What can be done about daydreaming?

[donq]

Hi Alena,

Thanks for your sharing. You were so brave. I do appreciate your trust for our forum and our friends here. What happens next might be beneficial for someone else who might passing by to read it, too.

First let me quote from Sigmund Freud’s Creative Writers and Daydreaming:

Should we not look for the first traces of imaginative activity as early as in childhood? The child’s best-loved and most intense occupation is with his play or games. Might we not say that every child at play behaves like a creative writer, in that he creates a world of his own, or, rather, rearranges the things of his world in a new way which pleases him? It would be wrong to think he does not take that world seriously; on the contrary, he takes his play very seriously and he expends large amounts of emotion on it. The opposite of play is not what is serious but what is real. In spite of all the emotion with which he cathects his world of play, the child distinguishes it quite well from reality; and he likes to link his imagined objects and situations to the tangible and visible things of the real world. This linking is all that differentiates the child’s “play” from “fantasying.”
The creative writer does the same as the child at play. He creates a world of fantasy which he takes very seriously–that is, which he invests with large amounts of emotion–while separating it sharply from reality. Language has preserved this relationship between children’s play and poetic creation. It gives the name of “play” to those forms of imaginative writing which require to be linked to tangible objects and which are capable of representation. It speaks of a “comedy” or “tragedy” and describes those who carry out the representation as “players”. The unreality of the writer’s imaginative world, however, has very important consequences for the technique of his art; for many things which, if they were real, could give no enjoyment, can do so in the play of fantasy, and many excitements which, in themselves, are actually distressing, can become a source of pleasure for the hearers and spectators at the performance of a writer’s work.

Hmm…ok, you said somewhere else that you like something that's easy to read, right? Let me try again then.

A child has not problem with his play or daydreaming. He creates a world of his own and rearranges the things of his world in a new way which pleases him (his daydreaming) but he KNOWS that it’s not real. Or at least he can “forget” about it or let go of it at any time. He just “played” with it as a child.
So does the creative writer. He can let go of his world of fantasy he created.

Let me put it in this way: there are two main kinds of novel: Interpretation of life and entertainment or escape. Most readers love to read escaping novel (or movie) because it helps them to escape from reality while reading it. This is not good or bad as long as they know that it’s not real, just a novel/movie, an escaping one. (And not ever dream that one day a real prince will marry her in the real life.)
Frankly speak, somehow this distraction is a good strategy for life. We will feel less pain if we think about something else, something comfortable. Yes, positive thinking really work. But we also have to realize that what we were thinking is not real, just our strategy, our auto-hypnosis to help us in that context only (of pain.) We should not cling to it and let go of it. And we should look for something else that will be more helpful than our daydreaming/fantasy.

Let me give you an example of the downside of the daydreaming (I used to post it before in another thread but here it’s a version of the classic comedy by Danny Thomas.)

A guy is driving through the desert when one of his tires blows out. He gets out of his car and pops open the trunk to look for a spare tire and a jack. He sees the spare, but there’s no jack. “Oh s*#&!,” he yells. "I’ve got to walk back to the gas station I passed five miles ago!”
So he starts walking. ‘I hope he has a jack,’ he says to himself. Half way there he mumbles anxiously, ‘He better have a jack.’ When he’s almost there he growls, ‘That son of a b#@t% better let me use his jack!’
Minutes later he finally arrives at the gas station. He’s hot; he’s frustrated; he’s fuming. He sees the station owner in the garage and he walks up to him and says, "Hey buddy! You can just forget it! Keep your g#@ d@% jack!"

This is the very downside of daydreaming/fantasy. On one hand, it helped the man keep walking back to the gas station as it was the only solution of this problem, the flat tire. One the other hand, it consumed him until he didn’t realized that it was not real.

As for your case, I still think that you have to take one day at a time. Don’t rush yourself. If you still have to daydream, to relieve from any terrible situation you got, then do it. But try to realize what you are doing, too. And don’t make it worse by blaming yourself about your daydreaming. It’s ok. It’s like you escape by listening to good music etc. It’s not wrong. And when you feel more calm, try to take time for practicing your mediation/mindfulness/prayer/mantra etc. (I will not go into its details here.)
Anyway, one day at a time, Alena. One day at a time. Don’t rush. You will do it best when you are calm.

[donq]

Hi Alena,

Considering that you are a very eager girl to learn, have you heard about auto-hypnosis (self hypnosis)? It sounds like a daydreaming but it’s absolutely not.

