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Post by Leon on Apr 24, 2012 18:06:45 GMT
How do you remove the desire within yourself to cling to earthly objects, situations and people?
There is an old saying that goes, what you cling to destroys you. What do you feel is the best solution, so as to overcome this dilemma?
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Post by clara927 on Apr 25, 2012 11:45:16 GMT
I'm not sure Leon. I've had issues in the past with clinging to things. For me, it stems from being hurt by those closest to me. So when I was around someone or something that brought me happiness, I would cling to that person to try and recreate that feeling. It comes from a lack of trust, because I felt my trust had been betrayed in the past. It's very hard typing this and it's painful. I find that now I seem to cling to my loneliness and that's become a problem because I've become disinterested or maybe even a little afraid of interacting with people. Afraid that everyone "out there"s would be as mean to me as those who hurt me. Using logic, I know that that is not true. There are kind people and I know that, but somehow there's still a bit of fear keeping me from fully moving forward. I still completely don't know how to solve this problem. I'd appreciate any input from other people. How do you not cling to people, situations or objects?
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sparklekaz
Someone asked me.. What is your religion? I said, "All the paths that lead to the light".
Posts: 3,658
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Post by sparklekaz on Apr 25, 2012 12:48:02 GMT
A good question Leon. I think many people have this problem Clara, do not think you are a isolated case. Its only natural to want to hold on to something or someone who brings us happiness and makes us feel good about ourselves. The problem is, that if you hold on to something too tightly it can squeeze the life out of it. Literally in the case of relationships. I believe this 'clinging' is born of fear, not of love. The fear of loss, the fear of not being good enough. If that person is out of my sight for too long, they will forget me, or find someone else they would rather be with. It is so sad, because we simply cannot see how lovely we are, how many really great qualities we have. How many times have we had a compliment paid to us and it flies over our heads. But one insensitive or thoughtless word about us, will stay with us forever. Why is it, that we would rather believe the worst about ourselves or other people then think of all the nice things. I have to say its a almost masochistic self punishing attitude to life. I have been guilty of this too, so this is not said to hurt others, simply an honest statement of how I see people behaving. So for me, the only way to work on this problem, for myself and other people, is to work on our own feelings of self esteem and self love. If you have ever been on the receiving end of an intense claustrophobic relationship, then you will understand how difficult it can be. It is a massive burden of responsibility to put onto another person's shoulders. To make that person feel they and they alone are responsible for 'your' happiness. It can challenge even the strongest of people. It happens too in friendships, not just personal relationships. We have all had a friend, who wants you to be 'only' their friend and resents you talking to or doing things with anyone else. This kind of possessiveness is very selfish, and often we tell ourselves, they do because they care about us so much, but in truth it is about control. The psychological reasons for clinging and possessive behaviour are too many to list here, and often their roots lie in abandonment, abuse and trust issues steming from childhood. A little bit of clingyness for me is normal, but when it becomes extreme, it affects every area of our life. This kind of problem really needs professional help. There is lots of help available, you just have to look. In the meantime, you can help yourself by doing some positive affirmations, reading self help books and being honest with yourself about how you really feel. Are you happy being like this, do you want to change and then putting in the work to make this better. I don't believe you are an extreme case Clara, it is just your post set me off thinking about, why do people cling.  I think you have great insight into why you feel the way you do, and because of this do know how to make things better for yourself. When someone abuses our trust, we actually lose trust in ourselves. We doubt our own ability to make good choices and decisions in life, because its gone wrong before. All you need is time, it is true what they say it is a great healer. In time you will learn to trust again, because your confidence in your own ability to be discerning will improve. You will recognise the signs when someone isn't being truthful to you. You will have the strength of will and self love, to know that you do not want someone in your life who you do not trust. Listen to your gut instincts, your intuition. If you meet someone who you do like, whether its in your personal life or in a friendship, you will see that it is better to nurture this relationship and give it the space to grow and thrive, rather then to smother it. A bit like how we look after our plants. I have managed to send quite a few off to plant heaven with my tendency to kill it with kindness. Love and light Kaz |
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Post by Floraloak on May 3, 2012 23:13:44 GMT
I totally agree with what Kaz has said here… so no sense in repeating it… I just want to add that when we cling to something or someone, take a good look at what you are clinging to… why does this thing or this person affect you the way they do? What are the qualities you see in this thing or person?... then look at yourself…. And ask those same questions… it’s the classic mirroring thing we have talked about in the room many times… yes the bottom line is clinging has to do with self esteem/self love issues… so affirmations will help to a point… but once you realize what the issue really is… such as mistrust or abandonment (and yes many of these issues stem from childhood or earlier) you have to make the conscious decision to do the work to resolve these issues, or they will continue to plague you. Clinginess does make you look very deep into yourself if you are willing to look… take that journey one step at a time… and remember happiness begins with you… we never find happiness outside of ourselves.
