In need of some help

[silvereagle]

Hi everyone, i will introduce myself, im a medium and have been all my life, i have done and still do demonstrations and one to ones. You would of thought with my knowledge i would overcome most things that life throws at me, but this pain is something im finding hard to cope with.

A couple of years ago my wife of nearly 30 years left for some space, yes you have heard it all before i know, but one of my children let slip that she had gone to a refuge for domestic abuse. My world fell apart, aparently because i was controlling. She divorced me, using all types of stories that even my children couldnt believe, but as always the divorce went through on just her say so, i hadnt the strength or the funds to fight. She whilst at the refuge unbeknown to them, came home every weekend, she told them she was at my daughters, and when i picked her up i drove her to the door, well, out of site just around the corner, as this was a place of safety for women i wasnt really meant to know where she was. She left the refuge and returned 3 times, each time making up a story to get back in. If they knew the truth she would have not been aloud to. She had been home a year and after getting on well has now told me she has been bidding on houses and has just been given a brand new house in the same village where we live, she got this on the grounds of domestic abuse, she will get help moving and with getting furniture.

I will lose my home as im classed as a domestic abuser, i have 5 children who tell me time and time again im no controller, and if anything she is the controller. shes been going around telling everyone, i feel terrible, the last village we lived in she spread rumours there, i was glad to get away, now i walk around here with my head down, not believing shes done it again. This started about 5 years ago, she was abused as a child and im begining to think im paying the price. You cannot question any of her actions as she simply blows her top. Shes or should say was the most beautiful person, loving and so kind, now its like a button has been pressed and i dont know her any more. It has been suggested its menopause as shes 50 this year.

That dosnt help me, ive lost everything, i have one to ones to do but my stomach hurts with the pain of what shes done, i cant lift myself to work with spirit, it wouldnt be fair on those who want the sittings as i feel i wouldnt be working at my best. I love her, where has she gone, in 6 weeks i will be homeless along with my saluki dog who has home alone issues so cant be rehomed, the local shelter said she would have to be put to sleep as they couldnt do anything with her. Ive spent all my money on doing the house up as it was a mess when we came here. Its still not finished, and never will be i guess. I will have to go bankrupt as i lost my business last year and could only get part time work. I could of maybe stayed here but as she is fleeing the home because of domestic violence im not entitled to.

These refuge places are a great idea for those at risk, but surely someone should at least try and clarify what these women who go there are saying, ok if its physical as this can be seen, but my ex wife wasnt the only one seeing their so called abusers, and some did it just to get houses and then their abusers move in a few months later. My life is in tatters, ive been told im so loving and careing, i now feel like a criminal, a spiritual medium cant work with that over their head, im sure, im as low as ive ever felt, please help......Kevin.

[Leon]

Hi Kevin, welcome to the group. Thank you for being honest with your heartfelt message. I can feel you calling out for help. I read between the lines, and I take no one's side in this. Yet as you are here and not your wife, it is only you we can help. The story does sound like self sabotage on your wifes side. It does sound like she is making matters seems worse than they actually are to get away.

She probably would get no housing help without good reason, and seems this is the route she has gone down. I am not here to judge you, for me you know what you have done right and wrong in your life, no one needs to tell you this.

You do need to let go though, as you have been clinging to this situation for longer than need be. It does not matter if we are intuitive or not, just because one can see a situation better, it does not mean it is easy to act upon our feelings. You cannot switch love on and off, yet this has been going one way for quite a while. It is now time to concentrate on you, and your way forwards. I really don't think you are an abuser, you have just grown apart from your wife, and she has found a way out of the situation, that is what I see.

Concentrate on you from now onwards, it is time for you to heal. I hope you can find time to pop into our chat room for a longer talk.

God bless..

[silvereagle]

Thank you for your reply, she got the house through whatever she told both the refuge and the council, i dread to think what that was. In a sense i guess there is anger at how someone can just ruin anothers life so easily, but hopefully i will carry on and come out the otherside. Feeling her love one day and then experiencing her anger the next is not easy. I go against everyone and keep having her back. I need to heal, so much to deal with first, i can get no help anywhere with housing, im broke, but lucky i have a part time job, and i wont have my dog put to sleep, once i lose this pain, i will throw myself into my Spiritulism, i feel like im alone, i know im not though, need to still my mind, your an Angel.......Kevin.

[sparklekaz]

Dear Kevin,

Welcome to The God Light.

I was saddened to read your story, it is clear it has been a very difficult and painful time for you. I agree with what Leon has said, and you will agree I am sure that there is always two sides to a story. Whatever your wife's reasons for acting as she has, she is clearly not a happy women and for this reason has decided to take the course of action she has.

When a relationship ends, it is always a very difficult time for all concerned, and I am sure your children have not come through this unscathed either. You sound as if you have a good relationship with them and they are being supportive to you. It must be hard for them seeing both parents unhappy. I would echo what Leon has said and encourage you now to think of yourself and focus on that and your children. We all need loving support when we are struggling and they appear to be giving it to you and that speaks volumes about the kind of person you truly are.

I am really happy that you will not have to part with your dog, that would have been terrible. I am positive things will improve for you Kevin. Especially when you accept the situation and are able to move forward accepting that your wife is no longer a part of your life. I am guessing that it was the hope that she would return and was why you kept on taking her back to you. You are not a fool, just someone who loves and was willing to do anything to keep their marriage alive. But we can only do so much on our own, both people have to be willing.

I am a great believer, in what will be will be. For now, you have to focus on your own healing and way forward. I enjoyed reading your post 'Passing Over', and look forward to reading more words from you. We have some great members here, and I am sure you will make friends and enjoy sharing with like minded others. You also don't need me to tell you, that you are not alone.

Love and light
Kaz

[Leon]

It is time to let the anger go Kevin, she did whatever she needed to, to get away. You now need to do the same. People can often change like the wind, I know its difficult to see someone loving then the next day they are the opposite. But the writing has been on the wall for a while. It is time to accept that this situation will never change, if she is loving again, she will push you away again. The cycle will not change, she has her own unresolved issues to deal with, and you have yours.

You must breakaway for your own good. This life is like a journey, we make camp in one place, and then we realise there is no food or a lack or clean water, we have to carry what we can and move on to another place. The same applies here, you need fresh water, a fresh kind of love. You need to pack what you can carry on your spiritual journey and move forwards, do not look back, look towards the bright new world on the horizon.