Let me begins with the true story of Dr. Milton H. Erickson who was considered to be a father of (modern) medical hypnosis:


When Erickson was 17, he had contracted polio, and was so severely paralysed that doctors were sure that he would die.
One night when he was at his worst, he had one of his "auto hypnotic experiences." As Erickson lay in bed he overheard the doctors telling his parents that he would be dead by morning. Erickson felt extremely angry that anyone should tell a mother that her child would be dead by morning.
Erickson’s mother came into his room and he asked her to push his dresser up against the side of his bed at an angle. He had asked for the dresser to be moved because the angle of the mirror on the dresser allowed him to see through the window, he was determined to see one more sunset before he died!
Erickson saw a vast sunset covering the whole sky, even though there was a tree outside the window, blocking his view - but he subconsciously removed the tree, in his mind so that his view of the sunset was not spoiled.
After seeing the sunset Erickson lost consciousness for three days, and when he awoke he asked his father why they had removed the fence, tree, and boulder that had been outside the window. Erickson had not realized that he himself had blotted them out of his consciousness when he fixed his attention so intensely on the sunset.

Yes, Erickson went into the deep trance by his auto hypnosis. He did indeed "cast off all anchors" and appeared to be completely out of touch with everything. And somehow it did really help him and he survived!

Aldous Huxley, a famous writer (who wrote “The Doors of Perception”) who joined Erickson in an investigation into various states of psychological awareness put it in this way (about the feeling while in deep reflection or auto hypnosis):

"I found myself just waiting for something. I did not know what. It was just a 'something' that I seemed to feel would come in what seemed to be a timeless, spaceless void."

Huxley’s wife confirmed that his behavior (about deep reflection or auto hypnosis) had been completely "automatic, like a machine moving precisely and accurately. It is a delightful pleasure to see him get a book out of the bookcase, sit down again, open the book slowly, pick up his reading glass, read a little, and then lay the book and glass aside. Then some time later, maybe a few days, he will notice the book and ask about it. The man just never remembers what he does or what he thinks about when he sits in that chair. All of a sudden you just find him in his study working very hard."

(I rewrote and edited the above paragraphs from “The collected papers of Milton H. Erickson” And I myself really am related to that experience. I always lost the time when I was in a library or bookstore. Sometime, 10 hours passed without my noticing at all


What is more interesting is Erickson told that auto-hypnosis is very close to nirvana or Samadhi experience, too!!

On one occasion Erickson was doing some experimental work with K on stopped vision, wherein she experienced being in "the middle of nowhere." Erickson recalled the following:

E: I was in the backyard a year ago in the summertime. I was wondering what far-out experiences I'd like to have. Yes I puzzled over that, I noticed that I was sitting out in the middle of nowhere. I was an object in space.
K: There you have it: the middle of nowhere.
E: I was just an object in space. Of all the buildings I couldn't see an outline. I couldn't see the chair in which I was sitting; in fact, I couldn't feel it.
R: You spontaneously experienced that vision?
E: It was the most far-out thing I could do!
R: That was the most far-out thing you could do?
E: You can't get more far-out than that!
R: It just happened to you as you were wondering about what you could do?
E: Yes.
R: An unconscious responding?
E: And that was my unconscious' full response.
R: I see; you can't get more far-out than that.
E: What more far-out could happen?
K: You were just floating or just a nothingness?
E: I was just an object and all alone with me was an empty void. No buildings, earth, stars, sun.
K: What emotions did you experience? Did you…curiosity or fear or apprehension?
E: It was one of the most pleasing experiences. What is this? Tremendous comfort. I knew that I was doing something far-out. And I was really doing it! And what greater joy is there than doing what you want to do? Inside the stars, the planets, the beaches. I couldn't feel the weight. I couldn't feel the earth. No matter how much I pushed down my feet, I couldn't feel anything.
R: That sounds like a spontaneous experience of nirvana or samadhi where in Indian yogis say they experience "the void." You feel that is so?
E: Yes. The far-out experience of negating all reality-related stimuli.
R: That's what the yogis train themselves to do.
E: Yes, just negating the stimuli from the reality objects.
K: You found that pleasurable?
E: I always find when I can do something, it's pleasurable.

If I remember it right, R should be Ernest Rossi, K = Kay Thompson.

