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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 24, 2012 6:09:10 GMT
Know a good joke that's Spiritually related? Do tell! I'll kick things off.
Three Nuns are killed in a car accident and have arrived at the pearly gates of Heaven. St Peter says to them "Greetings, before you can enter Heaven you must all answer one question."
He turns to the first nun and asks "How many commandments are there?" The nun answers "10" and with that she passes into Heaven.
Next St Peter asks the second nun "Who were Jesus' parents?" The nun answers "Mary and Joseph" and is allowed into Heaven.
Finally, St Peter turns to the last nun and asks "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam in the Garden of Eden?" The nun becomes a little flustered and says "Boy, that's a hard one!" St Peter then says "Yes, that is correct! You may now enter Heaven." LOL!
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Post by gruntal on Aug 25, 2012 3:18:34 GMT
Many years ago the legendary STEVE ALLEN invited a hypnotist on his television show that induced a hypnotic suggestion on someone to induce melancholy. Allen then tested the person "under the trance by saying: " a church just burned down!" "Holy Smoke!" There was no response; no laughter.
Later they were allowed to wake up and they regained a normal sense of humor.
It was kind of funny in a way ........
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cyberangel
~ As above so below, as within so without ~
Posts: 818
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Post by cyberangel on Aug 25, 2012 3:28:08 GMT
A boy asks his father to use the car. The father replies "No, not until you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus had long hair!" to which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere." LOL  |
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 25, 2012 3:46:44 GMT
cyberangel ;D
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 25, 2012 4:17:42 GMT
Colonel Sanders walks into the Catholic church and visits the pope. After making some small talk Colonel Sanders says "I'm going to donate 1 billion dollars to the church."
The pope is a bit taken back and says "My goodness you must be very successful." The Colonel says "Yes I am. There's just one thing though. About the Lord's Prayer. You've got to change it."
The pope says "Change it? Change it how?" The Colonel says "You know the part where it says 'Give us this day our daily bread?' Well, you have to change it to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
The pope says "Boy, I don't know. That's a big decision. I'll have to make a conference call with the cardinals. I tell you what. Come back tomorrow and I'll give you an answer." So Colonel Sanders leaves, and the pope calls all the cardinals and gets the conference call going.
The pope says "Okay guys, I've got some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" One of the cardinals says "Lets hear the good news first." The pope says "Okay, here it is. We are about to receive a donation of 1 billion dollars."
The cardinals all get excited and finally one of them asks "Well, what's the bad news?" The pope says "The bad news is that it looks like we are going to loose the Wonder Bread account." LOL!
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Post by gruntal on Aug 25, 2012 4:59:55 GMT
I hope this does not belittle anyone's quest for enlightenment; it is just an attempt to defuse by humor an awkward scenario:
Down thru the ages some well meaning individuals, during Easter, have allowed themselves to be crucified as a statement of faith and commitment, (but only for a few minutes) under carefully controlled circumstances.
Except some wag will always break the solemnity by shouting: "It is a good thing the Messiah wasn't beheaded".
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 25, 2012 5:37:04 GMT
heh heh that's funny gruntal ... I've always wondered about that ...
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 25, 2012 5:46:36 GMT
This is one that should appeal to those who follow the more philosophical Spiritualitys.
Rene Descartes is in a bar getting drunk. Rene says to the bartender "I'll have another." The bartender tells him "I think you've had enough." Rene says "I think not." And in a poof of logic he disappears. LOL! ;D
For those who may not know Rene Descartes is the one who coined the phrase "I think therefore I am."
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Post by clara927 on Aug 25, 2012 10:11:32 GMT
[quote author=subsidinginsanity board=spiritualism thread=4532 post=20423 time=13458
The pope says "Okay guys, I've got some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" One of the cardinals says "Lets hear the good news first." The pope says "Okay, here it is. We are about to receive a donation of 1 billion dollars."
The cardinals all get excited and finally one of them asks "Well, what's the bad news?" The pope says "The bad news is that it looks like we are going to loose the Wonder Bread account." LOL![/quote]
Lol.. I knew it!! Jk. I don't have any jokes I can think of right ow. Just wanted to say you guys were funny.
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sparklekaz
Someone asked me.. What is your religion? I said, "All the paths that lead to the light".
Posts: 3,658
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Post by sparklekaz on Aug 25, 2012 11:35:32 GMT
There was a little old lady who stepped onto her front porch every morning, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted; "PRAISE THE LORD".
One day an atheist moved into the house next door.
He became irritated at the little old lady.
Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her
and yell; "There is no Lord!"
Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.
One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!
The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.
"PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "He has provided groceries for me!"
The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted "There is no Lord, I bought those groceries!"
The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD! He has provided me with groceries and made the Devil pay for them!" ;D
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cyberangel
~ As above so below, as within so without ~
Posts: 818
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Post by cyberangel on Aug 25, 2012 12:27:56 GMT
ROFL Karen  Little Jimmy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Jimmy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus. Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your Friend, Jimmy Now, Jimmy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was, so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try. Dear Jesus, I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Your Truly, Jimmy Well, Jimmy knew this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried again. Dear Jesus, I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle? Jimmy Well, Jimmy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the bin and went outside. He aimlessly wandered about fed up because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Jimmy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Jimmy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter. Jesus, I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike! Sincerely, You know who |
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 25, 2012 17:49:26 GMT
A young Martin Luther arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, Martin goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” The head monk goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
Martin gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, “We missed the ‘R’! We missed the ‘R’!” His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. Martin asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?” With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word was … CELEBRATE !!!” ;D
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Post by aceofcups on Aug 26, 2012 19:12:50 GMT
THE YOGI AND THE PIZZA
The Yogi walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor and said: “Make me one with everything.”
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill.
The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said “Don’t I get any change?”
The proprietor said, “Change must come from within.”
charlie
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 26, 2012 19:21:06 GMT
LOL! ;D
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 26, 2012 19:32:59 GMT
Three Buddhist monks decided to practise meditation together. They sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, I forgot my mat. He stepped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, I forgot to put my underwear out to dry. He too walked calmly across the water and returned to the hut the same way.
The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform, he declared loudly and rushed to the waters edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred, the monk climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched in amazement.
As the third monk became more frantic, the second monk turned to the first and said, Do you think we should tell him where the stones are? LOL!
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Post by aceofcups on Aug 26, 2012 19:37:27 GMT
HEAVEN
The couple was 85 years old, married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on an exotic vacation and their little plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.” The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “for this is your reward in Heaven.” The old man looked out the window and saw a championship golf course, more beautiful than any ever seen on Earth. “What are the greens fees?” grumbled the old man. “This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free, every day.” Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from rich entrees with thick sauces to exotic deserts. “Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. “This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.”
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?” he asked. “That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you’ll never get fat or sick. After all, this is Heaven!” The old man pushed, “No gym to work out at?” “Not unless you want to,” said St. Peter. “No testing my blood pressure or...?” “Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”
The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and your damn bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago already!”
peace, charlie
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 27, 2012 0:25:03 GMT
Question: Does God have a sense of humor, or is God a sense of humor.
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Post by subsidinginsanity on Aug 27, 2012 0:29:16 GMT
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." LOL!
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