Post by Sinsual on Feb 3, 2008 14:59:28 GMT
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Now, mostly I think this dream is about recent tensions in the family regarding the ranch house and some unexpected permanent guests that I didn't get any say about even though I have to live with them alone here. That caused some issues and caused me to have to stand up for myself with my family and the fall out isn't known yet, in fact, I don't know that they even took me seriously other than maybe they want to replace me now. But that's anxiety speaking on my part. Mostly I just want to make this odd situation work, do my work unimpeded and eventually get this family business working so I have a real income instead of begging for every red cent and having to justify it after working so hard.
What I would like input on is the meanings you think about what it meant the kitchen wall was missing and the little details that don't make sense to me. I'm sure there is a reason its the kitchen instead of the bedroom so its less personal in one way and more family in another. But I think i'm too close to it right now and my emotions have been on overdrive the past week. Help?
Something about being in a large house where there was water pouring through at different spots. I was there with other people and children. I wasn’t the homeowner though, someone else was. My job seemed to be to take care of everyone in it. They didn’t listen to me. They didn’t bring me what I needed to do the job right. What I needed to stop the leaks from ruining these expensive looking pictures hanging on the wall and the carpets etc. ( they looked like impressionist and cubist paintings, in heavy gold frames) The water was literally pouring in from cracks in the foundation near the ceiling. They weren’t normal cracks though, they ran from side to side not up and down and they had a tendency to appear and disappear just as you got to them and show up somewhere else.
I sometimes thought it was storming outside but other times it looked clear but the water was left over from something and coming down from above us. There was an out building, and it was pretty derelict with old furniture and tatty things in it. Looked like a playground for the mice or something. Dust everywhere. One wall open in the kitchen to the outside.
The other people seemed accustomed to money and rather well off. I felt like Cinderella and the evil step family. No one seemed particularly mean or anything, just bratty, not well behaved, inconsiderate etc.
I don’t remember a lot of the dream otherwise but I know I was kneeling bent over in a semi-Muslim prayer position (not praying though) kind of feeling exhausted and defeated. With my arm resting against my forehead as my head was down.
I didn’t want to go back to the house again or be found by the inhabitants. I felt completely drained and unappreciated. I was tired of fighting for my “space” there and always feeling like a slave. There was someone I thought of as “aunt” coming to visit with her kids in a gold colored little four door sedan. I could see across the lot to the parking in front of the big house and there I saw her pull in and park across from the house in a strange place.
I was thinking something like “god they are here. I don’t want to be around them anymore. I can’t take it anymore” when a neighbor lady (who I vaguely remember giving me either a chili recipe before or bringing me chili in a pot before) pops her head in thru the hole in the kitchen. I just can’t muster the energy to deal with her or fake smiles etc. She tries to engage me in talk but my obvious apathy throws her off and I remember hearing her think “you aren’t who I thought you were”
I got kind of upset hearing that because I felt I should make the effort to befriend her but I just didn’t have it in me. I thought I might regret this moment later. She left again and I heard the kids playing and getting closer. They were all looking for where I had hidden. I heard them enter the little house and I felt mad at the invasion of privacy but defeated in that they found me again. I knew soon they’d be pulling and pulling at me.
Then I woke up.
Now, mostly I think this dream is about recent tensions in the family regarding the ranch house and some unexpected permanent guests that I didn't get any say about even though I have to live with them alone here. That caused some issues and caused me to have to stand up for myself with my family and the fall out isn't known yet, in fact, I don't know that they even took me seriously other than maybe they want to replace me now. But that's anxiety speaking on my part. Mostly I just want to make this odd situation work, do my work unimpeded and eventually get this family business working so I have a real income instead of begging for every red cent and having to justify it after working so hard.
What I would like input on is the meanings you think about what it meant the kitchen wall was missing and the little details that don't make sense to me. I'm sure there is a reason its the kitchen instead of the bedroom so its less personal in one way and more family in another. But I think i'm too close to it right now and my emotions have been on overdrive the past week. Help?
Something about being in a large house where there was water pouring through at different spots. I was there with other people and children. I wasn’t the homeowner though, someone else was. My job seemed to be to take care of everyone in it. They didn’t listen to me. They didn’t bring me what I needed to do the job right. What I needed to stop the leaks from ruining these expensive looking pictures hanging on the wall and the carpets etc. ( they looked like impressionist and cubist paintings, in heavy gold frames) The water was literally pouring in from cracks in the foundation near the ceiling. They weren’t normal cracks though, they ran from side to side not up and down and they had a tendency to appear and disappear just as you got to them and show up somewhere else.
I sometimes thought it was storming outside but other times it looked clear but the water was left over from something and coming down from above us. There was an out building, and it was pretty derelict with old furniture and tatty things in it. Looked like a playground for the mice or something. Dust everywhere. One wall open in the kitchen to the outside.
The other people seemed accustomed to money and rather well off. I felt like Cinderella and the evil step family. No one seemed particularly mean or anything, just bratty, not well behaved, inconsiderate etc.
I don’t remember a lot of the dream otherwise but I know I was kneeling bent over in a semi-Muslim prayer position (not praying though) kind of feeling exhausted and defeated. With my arm resting against my forehead as my head was down.
I didn’t want to go back to the house again or be found by the inhabitants. I felt completely drained and unappreciated. I was tired of fighting for my “space” there and always feeling like a slave. There was someone I thought of as “aunt” coming to visit with her kids in a gold colored little four door sedan. I could see across the lot to the parking in front of the big house and there I saw her pull in and park across from the house in a strange place.
I was thinking something like “god they are here. I don’t want to be around them anymore. I can’t take it anymore” when a neighbor lady (who I vaguely remember giving me either a chili recipe before or bringing me chili in a pot before) pops her head in thru the hole in the kitchen. I just can’t muster the energy to deal with her or fake smiles etc. She tries to engage me in talk but my obvious apathy throws her off and I remember hearing her think “you aren’t who I thought you were”
I got kind of upset hearing that because I felt I should make the effort to befriend her but I just didn’t have it in me. I thought I might regret this moment later. She left again and I heard the kids playing and getting closer. They were all looking for where I had hidden. I heard them enter the little house and I felt mad at the invasion of privacy but defeated in that they found me again. I knew soon they’d be pulling and pulling at me.
Then I woke up.