[donq]

Wonderful! Wonderful, Alena. I’m happy for you.
It sounded like you got a "peak experience" (transpersonal experience.)
The following are from someone’s experience (I could not find its source.):

“One afternoon I was lying down resting after a long walk on the Plain… The grass was hot and I was on an eye level with insects moving about. Everything was warm, busy and occupied with living. I was relaxed but extraneous to the scene. Then it happened: a sensation of bliss. No loss of consciousness, but increased consciousness… I could feel the earth under me right down to the centre of the earth, and I belonged to it and it belonged to me. I also felt that the insects were my brothers and sisters, and all that was alive was related to me, because we were all living matter that died to make way for the next generation… And I felt and experienced everything that existed, even sounds and colors and tastes, all at once, and it was all blissful… I had a conviction that a most important truth had been enunciated: that we are all related – animal, vegetable and mineral – so no one is alone. I have never forgotten this experience.”

So, Kaz really gave you a very good advice, right? Being in the present, in this moment, now! 

[donq]

Hi Alena,

You said,
“I should mention that I'm not always seeking for beautiful advises, instead I'm looking for what can help me practically even if it's said in tough words.”

Ok. But first thing first, as a friend, let me try to tell you something in a very friendly and funny way.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

-A hint: it was about your typo.

Another thing is, I don’t think you should used the phrase, “you people.” It’s not a good English, I think. It might make you look bad if you use it (unintentionally) in the real life situation. And please, please, please, don’t get me wrong. This is only my honestly and friendly advice.
For example, I remember that long time ago, when I was a young man and knew very less about English, an American tourist asked me about something and I replied him, “I don’t speak English.” And he was so taken aback! (Today it might be ok to say that but that time it meant I can speak English but I just don’t want to.) Shame on me!

P.S. Some quotes from Abraham Maslow:

"The person in peak-experiences feels himself, more than other times, to be the responsible, active, creating center of his activities and of his perceptions. He feels more like a prime-mover, more self-determined (rather than caused, determined, helpless, dependent, passive, weak, bossed). He feels himself to be his own boss, fully responsible, fully volitional, with more "free-will" than at other times, master of his fate, an agent."

"Expression and communication in the peak–experiences tend often to become poetic, mythical, and rhapsodic, as if this were the natural kind of language to express such states of being."

(from "Toward a Psychology of Being", 1968)

[donq]

Hi Alena,

You wrote:
“And what you wrote about the peak experience, was it in concern to my last post?”

-Exactly! But it was about another one, not your last post. Here:

“I was sitting at my table after finishing practical today, here it's very beautiful atmosphere because of monsoon, very calm, raining all the day and with a new life in trees and plants. I was wet, feeling cold, looking at the greenery out of window, chanting Krishna mantra in mind, and waiting for my turn for Viva. Most students were sad and anxious there, but today they didn't affect me, I was at peace, very happy. it seemed too beautiful and at peace to me...I was in touch with both of this physical world and the lord. I was wondering how beautiful this world is, I was not seeing while daydreaming. It was very much more beautiful and calm than my fantasy world..”

You wrote:

“Can you tell me about my other mistakes, I've made in my previous posts? (I know there are many in each one.”

- I was like you, did so many mistakes here, as English is not my first language either. But don’t worry, our friends here do understand and don’t mind. I told you about that phrase just because it rather had a strong (negative) meaning and have to be careful. That’s all.

[donq]

Hi Alena,

I’m really not good at grammar. Let me suggest you something that might be helpful. I believe that most of the time, grammar is not the point but something else.
As I already mention about Milton H. Erickson. Here is some of his patterns of indirect suggestion which later was developed into NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming.)

A direct suggestion has something to do with the conscious mind while an indirect suggestion the unconscious mind.

Example:

1. If you told your friend, “Please close the window,” her conscious reaction is to choose between agreeing and disagreeing to do what you told (not to mention if you didn’t use the word, “Please” it would become “commanding” and she would rather not do it.”
But if you told her,(via indirect suggestion) “I’m wondering if you can close the window”. It would resonate with her unconscious mind and is hardly to trigger evaluation. And there’s more chance that you will get the desired response.

2. Try using question tag, to avoid commanding.
Say, “We should stop now, shouldn’t we?”
Don’t say, “We should stop now.”

There are many examples like this and it’s not hard to find it on the internet. (Sorry that I could not find so many books of mine after moving to my new rooms.)

[baangus]

Pretty much the #1 problem with modern society is that people have lost the ability to daydream and imagine! They educate it out of us from preschool on up.

As adults, it is quite appropriate to want to be more grounded than we were as children, and to learn to control one's thoughts. Control of one's thought life is in fact a prerequisite of the spiritual development path.