Post by gruntal on Apr 21, 2013 16:13:50 GMT
It's funny how some things are so obvious and yet so limeting. Common sense and the mind of a child prevails for our self preservation. It can take quite a lot of mental perversion to actually self destruct. And yet the comfortable invariably isn't the most productive. Pushing boundaries; sowing seeds; investing works the opposite of consuming. But in the mean time there is the immediate - the here and now. That is where we are. But where is that?
I know where my senses are and I can shield or enhance that as appropriate. I wore ear muffs and safety glasses yesterday to just sit and observe the others grind and scrape and weld. The sun came out with a vengeance but I was comfortable under cover and did not over heat. My intelligence is like a lunch bucket and I carry it around with me all the time if I get hungry. That much I can rely on.
More medical tests and procedures on my old and decaying body just to keep me alive. I havn't had the luxery of taking care of myself untill very recently - it was always me taking care of the others or my beloved pets. It bothers me to have to accept help because only yesterday I was the strong caregiver. Or so it seems.
But over the years my experience merges with the my expectations and I notice my world grows in both directions. And yet I can never break out of the box. Where am I to begin with? Some of my most painfull tragedies were only a few feet away or a few years down the road and I was totally oblivious to them. Blind as a bat I was. It is suggested I am not limeted to my body and can throw my conscience over any distance. I can access any knowlege at any time thru the Akashic Records.
But how? My micrometers measure to one ten thousanths of an inch; my multimeters measure to millivolts. I am used to precision but now it all seems to be a retreat from something. Some day I can imagine looking at myself as a separate entity if I could bare to do that. How do you deal with expansion when it's the pesky little details that is my salvation on a daily basis?
Meditation to me has been a total lost because it forces me to be more aware of myself and I find that disgusting. But lately I have been wondering exactly where and how I am experiencing all of this. If the possibilities seem endless the ticket must entail letting go of everything tieing me down too. Who in their right mind would want to do that?
Or am I just to close to myself to notice?
I know where my senses are and I can shield or enhance that as appropriate. I wore ear muffs and safety glasses yesterday to just sit and observe the others grind and scrape and weld. The sun came out with a vengeance but I was comfortable under cover and did not over heat. My intelligence is like a lunch bucket and I carry it around with me all the time if I get hungry. That much I can rely on.
More medical tests and procedures on my old and decaying body just to keep me alive. I havn't had the luxery of taking care of myself untill very recently - it was always me taking care of the others or my beloved pets. It bothers me to have to accept help because only yesterday I was the strong caregiver. Or so it seems.
But over the years my experience merges with the my expectations and I notice my world grows in both directions. And yet I can never break out of the box. Where am I to begin with? Some of my most painfull tragedies were only a few feet away or a few years down the road and I was totally oblivious to them. Blind as a bat I was. It is suggested I am not limeted to my body and can throw my conscience over any distance. I can access any knowlege at any time thru the Akashic Records.
But how? My micrometers measure to one ten thousanths of an inch; my multimeters measure to millivolts. I am used to precision but now it all seems to be a retreat from something. Some day I can imagine looking at myself as a separate entity if I could bare to do that. How do you deal with expansion when it's the pesky little details that is my salvation on a daily basis?
Meditation to me has been a total lost because it forces me to be more aware of myself and I find that disgusting. But lately I have been wondering exactly where and how I am experiencing all of this. If the possibilities seem endless the ticket must entail letting go of everything tieing me down too. Who in their right mind would want to do that?
Or am I just to close to myself to notice?
