Forgiveness

[spiritualfriend]

Is forgiveness constantly on tap within us, or do we have to keep turning on the light within us to find it especially when we constantly have to forgive on this Earth, whether it be a neighbour, a friend, husband or wife, forgiveness is an ongoing part of life. How do we keep that resource available within us, how do we keep that light on, so that people who choose to do the wrong thing by us don't destroy us?

[Floraloak]

The answer is LOVE.

When we forgive we often forgive because it’s the right thing to do… yet as we forgive the other party we still hold a bit of resentment, anger, etc. deep within us. We forgive but are leery of them, sometimes wondering if they’ll do it again. This is not ‘forgiveness’.

Forgiveness should be given with love in our heart. Forgiveness means that we forgive all those who took part in the situation… that means of course that we must also forgive ourselves for the part we played as well as the other party… and we must forgive both with love. ‘Forgive myself?’ You ask. To that I say ‘Yes!’…

Everyone knows that it takes ‘two’ to create any situation… so we must look at the part we played….

Did I allow the other party somehow to do this wrong?

Look back at the situation…were there ‘red flags’ (things that little signs that they were about to do this wrong to me). Most likely there were… if so… Why did I choose to ignore those little signs? (We often see these ‘red flags’ and ignore them, in the hope that we’re wrong about the person, this is commendable, however, this is also a big part in why we must forgive ourselves; the other option is we continue to carry this guilt and pain within us, not being able to truly forgive ourselves or the other person… this sets us up for even more of the same. Have you ever noticed a pattern of hurts? This would be why the same type of hurt happens over and over again… the people might be different, but the situations are very similar. When we hold in the hurt; the painful situation without fully forgiving ourselves we attract more of the same…. ‘Law of Attraction’ works both ways… it’s not just about attracting good in your life… we also attract pain and hurtful things in our lives too.

Does the other party even realize that their actions hurt me? Did I speak up for myself in this situation?

Maybe they don’t even realize that I’m hurt by their actions, or words… This is often the case… many of us don’t speak up; instead we take the hurt inside us and live with the pain… the reasons for this are many… our upbringing may have taught us to just be quiet, to not ensue an argument or maybe we’re so angry inside we’re scared of our own reaction if we start to say what we need to say… Maybe even in some situations we have no clue as to what to say as we may be dumbfounded by what just happened. Whatever the reason, in the end we do need to ‘speak up’… we need to ‘get if off our chest’ so to speak.

If the situation is old, past and gone yet still affect us, the best way to speak your piece about it is to journal about it… right down everything we want to say about it… even the things we wished we would have said at the time. Write down how it makes us feel, even today… while writing allow yourself to ‘feel’ the emotions that you hold in so deep… feel and write… feel and write… once you’re done put the letter/journal away for a day or so…. Then go back and read what you wrote. Read it out loud so that your ears can hear what you have to say… read it over and over again… you’ll find that each time you read it… you’ll feel emotions in different parts of the letter/journal… keep reading it out loud until you can read through the whole thing without emotions… much like reading a newspaper… When you can do this you know you have worked through the emotional hurt/pain… you are then ready to forgive yourself and the other party, with LOVE…

Do I fully understand their point of view to the situation, and in doing so can I come to understand their actions?

This question makes us put ourselves in the other party’s shoes… it’s part of ‘turning the other cheek’… Sometimes we can put ourselves in their shoes and we can see why they did what they did… but do we really understand why they did what they did? Often we don’t. On the surface, it may seem cut and dry from where we are standing… but we truly don’t know what’s going on inside them, what they have experienced, what their fears are, or even what they were thinking at the time.

For this reason we need to open a dialogue with them… draw on compassion and honesty… remembering that they are likely hurting deep down inside too… even if we’re not aware of what their pain is… people react through pain… did they choose to take that action (actor) or were they reacting (reactor) to the situation. Often, you’ll find that they, like you, were reacting … so the pain caused in the situation is often caused by ‘reactions’ on both sides. Rarely, is it caused by deliberate ‘acts’. Understanding this will also bring you closer to forgiving with LOVE… and being able to let go of the hurt/pain. When we see that both sides were under the influence of ‘reactions’… we see that both parties need forgiveness… and both parties need LOVE.

