Am I being tested?

[michael85]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum. I believe in God and the afterlife (not in a Christian sense) and have recently started reading about spirituality.

I suffer from a neurological condition called M.E. I am in constant agony and there is no chance that I am going to get better or even improve at all. I am suffering more than I can put into words - it is truly horrific, I have halfheartedly tried to take my life several times (which I now regret) but have resolved not to for the sake of my family. I am only 28 however, and am facing the prospect of decades of suffering.

I am interested in knowing if people think I am being tested. It feels as though I am, like I am being tested to withstand the desire to end my own life. Am I likely to be rewarded in the afterlife if I continue to live my life for the sake of my family?

Thanks for your time

Michael

[sparklekaz]

Hi Michael,

Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time of it. Both physically and emotionally. I used to know someone who also had ME and so I understand how completely debilitating it can be. I don't know how long you have had it for or what triggered it off. But I do know, that people with this condition can experience times of wellness as well as the chronic periods. I also do know of others who have recovered from it. So please don't give up hope on this.

It's a difficult question you ask, and can be answered from different perspectives. Some believe that illness comes to us when the mind, body and spirit is out of balance. This can be caused by poor nuturition, chronic stress and basically not taking care of ourselves properly. Pushing the body beyond what it can cope with; And so illness can result. That being ill, is our body literally forcing us to slow down or stop. When this happens, particularly in someone who has always taken their health for granted. It forces the individual to reassess every aspect of their life. Now, in these terms, I believe we have the opportunity for maximum spiritual growth. But it does depend on the individual. As in, do they see any connection to how they have been living, to what is happening to them in the here and now. That by making positive changes to diet and lifestyle, working on any deep seated emotional issues. Can alleviate the condition, and in many cases bring about a return to health.

Another explanation for illness, is one of karma. Or that before we were born, we together with our spiritual teachers, decided that we wanted to live a life, that would give us the maximum opportunities to advance spiritually. Being restricted by poor health or disability, can help us to develop a very strong inner core. Though I know, its incredibly testing, and when you are feeling so ill and wretched, thinking that 'this might be for my highest good', is probably the last thing on your mind. People certainly do not choose to be ill on a physical level. So this is about thinking about it in more spiritual or philosophical terms. I know personally, from having certain life experiences. That it is when I am feeling at my lowest ebb both physically and emotionally, that I have learned many valuable lessons. Received insights. That my inactivity has given me the opportunity to discover. For I think I'm being honest in saying this. When life is full and busy and tootling along without any problems, we rarely stop and think about the deeper meanings of life, who we are, what we are doing and what do we want out of life. That is more then just on a materialistic, day to day level. I hope this makes sense to you.

You are so young. You have a long full life ahead of you. There are ME support groups online, I hope you join one of them. Because I do feel it helps to share with others who are experiencing similar. But I ask you to take the positive stories, rather then the negative ones. Because I truly believe, this is one of those conditions, where a positive mindset is the most helpful. My friend was practically bedridden for various periods and would often have to use a wheelchair. She was probably about your age when it started, she had 4 small children at the time and her partner had to give up his work to stay at home full-time and take care of her and the children. The condition came ompletely out of the blue, though for a period of time before hand, she had been under a lot of stress and had been pushing herself too hard.

For at least 3 years, it completely overwhelmed her. But she is a tough lady, with a lot of inner strength, and decided hard though it was at times, she would not let it stop her from leading a full life when she was feeling better. She had a lot of pain and would get very tired. But it didn't stop her from embarking on a course of learning, that allowed her to eventually help other people in a voluntary capacity. Her illness preventing her from taking on a job. This made such a difference to her sense of self esteem and confidence. As far as I know, 13, 14 years later she is still doing it and holds a position of responsibility within that organization. She has her bad days, but she still gets a lot of of life, and overall I think the condition did improve. But I feel it wouldn't have done so if she hadn't given herself goals and tried to learn new things even with her limited time and energy. I cannot tell you how much I admired this lady, she had such guts. I don't know if I'd have coped with it as stoically as she did. I can't say much more out of respect for her privacy. I just wanted you to see that people with your condition can live good productive lives.

Never say I can't see things getting any better. Every day new drugs are being discovered to help with conditions like yours and MS. Don't think, I can't bear the thought of decades like this. Think, I'm going to do what I can and grab every opportunity I can to live life to the full, in spite of this problem. You have ME, but it does not define who you are as a person. We have a chat room, which you can access from the forum. Please feel free to pop in anytime for a chat and to chew over the meaning of life and share other people's interests. We also have some varied and interesting topics on the forum, which you might enjoy. I look forward to getting to know you better and reading your posts.

Love and light
Kaz

[zuimon]

Hi michael85, you say you feel like you're being tested, can you please say more about those feelings?  Why do you think you are being tested?  Why would anyone be tested?

And as far as you being rewarded in the afterlife if you live for the sake of someone else, even your family, I think you probably know the answer to that yourself, however it might be very difficult to accept.

Do you have someone in your life with whom you can share all your worries and fears, someone who will readily listen and not judge you, and not tell you what you should do?  And if you do, you might like to try speaking to them about your pain, guilt about leaving your family in such way, and any other bad things you feel and are scared of.  And whilst you are speaking about your bad feelings, long to know why you are feeling them, really want to uncover the truth of what your feelings are trying to show you.

[michael85]

Thank you for your replies. I was feeling particularly unwell and despondent when I posted the message. I am feeling a bit more positive now and accept it's probably just bad luck rather than a test. I will hopefully be able to make some progress in regaining my health.

[sparklekaz]

Hi Michael,

I'm really glad your feeling better and more positive. Just take it each day at a time. Remember if you ever need to talk, we are here. We also have a chat room which opens daily, from 6pm GMT, 1pm EST.

Love and light
Kaz

[alvinw333]

Were all being tested, by the Spirit of God to inprove our spiritual being ( Soul ) The materail planes were created for Soul to learn and experance, and develop

[zuimon]

As far as God testing us goes, I don't believe it.  I think it's yet another way of putting a spanner in our relationship with God, taking us away from God.  Because who wants to be with a God, even if we're told He's loving, who's going to test us and subject us to such horror. Forget it, if that's what God is, and our lives are just one big test, no way do I want to go anywhere near Him!

I think God is wanting us to experience what living unlovingly feels like.  And all our pain and suffering results from this. But it's no test, it's all so we can understand more about what love is… and what love isn't.

[alvinw333]

To develop realy isent being tested. And I read when Souls were created in heaven they were the same they didnt have individuality. Testing yously comes to one thats on the path to God to learn higher truths, and to let our god like qualitys to come out. But then theres karma if one dont learn his lesson it will be repeated till its learned, would one call that tested or not. I wish I could tell ya more of what the true God done for us Souls to mature and to be godlike, and to find there true self