Bereaved and seeking

[cheetu]

About 4 years ago I had the most vivid dream, where I was walking hand in hand with my dear husband and we come upon a tunnel. I sense danger and say to my husband we should try another path, but he insists that it is safe and we continue to walk into the tunnel...a few steps inside and we come upon a big hole dug in the ground with small mounds of earth around. As I feel increased sense of danger and panic, my husband attempts to leap across this hole in an attempt to cross and I see him going straight down the hole and disappear into the earth...the look in his eyes and intensity of the pain I feel in my heart awakened me from this dream. I could not get this dream out of my mind and the pain in my heart remained for a few weeks after. However, as I got busy with life, had a baby, moved from countries the dream was forgotten. A year ago exactly this time, my dear husband was diagnosed with cancer. He passed away two months ago0, he was 34. The pain I feel in my heart now is familiar from the dream


I'm trying to seek answers as I'm grieving. Was there something I could have done to change the course of my life? Did I attract this event in my life? Did I agree to this event before birth? Was I party to his soul's decision to leave as he did? Ive read so much material on how some people make the choice to come back and heal, why didn't my husband choose to come back if there was such a point of choice. Where should I place God in the scheme of things, as I see I was not graced with healing after prayers (not rituals) crystals, reiki, visualizations, psychic guidance, alternate therapy et al...I do believe that soul is eternal and that loved ones can and do communicate after crossing over. Why hasn't this happened to me? We shared a very strong connection and were very much in love till the end. What happens to the love we had for each other? Will I be forgotten as he carries on with his evolution as a soul? They say that souls are very happy after they cross over to their spiritual homes and that love is eternal...and that loved ones watch over and inspire people they leave behind. I need validation to even take strength from philosophies expressed in books such as Brian Weiss's. I have an aching sense of emptiness and lack of purpose in life. I feel guilt as I feel I'm not 100% with my baby - my thoughts mostly revolve around how much longer do I have to stay behind, in the sense that I just wanna raise her as fast as I can and then finish my job and be gone. I hold no anger about this - just a deep sense to know the truth ...

[sparklekaz]

Dear Cheetu,

My heart goes out to you, as I know you are still grieving deeply for your husband. I can see by your words, you have been searching, looking for answers. Many draw comfort from the belief that the soul is eternal, that we continue once we leave the physical world and pass into the world of spirit. But that does not take away the aching sense of loss we feel inside of being deprived of the physical presence of those we love.

You are very young to be widowed, but you have a wonderful gift in your child. For in her, you have a physical part of your husband with you always. I know this can be a bittersweet thing, as whilst this brings comfort, it is also painful, as you must see him in her every day. In time, you will only take joy from this rather then the pain you feel at the moment.

You ask a lot of questions, could you have changed the course of your life? Would you have wanted too? You may have been able to avoid the pain of loss, but then you would not have known the joy of loving him and the happiness of your marriage and the birth of your child. Would you really of changed that?

Do we know before we are born about what is to happen? I believe part of our soul plan is to live a life which presents us with the most opportunities for growth. I believe no experience is without its high or low points. For when we experience great pain we are also given the capacity know the heights of love. It does not make the difficulties we experience any easier knowing this, but for me believing that there is a purpose to it somehow does make it easier to bear.

Your grief is very raw and I know at this point in time it must be so hard for you to envision a life that will again be filled with love and happiness. But it will do. It just takes time. I am positive it is what your husband would want for you and his child. I believe they do watch over us, and when your pain is less raw, I feel you will sense him around you. Often it is grief that acts as a barrier, making it difficult for those we love in spirit to make their presence felt. But be sure he will do, when you are ready. Pay attention to your dreams, as often this is a doorway spirit use, to visit us.

I can give you a brief interpretation of what the dream meant symbolically to me.

You are your husband were walking along a path. Symbolically the path, is the pathway of life. Walking hand in hand you are traversing life together, joined and sharing every experience of the pathway.

The tunnel, represents a passageway through levels of consciousness to new insight, expanded reality. When you see the tunnel, you feel afraid and want to go another way. On this level, your sense of expanded awareness was warning you about something. But your husband reassures you it will be ok. In life, did he often take the lead and was more confident then you were? The hole in the ground represents the unknown part of the self. This unknown part may be your sensitivity, your intuitive awareness.

Your husband disappears into the hole, he goes somewhere you cannot follow. Tunnels represent the passageway between different levels of consciousness and this could be also be the passageway between this level of existence and the world of spirit.

I hope this has helped a little Cheetu.

Love and light
Kaz

[clara927]

Dear Cheetu,

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. I wanted to give you words of comfort. I kept looking at your post trying to find an answer. I don't think I know the answers.

But I think that maybe you might be either looking to the past and remembering all of the good times with your husband or looking to the future, hoping to meet him again in whatever form or dimension. Maybe the reason you aren't getting any messages from where he is, is because the universe is trying to tell you to remain in the present. You should try to keep your thoughts on the present moment.

Whenever I feel that ache of emptiness and loneliness that you describe, it's usually because my mind is in the past, either being nostalgic or regretful; or I'm too far into the future, wither being anxious or fearful. Staying in the present seems like such a simple concept but it can be so hard when we lose someone and we're caught up in all of the emotions that it brings. I know you're grieving and it's difficult. But I think that it becomes even more difficult when keep yearning for some future moment when something is supposed to happen or nostalgic for the way it used to be.

I hope that something I said is of some kind of help to you.

EDIT: I just wanted to add that I'm sorry if I came off as harsh or disconnected. I don't know what it's like to have a spouse pass away. So, that is a pain I don't know and will only know when I come into it. I have experienced loss or perceived loss in other ways and I was just speaking from my experiences. I do hope that you find your answers.

[christdavid]

Listen and you will hear the hymns of the ego. Its song is of never ending pain because things are not as it would have them to be. Such is the arrogance of the ego.

Reality is. When we hold life hostage to our "wants" we will not find happiness there. What seems to happen in time is not real. It is a dream made of dust. Those that place their heart in what is made of dust will be left with dust. You can take this learning and place your heart in truth or listen to the voice of death and cry out in your lament.

You have unlimited power. You can literally make worlds or at least the illusion of them. You can people your world with those that are not real. And when the vanish into the nothingness from where they came you grow angry. You then project onto God and your brothers this pain and anguish. What God made is eternal. Your husband's spirit lives always.

You are not alone, but you may "believe" you are. I will try and give you what I have learned.

Your post is witness to your power to create or more correctly, to miscreate. You are the child of a Creator. You were imbued with the same will to create. Even in this world when we sleep we dream. The same happens in the spiritual realm. You sleep, and what you see before your eyes you made.

When we are asleep at night we dream and the dreams seem real to us. When we awake, we no longer accord them any reality. It will be the same when you awaken spiritually. These things that trouble you will no longer be accorded any reality to you at all. It never was.

Look past what is made of dust and do not place your heart there. Where your heart is, so too is your treasure. Seek, and you will find.

Christ David

[christdavid]

Rejoice in what is true.

Hear the voice of truth. You are not alone.

The voice for God calls you to awaken. You are just beginning to see. It calls to you. It may come on a Tuesday afternoon.

A hymn of awakening.

Christ David