Uncertainty

[enigma]

Recent events have led me to question my faith.

My father told me to study various beliefs before choosing one. This led me to being a student of all but a follower of none.

A few years ago my husband lost his job of 15 years which was hard but believing that everything happens for a reason I waited for life to show us the reason. He found another job quickly but it was 8 hours away. We spent the next year with him commuting before deciding to relocate the family, we have 3 kids. I went to work for the same company. We held off putting our house on the market as we would like to retire there and have let his brother live there in return for keeping the place up and tending to my horses.

The rhythm of my life changed as the new job was/is very demanding. I just accepted it as the mix of good and bad. We both felt our lives were to full of work, and that the kids were suffering. I transfered to a different position to have a more normal work week.

Shortly thereafter an employee made a false allegation to HR in order to save her jobwhich resulted in my husband being forced to resign. Long story so unless asked I won't go into detail.

The result of this has me questioning my long held beliefs and faith in something greater. Part of me says it will work out, no door closes without another opening etc. But the other part now says wake up that's a bunch of platitudes created to sugarcoat lifes harsh reality and wondering if the atheists are right.

I am adrift until I can decide if I can continue as an agnostic or to embrace athiesm.

[sparklekaz]

Dear Enigma,

My heart does truly go out to you, as it sounds as if you have been through a very difficult time. Your father sounded like a very wise man, encouraging to find your own way, your own beliefs. I too believe that everything does happen for a reason. But unfortunately often it is not until much later to we understand what it is. Which is no comfort I know when you are going through it. I have found personally, it is through the greatest challenges I have faced that I have grown and discovered strengths and depths I hadn't realised I possessed.

I can understand you wondering, if this philosophy of life is just something we tell ourselves, to cope or sustain us when things are difficult. But, I have to say, that if I reflect on my own life up to this point, I can see a pattern emerge. I have learned many different skills, through being forced to diversify. Emotional challenges and making mistakes, have taught me a lot about myself, what makes me tick. Why I react or respond to people, situations the way I do. Even so, I still have my moments of doubt. But so much of what has happened has changed me, forced me to grow beyond what I would have if things had always been plain sailing.

I cannot tell you what to believe Enigma, you are clearly feeling very low, disheartened and dispirited. I can understand why you wonder, what is it all for; What is the point of it. What good can possibly come out of all this. All I can say is instead of focusing on what has happened; focus on the next step. What is done is done. It may be that you are meant to move back to the home where you had all been happy. The last few years will not have been wasted. Those skills you have learned can be put to good use in other jobs. Look forward not back. Non of us knows what the future holds, but I've a feeling, the reason why your lives have been changed again, will have some important purpose. It is just to soon to tell what that is. You have a beautiful family, your health and a positive future ahead of you, to me that is a blessing.

What you need to do now, is to focus on yourself. Spend some time in quietness if you can and reflect or meditate if that is something you have done before. Stress can really knock us about physically. So try to make sure you eat properly, and get plenty of rest. I look forward to getting to know you better.

Love and light
Kaz

[enigma]

Thank you for replying I have tried to meditate but am not finding it helpful as it leads to me questioning what I believe its more discomforting than comforting.

I have to brace myself each day to go to work and deal with putting on a professional front especially as the employee who lied often talks to me now and I cannot speak my mind.

I try to see a silver lining but its hard when it has yet to show itself and I know that once my husband does find another job that it will best case be 3 to 4 months of separation.  It greatly concerns me that there are few openings in his field and that the few he has applied for are not places we would want to raise our children.  I would like to again find faith that it will all work out for the best and truely feel that its all happening so that we will go to where the universe wants us to be but I cannot seem to shake the feeling that such faith is simply turning a blind eye to reality.  What is negativity and what is living with blinders to reality.  I want to believe in the power of positive thinking, the law of attraction and that we manifest our reality through thought word and deed.  But now I question whether raising my children by the golden rule was wise for if such matters not then would I have not been a better parent to have raised them to do onto others before being done onto.  I seek dharma not illusion.

