|
|
Post by clara927 on Jul 8, 2012 15:35:36 GMT
It's difficult to love someone if you don't love yourself. From a spiritual perspective I think loving yourself is necessary. By that I mean all of yourself and proving that you love yourself with certain actions and changes. Sometimes we may be causing ourself harm or the other person harm because we don't fully knowourselves. We may say things and not know where its coming from because we don't know fully what's at the root of it. Even if someone we love is on our minds or in our hearts, in situations like this, isn't it better to keep a certain amount of distance until you fix yourself? In your opinion does distance heal or hurt? Does it depend on the situation? Has anyone experienced anything like this?
EDIT
I also wanted to add, can anyone ever be "ready"? What if you want to but you don't know how?
I guess you could say all these questions come from not being in the present moment. I don't even know if they have answers. I guess I have to acknowledge what I don't have control over. I know where my heart is and what my intentions are but there's no guarantees of what someone else thinks or feels. and there's no guarantee of how things will turn out. I have to accept that.
|
|
|
|
Post by aceofcups on Jul 8, 2012 19:32:13 GMT
Interesting questions again Clara. Your question made me ask questions. What does it mean to Love oneself? And what is Self in this context? Should we just love our personality ego self? Maybe accept is better word concept to me than Love here. Accepting where we are gives us a present point to work from. If you mean should we Love our whole Self which includes to me our Soul Self and our Spiritual Self.. Yes,,, if we can. But we seem to grow in stages and realizing that is helpful to me.
“The Know Thyself “ by Socrates was famous quote in ancient Greek Mystery schools. It was true then and is true now. It takes spiritual work and and sometimes struggle, but possible.
The question about distance takes into consideration the personalities and temperaments of people involved to me. Some people are more introverted, some more extroverted. If the distance is coming from a truly centered heart space...then its correctness will play out by itself and not be either forced or controlled in its expression.
peace, Charlie
|
|
|
|
Post by rt369 on Jul 9, 2012 17:40:21 GMT
Good question Clara... However if we wait to completely fix ourselves before getting into a relationship we might become too old to be in a relationship. You shouldn't not have a relationship because you think you're not worthy, the other person might be twice as not worthy as you? When you're young is the time to jump in the pool and soak up some experience so to speak. You don't have to be in a lifetime or a commited relationship to roll the dice. We all have things we like and don't like about ourselves, if we wait until everything is fixed nothing would ever happen. So what if you say something stupid, we all do. So what if it may go wrong, it happens. So what if you don't fully know yourself, whatever that means. Time to get in the game, half the fun's learning the rules as you go, but a little distance is alright. Put on a poker face, you don't have to show all your cards from the get go. Don't worry if you don't know everything, it will dawn on you, it will come to you. Who was it that said "tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" or something like that.
|
|
sparklekaz
Someone asked me.. What is your religion? I said, "All the paths that lead to the light".
Posts: 3,658
|
Post by sparklekaz on Jul 10, 2012 1:48:40 GMT
Hi Clara, I agree with both Ace and RT on this.  I believe that all our relationships are lessons in life and love, and it is through these experiences that we come to finally understand what love truly means. I know of people who are so afraid of being hurt, that they spend their whole lives avoiding intimacy or commitment. I love that old adage, "It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all". Learning to love yourself, also I feel comes through our interaction with others. In the beginning, we may judge ourselves as being lovable or worthy of love, by how others respond or treat us. In time, I feel that we develop a stronger inner sense, and come to see, that we are indeed lovable and worthy of love and respect, by our own moral compass and sensitivity. For me loving myself becomes stronger, when I do something that I can be proud of, standing up for myself, being true to myself in the face of opposition. Standing strong in my own beliefs and having the courage of my convictions, all are things about myself I would love. Maybe self love has more to do with self respect? I know from experience, when I say or do something I am ashamed of, or I know isn't right, I find it very difficult to love myself if not impossible. Love and light Kaz |
|
|
|
Post by clara927 on Jul 10, 2012 4:08:56 GMT
Thank you for your responses Ace, Rt and Kaz.
Kaz, I think that's an interesting idea, "Learning to love yourself, also I feel comes through our interaction with others." I usually don't think about it that way, but I guess it makes sense. After thinking about it, I don't think shutting all my 'doors' and keep people out is a requirement for me loving myself.
Sometimes it's hard for me to understand my motivations for things. I believed I was coming from a place of wanting to learn to love myself, but maybe I was afraid of being hurt. I thought maybe I closed myself off, I'd be able to minimize the pain. I see that not just in this situation, but in my life in general (friendships, work). I would stay inside my house for long periods and give all of these reasons, but really it was all just to avoid being hurt.
|
|
|
|
Post by DeeUSA on Jul 11, 2012 4:05:40 GMT
Hi Clara,
This is a great question. Thanks or posting it. After carefully considering each reply (all of which were very insightful), one part Ace said really resonated with me. He said to him "accept" might be a better word concept. After thinking about it, I had to say that I agree. When you "accept" who you are as a person then you will have a stronger relationship. I say that because, you come to your mate "as you are." And you give them the privilege of meeting the real you...not the you on your best behavior.
One of my favorite quotes from Jesus is "I am that I am." That used to be motto!! Hey, either accept me for who I am or kick rocks! Somehow I strayed away from that motto. BUT (which leads me into your true question lol) I had to distance myself from everybody (including my ex husband) to realize that somehow along the way I forgot the "me" that I used to be! I was trying to please my husband at the time, friends, family, potential employers, my pastor...everybody!!!
Once I took a step back I started to find myself again. So Clara, my answer (which changed from when I first read your post) would be that yes, sometimes distance is healing.
Great post Clara,
Blessings
Dee
|
|
|
|
Post by clara927 on Jul 11, 2012 14:55:18 GMT
Thank you Dee. Nice to see you. I missed your posts.
I can relate to feeling like I needed to please everyone and losing myself in the midst. I do agree that distance can be healing at different periods of your life (taking retreats). I guess wisdom comes from knowing when to withdraw from the world (in a sense) and when to put yourself back out there.
Thank you again Dee
-Clara
|
|
|
|
Post by ahna on Jul 18, 2012 5:22:59 GMT
Dear Clara,
What comes to mind after reading everything in this thread, is the Butterfly.Butterflies being representative of transformation. The butterfly emerges from a 'cocoon'. So in that regard, I wouldn't even say that I 'distance' myself from anyone. I find it a necessary part of my path to 'cocoon' at times. Sometimes I even call it 'cave time'.
If you think about it, a cocoon, a cave, a mother's womb, all have an absence of 'light'. All three of these are representive of being 'within'.
Life, Light and Love, Ahna
|
|