I hope this helps, God bless!
Silvia

[chiarra]

well said floral

[sparklekaz]

Dear Silvia,

I must have missed this post the first time around, though I don't know how I could have done so, as it is so beautifully written. It is the most poignant and well thought out piece I have ever read on the subject of forgiveness. So thank you for taking the time to write it.

It resonated with me on so many levels. It is the kind of piece that you can keep re reading, because it is so insightful, and as such, each time it is read, imparts wisdom.

A passage that stood out the most for me was " Often, you’ll find that they, like you, were reacting … so the pain caused in the situation is often caused by ‘reactions’ on both sides. Rarely, is it caused by deliberate ‘acts’. Understanding this will also bring you closer to forgiving with LOVE… and being able to let go of the hurt/pain". I hope when being read, it speaks to the one who has been hurt, as well as the one who has done the hurting. Because as you most eloquently put.. Rarely, is it caused by 'deliberate acts'.

I have always found it easier to forgive others then to forgive myself. To those I have hurt in the past, I hope they one day read words like this and understand. Finding it in their hearts to find forgiveness too.

Thank you Chiarra, for bringing this post back up..

Love and light
Kaz

[Floraloak]

Thank you Chiarra and Kaz, glad you liked it and that you could take something from it Kaz.

The piece you picked up on is one you often hear me talk about in chat…. Short form when checking where you are in a situation is… Am I an ‘actor’ or a ‘reactor’?

Shakespeare did tell us ‘the world’s a stage, and we all have a part to play’. Makes me wonder if he was eluding to this… unfortunately many of us are ‘reactors’ and not ‘actors’… ‘Actors’ take responsibility for their actions; for the part they play… where as a ‘reactor’ is the consequence of a chain reaction, not responsibility….

Understanding the difference helps us to step back and look at the play/situation; it helps us take responsibility for our actions; helps us to act in a loving manner.

Reacting, doesn’t need responsibility; it doesn’t require you to come from a place of LOVE either… it is just a product of a chaos… when we add LOVE to chaos, we help bring order to chaos… hmmm isn’t that what God would want us to do?

God bless,
Silvia

[gnts]

The answer of LOVE is absolutely correct. The question of how to keep the light turned on becomes a question of where do I get my strength? If I am practicing and growing spiritually, my strength comes from the divine within me. I only get into trouble when I start relying on those around me to make me happy or fulfill me.

[DeeUSA]

Thanks so much for this post Silvia. While reading it I could feel physical changes in my body (increased heartrate etc). This post forces us to be honest with ourselves and to have empathy. It very hard for me to reach a state of love and forgiveness. But one thing said is ringing over and over in my head.

"This would be why the same type of hurt happens over and over again… the people might be different, but the situations are very similar. When we hold in the hurt; the painful situation without fully forgiving ourselves we attract more of the same…. ‘Law of Attraction’ works both ways… it’s not just about attracting good in your life… we also attract pain and hurtful things in our lives too."

So although I don't feel I'm strong enough to try to use love to forgive...I know now that I must because I keep attracting the same situation over and over...and they're are getting more difficult to overcome.

Thank you so much for this post. I will be back to reread this post to gain further insight.

Dee

[charu16]

hi spiritualfriend,
its a great question because if we wish to grow godlike and wish to attain peace and happiness we have to keep that light on ...
We need to forgive people..
we can always enlighten this light by analyzing and remembering that by not forgiving the person we will become victim, may suffer from anxiety, high blood pressure, depression and other health problems. we never want to loose our health so we should forgive..

God Bless u
charu

[crystalmaster]

First, love yourself, then you may love everyone. PERIOD. Then there is no need for forgiveness if you truly love others. Forgive yourself with the understanding that we happen not to be perfect. Neither are the others in our lives.

Peace and love to you.