Post by sparklekaz on Dec 23, 2006 18:21:35 GMT
I wanted to share this with you all, maybe there are those of you out there, that can relate to it, and understand how I was feeling.
I went to Sebastian's Christmas concert on Thursday night, his last one before going to high school next Autumn. I was so proud of him, watching him playing Josef or Joseph in the Nativity Play. I looked to my side, as if to say aah look at him, he looks so sweet in his outfit and beautifully, he sings. When I realized, there was no one to say it too. I felt very, very alone.
I came from a Irish Catholic family born in the midlands. I was the eldest grandchild and very much loved by my Grandparents and my two Aunts and Uncle. We were a small family, but oh, so close. Every Christmas, my Mother would wake me up in the middle of the night to go to Midnight mass. We would then go to Granny and Granddad's for Bacon Sandwiches, and my grandmother would let us have a thimble full of sherry. Oh how grown up my sisters and I felt, and giggled as we imagined ourselves getting tipsy. Then a bit of sherry trifle, that my Granny made that was out of this world. Then on Christmas day, after dinner again, over to my Granddad's and we would practice our Irish dancing for them. Boxing day over to my auntie's, and a family party. We all had to do our thing, my thing was as my cousin Christopher's assistant. He was a magician, and I assisted..lol Also I had one song which I used to sing, badly, "I saw a Mouse" where, on the stairs, right there" lol. All this greeting by claps, and warm words of encouragement. How we basked in that. We were so lucky. My own home life with my parents was a stark contrast, but thats another story.
I sat there on the cold seat in church watching my son, all these thoughts running through my head, and missing them all, so, so much. My heart ached. Then something above my head in the rafters of the church caught my eye. A quick light movement, and it was as if the church was full. Full of spirit, and I felt a small hand slip into mine, and I looked and my mother was beside me, and the other side of me, was my Grandfather, and my Granny and my Uncle. They beamed huge smiles at me, and although no words were spoken, I knew that they were telling me, that I was not alone. That they were there watching loving and having pride in me and my son, whom they loved as much as me. I felt all the heaviness lift from my heart, and I felt as light as air, and full of love. I didn't feel alone anymore. Not only that, but that church was full, of deceased relatives, come to watch their children and their children's children performing their Christmas nativity play.
So for those of you missing, thinking of those you have loved and have passed. Know that they are there with you this Christmas and every Christmas, sharing this special time with you, as they always did.
Love and light
Kaz
I went to Sebastian's Christmas concert on Thursday night, his last one before going to high school next Autumn. I was so proud of him, watching him playing Josef or Joseph in the Nativity Play. I looked to my side, as if to say aah look at him, he looks so sweet in his outfit and beautifully, he sings. When I realized, there was no one to say it too. I felt very, very alone.
I came from a Irish Catholic family born in the midlands. I was the eldest grandchild and very much loved by my Grandparents and my two Aunts and Uncle. We were a small family, but oh, so close. Every Christmas, my Mother would wake me up in the middle of the night to go to Midnight mass. We would then go to Granny and Granddad's for Bacon Sandwiches, and my grandmother would let us have a thimble full of sherry. Oh how grown up my sisters and I felt, and giggled as we imagined ourselves getting tipsy. Then a bit of sherry trifle, that my Granny made that was out of this world. Then on Christmas day, after dinner again, over to my Granddad's and we would practice our Irish dancing for them. Boxing day over to my auntie's, and a family party. We all had to do our thing, my thing was as my cousin Christopher's assistant. He was a magician, and I assisted..lol Also I had one song which I used to sing, badly, "I saw a Mouse" where, on the stairs, right there" lol. All this greeting by claps, and warm words of encouragement. How we basked in that. We were so lucky. My own home life with my parents was a stark contrast, but thats another story.
I sat there on the cold seat in church watching my son, all these thoughts running through my head, and missing them all, so, so much. My heart ached. Then something above my head in the rafters of the church caught my eye. A quick light movement, and it was as if the church was full. Full of spirit, and I felt a small hand slip into mine, and I looked and my mother was beside me, and the other side of me, was my Grandfather, and my Granny and my Uncle. They beamed huge smiles at me, and although no words were spoken, I knew that they were telling me, that I was not alone. That they were there watching loving and having pride in me and my son, whom they loved as much as me. I felt all the heaviness lift from my heart, and I felt as light as air, and full of love. I didn't feel alone anymore. Not only that, but that church was full, of deceased relatives, come to watch their children and their children's children performing their Christmas nativity play.
So for those of you missing, thinking of those you have loved and have passed. Know that they are there with you this Christmas and every Christmas, sharing this special time with you, as they always did.
Love and light
Kaz
