins to get smaller and the grieving person gains a view of everything Else, once again.


There are times when we simply Refuse to allow the person/object in our vision to recede; perhaps we hold tightly to it, wanting it to Stay. Perhaps we chase After it, because we do Not want it to Leave. Then there is simply the reaction that keeps us Reliving moments of time, over and over, because we have Forgotten how things naturally progress...Either way, this creates a dilemma in which the object, or person, continues to fill our vision and leaves us without our proper Perspective. Do you see?


Monty, often we do create our Own dilemmas. However, just as often it seems they are created for us; no matter what occurs, the things we experience in life tend to fill our Whole vision for a period of time but are not Meant to remain there.


Observing Akashic records, I have come to understand the concepts of “past, present and future” better; I understand the undulating, spherical nature of our existence, and that all experiences move in this way, from being Directly in front of us to being on a Side, sort of…to being Behind….it’s a matter of where we are Looking, at any moment. The tides of our Own understanding that pull our attention to the Reality of our Moments. All records can be brought to the Forefront of our vision, or put aside, at any time, but we create our own Perspectives by what we Do choose to bring to that forefront.


Haha, Liam Neesan said, in Star Wars, “Our focus determines our reality.” And it’s True. I feel you are still defining yourself by your life-experiences, my friend, though it is quite a Natural thing to do; though they are in your Past, they still walk before you. Perhaps next time I will tell you what I found, just 3 short years ago, that changed me completely, and allowed me to Finally gain perspective.

Love

Mary Anne

[mojomojo]

Hi Donq, I saw your post early this morning , and wanted to reply, but something told me no, Mary Anne , should go first. So, I. Hope you do not mind me, adding my two cents worth.
I have not been on this forum long, for, I thought communicating by the internet would be sterile, not able to pick up people's energie's, just the printed word, I was very surprised and wrong.
Some people's energies seem to rise from the screen, do you get this when you read a post , sometimes, a feeling, about the person that comes with the words.
Sorry, Mary Anne, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I have to use you as an example. Mary Anne's posts can sometimes do this, some times it feels as if, it was not a human being that wrote the words, but that the words come from spirit, the words carry an energy with its own deeper meaning.
You, also do this at times, behind your words come an open heart, compassion, wisdom and your energy is that of one who always wants to give, always giving, always, but I fear you never receive, there is nothing wrong with asking for yourself.
I have had a few bad relationships in my time, some near marriage, money been stolen, cheated on, materialistic people, who I now know we're just not suitable matches, even though at the time I was humiliated and angry, I turned to my spirituality more, now entertaining it one hundred per cent, because I had no interruption, I did this for quite a few years, I have never had a problem been on my own, and 'am quite comfortable with it. After a while, I thought about a companion again, but this time I would go about it different, while meditating, I asked spirit for a companion, my only term was that she would be a spiritual person and that we could grow together, nothing else.
Donq, I'am now married sixteen years, we have a great relationship, we hardly ever argue, we can sit in each other's company 24/7.
There is nothing wrong with asking for yourself, and I know heaven and earth will turn to bring you, what you desire, if you will only ask.

[donq]

Dear Mary Anne,

If you were not my friend, I would leave it at that. I mean I don’t feel I should explain anything and would be ok with that (if there was someone misunderstanding me). But that was not the case here. As you are my friend, so here my explanation.

First, thanks for your kind words. I know what you tried to say.

There are the same different between the full-watered bottle and emptied-water bottle. Both don’t make any sound and look as if there was nothing in it.
It might seem that I still live in the past. But I’m honestly not. I talk about my past, not because I still cling to it (yes, for someone else, it might be the case) but I don’t. I talk about it NOT for expressing my anger or anything. It was just like I told you that I used to go to that and that place in that and that time. That’s all.

I’ve seen some person who tried to fool themselves. They always said they were ok every time they were talking about their bitter past. Or someone who tried so hard to avoid talking about their bitter past as it might make them relive those bitter scenes again. I’m sure I’m not one of them.

When I said it took me three years before I could heal myself, I only meant that I wanted to make sure about something before I moved on. Not that I still wished she would come back to me. From my long time spiritual practice, I just could not believe that people could be that cruel. And she was not just any people but my wife who had lived with me for 12 years. How could I never really known her before? It was so easy for me to just forgave her and moved on. And I really did that very soon. We have been still friends (not really literally friends but friends anyway). As I had helped/trained her to become a professional translator, I still worked with her from time to time (when she asked me). Even when she got some problem, she still called me or met me so that I could help (mental) supporting her. I didn’t fool myself, but I didn’t like to pretend. I just don’t trust her any more and have to keep some distance. That’s all. And I analyzed myself and found that my feeling for her was so genuine. I honestly had a good will for her as a human being to another (in spiritual sense). This was my three years working. It was some kind of spiritual hard work. And I believed I did it so well, without fooling myself or pretending to be otherwise which was more easy for me.