God bless,
Silvia
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Post by gatesofgrace on May 11, 2012 10:57:05 GMT
It's very hard typing this and it's painful. I find that now I seem to cling to my loneliness and that's become a problem because I've become disinterested or maybe even a little afraid of interacting with people. I'd appreciate any input from other people. How do you not cling to people, situations or objects? clara927, Let me encourage you to consider what some call the dark night of the soul. In fact you are describing the same with your quote above. It is important for me or anyone to allow such things to play out. I can add this: Imagine one who will stand before the king. Before they do so, they are briefed as to subject matter and any further responsibilities they must understand in their conduct. Blessings to you clara927! You have been chosen in this way. When it has been seen that there is only illusion in what was, then what remains is what is. Remember this: Any despair realized is the antitheses of the joy that will be realized as well. One needs to persevere! |
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Post by gatesofgrace on May 18, 2012 19:03:17 GMT
It is worth noting that even as one passes conviction's and are enamored... even elated and overcome with joy in their liberation, a time will come to pass... that as nothing earthly is any longer edifying... one becomes surprisingly very much alone. As the nature of one's soul is stretched beyond all known parameters... it remains unattached for a time.
Yet, at no time in one's salvation is one "watched" in the "all" of manifestation more. This irony is much like maturity. One needs to embrace to diminish, to face without fear, to know no fear...
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Post by brummyben on May 22, 2012 11:41:16 GMT
We live in a world of grasping, taking what we can get even when we have plenty, even at the expense of others lives.
I do not believe that you can mentally stop your clinging. After all, if I want something, then I really do want something. But you can become aware of what it is actually want and its true value within the order of things. If you try and force yourself into a life without grasping, all you are doing is grasping onto another concept or idea. For me, realising that I cannot take anything physical with me when I go helps. Even things that I leave behind for others, i.e houses, jewellery, money will eventually perish much the same way as my body does.
I once saw a program in a buddhist monastary where monks made this amazing work of art. It took a lot of them ages to do it, and perhaps would be sold over here for a lot of money. But as soon as they finished it, they smashed it up into pieces. This was despite the man hours involved, its emotional or financial value, or the fact that it would have looked great upon their wall.
I have managed to given up attachment to a lot of my personal items. I still struggle tho with concepts such as my job, my family, my body, my life. Infact, near enough anything preceeded by the word 'my'. The funny thing is they were never mine to begine with really!!!
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Ishtahota
The one question that anwsers all other questions. Who am I?
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Post by Ishtahota on May 29, 2012 0:20:41 GMT
Live like a Spirit and not like a human being. Realize that we live forever, and once a relationship begins it never ends. All of the people that we interact with here friend or enemy are our friends on the other side. Only a good friend is going to come down here and be our enemy so that we can grow and come to learn who we really are. Our body is like a shirt, we wear it out and we take it off. We travel threw time and space with a lot of the same souls. Coming together and going apart to experience different things.
For me it was just simply changing how I think. Doing the personal clearing work to develop conscious contact. The universe is abundant. And once you have a lot of stuff you kind of get enslaved by it all. I can rent a boat, but if I buy one, I have to keep it up and rent a place to keep it, I also have to pay insurance. Once you have something nice the shinny kind of wears off after a while.
This is just a wonderful school, one that teaches us who we really are.
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Post by rosesrblu111 on Jun 6, 2012 19:33:07 GMT
Live like a Spirit and not like a human being. Realize that we live forever, and once a relationship begins it never ends. All of the people that we interact with here friend or enemy are our friends on the other side. Only a good friend is going to come down here and be our enemy so that we can grow and come to learn who we really are. Our body is like a shirt, we wear it out and we take it off. We travel threw time and space with a lot of the same souls. Coming together and going apart to experience different things. For me it was just simply changing how I think. Doing the personal clearing work to develop conscious contact. The universe is abundant. And once you have a lot of stuff you kind of get enslaved by it all. I can rent a boat, but if I buy one, I have to keep it up and rent a place to keep it, I also have to pay insurance. Once you have something nice the shinny kind of wears off after a while. This is just a wonderful school, one that teaches us who we really are. ishtahota your words of wisdom touch my heart and I thank you |
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I think you have great insight into why you feel the way you do, and because of this do know how to make things better for yourself. When someone abuses our trust, we actually lose trust in ourselves. We doubt our own ability to make good choices and decisions in life, because its gone wrong before. All you need is time, it is true what they say it is a great healer. 