[sparklekaz]

Hi enigma,

I am by no means an authority on meditation, but I think the point of it is to quieten your thoughts and actually have some time when you are not thinking about anything, especially whatever is worrying you. To find some inner peace and stillness where you can distance yourself from what is causing you anxiety and pain. I know more then anyone that this is easier said then done. But if attempted regularly, without any expectation can be achieved. Quietening the mind, isn't necessarily about not thinking at all. But a slowing down of thought and instead of engaging in whatever comes, to simply observe and allow to drift away. A bit like watching a leaf floating along the surface of a river. You see it, watch it for a while, but have no thoughts about it. To help with this process, some people like to use a mantra, or a inner visualisation. I like to use the image of a flickering candle, or a pool of water, where a stone is thrown in creating ripples moving outwards. You can also use physical tools, like watching a real candle. Some find listening to relaxing music helps. Or for those who do find it hard to be detached, guided meditations, can be very helpful. Just some idea's for you to think about.

I can't begin to imagine how hard it is having to work alongside someone who has caused you and your family so much pain. The obvious solution of course, would be to change your job. But I know in this economic climate that might be very difficult, and you must be feeling the pressure and responsibility of being the sole wage earner at the moment. I am assuming you and your husband have explored already all the options open to him about challenging what happened to him and have already done so and its failed or feel it is better to leave it as doing so might make things much worse. The problem is the inner frustration you must feel at the injustice of it all. Have you considered, writing down in your own private diary or journal what you are feeling or the things you would like to say if you could? Writing, can be extremely cathartic.

I don't think having a philosophical attitude to this situation can be likened to putting your head in the sand, or not facing the reality of a situation. Choosing to believe that everything in life has a purpose is not about refusing to face something. Simply that you are accepting it, not rallying against it and becoming consumed by feelings of anger and bitterness. That for many prevents them from being able to do anything else with their lives. They become so stuck and depressed about a situation, that it renders them incapable of thinking or doing anything else. I admire the fact that you have not done that and are getting on with your life. You obviously have a good relationship with your husband and have probably discussed this together at length. What has happened, what to do next. You are both being pro-active, rather then feeling victim's of circumstance and paralysed by it.

Though I do believe in the power of positive thought and that we can create our outer world through what we think. We also have to accept that we are also part of the thought processes and actions of other people. Everything we do has a ripple affect. This women and her actions have shown that to you. I do believe that we are all a big part of each others soul growth. That we can choose to be overwhelmed by these experiences or we can grow through them. The choice is always ours. As for your children, all I can say is that give them the same freedom to choose as your own father gave you. Encourage them to explore the many different spiritual beliefs that are out there, or not. Try not to allow your own feelings which have arisen from your life experiences influence them. There experience of life will not be the same as yours as we are all unique. I know you might be thinking; well isn't it right that I prevent them from forming ideas and beliefs that will fail them or cause disillusionment. On one hand yes, because as a parent I know all we want to do is protect our children from being hurt or let down.

Half the people I have met have struggled to overcome the examples their parents have set them of how to behave or think. As parents we have incredible power where our children are concerned. They see us as role models and inherit a lot of their idea's and prejudices from us. All you can do is encourage them to think for themselves and question. Not to accept blindly. But to keep an open mind. To trust their hearts and intuition as well as logical thinking. Because if we do not, where does it end? Do we teach them not to trust people? That life is a cold, hard place where people lie and manipulate? That there is no goodness, truth or compassion in the world? Whether you believe in a higher power, or a divinity. For many people, it gives them the courage to continue when it would be much easier to give up. Belief is such a personal thing and cannot be given to someone, it has to be experienced for themselves. If it isn't right for them, I believe we should allow them to reach that conclusion for themselves without being influenced by our experiences and preconceptions of the world, of life. Just my thoughts on this Enigma

Love and light
Kaz

[2walls]

"I am adrift until I can decide if I can continue as an agnostic or to embrace athiesm."
Read more: spiritualforum.me.uk/thread/5175/uncertainty#ixzz2bUwUmV4x

Your going to have a massive problem if consider atheism as a alternative to...? life...lifes problems?

Atheism only confirms what God confirmed to man hundreds of years ago, God is not impractical in his ways, everything can be represented by numbers, even the unseen energy's. If you look into atheism, they will proclaim a lot of scientific wonders which they claim prove God doesn't exist, however to the wise the "big bang theory" or whatever they reduce themselves to scientifically is ...only confirmation of intelligent design beyond mathematical probability...in other words they contradict they're own ignorance. Look into it.

Please don't become ignorant - remember this:

Either you pray or you worry - NEVER DO BOTH!. If you pray and ask for a solution, then worry...then why did you pray thinking it wasn't going to help you???

Atheists sugar coat the mathematical and scientific singularities and condradictions as to why we are here and how meaningless our life is. I fought them for many a time on a intellectual and scientific level... you are doomed to fail.

But I know