So, don't worry about me. I'm really fine. But ok, I'll try to avoid talking about my past so that you would not worry about me again. hahaha.

[donq]

Hi mojo (Robert),

Thanks for your sharing your story. That's very encouraging. hahaha.

Agree, a spiritual person has no choice but choosing the same kind of himself/herself.

 

[tribunalofmercy]

How sad that I have managed to "mess up" again...

Do you know who you already Are, Monty? My guides told me about you back in August, so is it any wonder that I See you so well, sometimes? And yet, you are right, I was insensitive to "story" you when you opened yourself up to me. I do not see you as weak, or Living in the past, so much as identifying with your own self-image as a result of those things which have happened to you...

I am sorry, my friend - it's still "just me". I feel it took me Much longer to "let go" of my past mistakes and move Forward, as I only did this back in 2011. Please do not let the sun go down on your anger I still have growing to do

[donq]

I forgot to tell you that I wrote what I wrote because I had something in my mind. As I'm a professional writer (among other close career: editor and translator) I have to detach myself before I write something. I wrote about my life as if I was someone else, not me. More than that, as this is a spiritual forum, I wanted to share my bitter experience just to support other (feelings) who might happen to read it. They might get something from what I wrote without having to really get those painful experience themselves.
Anyway, as Robert just said, (and I already somewhere on the forum that this was a sacred place) we got many good spiritual friends here,  I never share something like I already shared to anyone in the real life as I didn't see any benefit (for them).     
 

[donq]

Hahaha, don't worry Mary Anne. I do understand your good intention. And that was why I explained.
You said what you said because you had very good will (to support) me, I knew.
 

[tribunalofmercy]

This is a lesson for me in "expectations", do you see? Because we have already become friends so quickly, I have let my guard down, and allowed Expectations of how you may react, to cloud my vision and create "temporary blindness". If I Had no expectations, I would not have been crushed that I provided an answer that was uncomfortable to you...I have still not let go Completely of my emotions, which is a premise of non-duality, haha.

*rolls up sleeves* I'd better get to Working on it (see what good practice a forum can be?)

[tribunalofmercy]

Robert, I was thinking...I don't truly know if it's Spirit or not, but I do know that some people are just more Open, you know? (you included, my friend) - it seems so Many, both in real life and online, naturally hide behind themselves for fear of being exposed (which I understand). With us, in this thread - like other threads - it has been the honesty of our thoughts, our feelings, and this carries Stronger energy because we are Not shielding ourselves in that way.


To any others of you who read threads and posts: gruntal made a comment some time not too long about about not Liking people, or maybe that he was jealous because he Wasn't one (thank you, gruntal) - I have felt that way in life. And it doesn't Help when I have been on the fringes of groups, in real life Or online, where a select few people do most of the talking...in the past, it has made me feel like there might be a "clique" or something, and my comments may not be as welcome.

Um, I am So anti-clique...I hope None of you who read feel that way. I hope that, by today's thread (see: dialogue above between Monty and me), you will have experienced a "worst-case scenario" of opening up and being Yourself here. I mean, really - when people Love as they should, what is the Worst that can happen? A misunderstanding. One that Heals, because we Learn, we grow, and we still love.


Still talking to those who have Not posted comments here: Do you feel you would be opening up Too much if you shared what you Really thought, and felt, about deeper spiritual issues - about the intangible, those things we Feel but cannot See? Please do not let your Fear keep you from being involved here; you already recognize that we do not always see eye-to-eye about things, but you will Not be rejected. How can you be rejected? We are Part of one another here.


Personally, if you get on here and Talk more, I might just Learn something I encourage you to become, or stay, Involved, if you will -


Mary Anne

[mojomojo]

Very well put, Mary Ann, I thought one advantage of internet communication, was we bypassed our neurosis, our hang ups about the body in front of us, is not an issue. To me that would probably make it easier for people to open up, I feel while we are on this planet, in the physical body, this is as close as you will get to communicating spirit to spirit, and , yes, what you said makes perfect sense. I have never had a problem, been on the fringes, and in fact relish it, they say no man is an island, I say maybe. I came straight to this forum, not even looking at another, seeking an answer to a question, not knowing where else to ask, I probably wouldn't have, if my back hadn't played up and had time on my hands, I probably would have taken my answer and left, but I instantly recognised what you have here, and that's why you all have been stuck with my rantings, sure, we may pick one another up wrong from time to time, but if we were perfect we wouldn't be here. My respect to the person who created this forum, you have created something special, and yes it's survival may depend on people joining up and opening up, so that leaves it down to us, to open up threads that capture people and draw them in, and that's my excuse, for the last week, may the rantings continue and the sparkles of wisdom rise, Robert.