Post by walker on Feb 21, 2013 6:54:28 GMT
Hello everyone,
I have been praying to God to give me someone who
will counsel me in both life and the scripture. Someone who I really feel
comfortable in talking about my issues in life. And someone who can offer me
sage wisdom and spiritual guidance. However, I still haven't found that person
yet. Either that or I am just too close-minded. But then yesterday, I saw your
Twitter page (TheGodLight) and your post that says to go to this site if you
need spiritual guidance or conversation. And so I am here.
I'm 20 years old. Yes, I'm still young but I feel
much older due to the issues and experiences that I have had. Right now, I'm in
the "Lost Phase" of life. I do not know what want to do in my life -
except be a performer. Why? Because I want to put genuine smile on people's
faces when I perform. I want to inspire people that even if you came from a
family with no history of being a performer, pilot, or professions that
seem far-fetched to reach, you can make it happen and be the first in
your family. Basically, to make people believe that dreams really to come true.
The problem is I do not know if that's God's dream for me. Worse, I have
developed a fixation in this dream of mine. And as a result, I have missed the
opportunities that God had given me. How? I resigned from my job simply because
I do not like what I was doing. I always whine to myself that my job is not
in-line with the career that I want. I kept on asking for my dream, for more. I
became blind of the opportunities that were given to me. And now, I'm suffering
the consequences of my actions. I have been unemployed for quite some time. But
I'm not losing hope. I know that one day God will grant me my prayers. Maybe
for now, He wants me to realize something by reflecting on my past
behavior. I just can't help but feel empty and hopeless. My family and
friends are getting closer to achieving their dreams. While me? Well, I feel
trap and stuck. It's hard to live and be with successful people. I am
constantly pressured by the success that they bring to their family and
themselves. It's like no matter what I do, I feel like it's nothing compared to
what my family and friends have brought to their lives.
Apparently, I have a lot of issues. And I really
need wise and spiritual guidance. I was raised by my parents who aren't really
open about their problems. So I have a hard time being open to people. And
instead of opening up to them, I always end up taking everything in me - the
emotions, anger, frustrations, etc. And these negative emotions are eating me
up. There are times that my mind went into suicidal mode but thankfully, I
haven't done anything unnecessary. Well, people said that if you kill yourself,
your corpse will look ugly. I don't want that to happen. Ooh, being vain has
its advantages. Haha.
Kidding aside, for most of you, I am young and the
problems that I have are shallow. But I am a young person who has spent MOST of
her life bottling up all the negative emotions inside her. Surprisingly, I am
still a normal person and hasn't gone insane. The only thing that's keeping me
sane is my journal. I write my thoughts and emotions to God. Yes, my journal
entries are addressed to Him. Even if I do not receive a written reply from
Him, doing it is a form of releasing the negative emotions in my life. I'm
maybe young but I definitely need friends who can guide and help me better
understand both the life and the scripture.
Thank you for reading my entry.
