Desperately Seeking Help

[ijustliketosmile]

I'm not sure this is the place but hopefully it is. I very recently had my heart broken. It is the worst pain I've ever experienced and I truly believed we'd always be together. Everyone is telling me to let go but I can't, I still have hope. So, do I need to let go? Or will he come back to me?

Thank you!!!

[jash]

Hi ijustliketosmile. Welcome to the forum! This is a great place for talking with understanding people .

A lot of people look to spirituality when they're hurt. They wonder why this has happened to them, what they should do in response, and what they can take of value from the experience.

I don't know where you are on your spiritual path, or the situation you're in. The best judge of what's right for you is you, although good friends who you trust can bring a helpful outside perspective. Sometimes other people can more readily see our characteristics than we can. But ultimately the decision is down to you.

The people who are right for us inspire the best in us, and help us to grow and mature as people, and they stick with us in spite of anything. You owe it to yourself to find the person that does that. You have to not get attached to people who aren't truly there for you, or who are there only for themselves. But working to keep the right person in your life is worth the sacrifice. Only you can know if someone is right for you or not.

As for the pain, time will help to heal the wound. But for now, recognize that you are a whole person, and need not depend on others for your own self-worth. You can't force someone to love you, but that doesn't mean you aren't a loveable person.

I hope this helped.

Peace and prosperity,
Jash

[sparklekaz]

Dear ijustliketosmile

It is very nice to meet you. I am really sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. I agree with jash, it is often when we are in pain, that we turn to the spiritual. In a attempt to try and make some sense of what is happening to us.

When relationships end, it is like a bereavement, even if we are the ones that make the decision to end it. It is difficult to adjust at first to the way in which our life has changed. I am guessing from how you have spoken, that the decision to end this relationship was not yours. I really liked what jash said 'You can't force someone to love you, but that doesn't mean you are not a lovable person'. That is so true. Sometimes people simply fall out of love. It is no one person's fault. It just happens. I do believe it is better to be brave and face up to the situation, then to carry on living a lie.

You sound like a really lovely person, who deserves to be with someone who will love you as much as you love them. I am positive that there is someone out there just for you. But for you to come together you have to take the time to let your heart heal, and it will. Its an old cliche, but a true one. Time is a great healer. I truly believe people come in to our lives for a reason. Not just to love us and leave us, but to teach us something about ourselves.

You say you have hope. If this has happened recently, then it is natural that you will feel like this. Only time will tell if you will be together again. You know the old saying, if you really love someone, let them go. If they were meant for you, they will come back to you. A true loving act, is to wish those you love to be happy, even if it is not with you. As one door closes another opens, so look forward. I also agree with jash's words about spending time with your family and friends. You need that support at the moment. I know its not the same, but they will fill that void you are feeling in your life at the moment.

Smiles, I am sure there are many here who have read your words, and can relate totally to how you are feeling, so please don't think you are alone. You may not see it now, but you will come through this a stronger person. Don't let this experience change you. Sometimes people do erect barriers around their hearts to stop getting hurt again. But if you do that you will shut out 'the real thing' when it comes along.

Take care
Love and light
Kaz

[brummyben]

Hi,
I felt the need to reply to you as around 8yrs ago I was in exactly the same position, feeling as though my heart had been broken. It was more than my relationship, I had lost a lot of friends through concentrating on the relationship and deep down I felt completely alone.
I ended up walking into a local church that I had never visited before and just asking to speak to someone. I think I wanted the answers which I wasn't getting elsewhere. To cut a long chat short, the leader told me that although I seemed like a decent bloke, he could see I was low on spirit. I asked him how to raise my spirit and all he said was that he did it through Jesus. At that point I left and made a decision never to go back. However, over the next few weeks I had what you would call an epiphany and a whole new of life was opened up to me. Slowly at first, but it gave me hope. And the strange thing is that with hope, life started to improve.
One of the questions I always used to ask was will my girlfriend come back to me? She never did and in hindsight I could not blame her. That is not to say that yours will not come back to you. What will be will be. But I believe you should accept the fact that he may not. With that acceptance you may start to experience a new start, a new life, and begin to live in ways that you were previously unable to.
Most people do not realise that love works both ways. You may crave the love off one person, but inside do you realise that you can get the same feeling from loving everyone around you. Even more so if you learn to love people who you dont particuarly like.
Relationships are important to the us, no-one is doubting that, and as Kaz said, losing a part of your life is like having a death in the family and you will grieve. But after a while, the grief subsides and things become clearer. I look back now and realise how reliant I was on my ex and how I was always going to be devastated when we split up. This I now feel was my fault for letting my whole life evolve around my ex. I am married now, but I have other aspects going on in my life as well. Therefore, although if I was to split up with my wife, I would not feel that it is the end of my existance.
Love
Ben