How to deal with that or i am just crazy

[asya]

Hello people from this amazing site,where everyone can find their own answers to their questions.

I wanted to ask you something,i know that it sounds strange at first place.
When i was around 17-18 years old,i had a car accident,but it wasn't something bad,i meant that i could stand and went home after that. But what happened after that was really interesting,because i wasn't the same person. I became more spiritual person,and this feeling and my interest in spiritual themes became with the movie ''The crow''with Brandon Lee. I watched the movie before,but i didn't know what i am watching.And after the accident i understood everything,every single sign i saw. I even had a friend who once told me,that my third eyes is developped,and he didn't tell me much more after that.
And after that i became so interested in after life,third eye,chakras etc. even now i am like that,no matter that so many years passed from this day. I even went to see a person,who could see past lives,because my living in the country where i live became so difficult. And this thing helped but for couple of weeks. I became so interested in death,if people,who will die know about that and how they are preparing themselves?I even start to think,that nobody need to study in the university things like literature and mathematics. People would need to know how to develop their third eye,how to meditate in the right away...I started to think,that the life that is much more important is the life out there and i can't stop thinking like that. I think,that this life is a waste of time,well,the thing,that scares me the most is that i am so interested in death and i thought that this was part of the opening the third eye. But i don't know why i am so interested in death,death people. Sometimes i feel bad for people,who died,but only for particular people,which is again odd. I feel that ,well,not every day,but these people wants to talk and i want to protect them.I want to show them,that they are in peoples minds and hearts and they will never be forgotten. I have days when i am preparing for my days,when i will be old enough. I am searching for a calm place and calm house in the woods,and i am only 30. And i am feeling like i am atb least 90 years old. Can someone help me with that or may be someone other was feeling like that.What you friends think?

[donq]

Hi Asya,

Welcome to the forum.
(This post will also be my answer to another two posts of yours.)

I used to die once when I was in ICU for a few months on my (two big) operations. The doctors told my parents that I might not make it. 35 years later, I still have a more than foot long scar on my stomach. So, I really know how to die. More than that, I really know feel how I will feel (very unbearable painful) again when I'm dying. Unfortunately, I don't get any OBE (out-of-body experience) nor glimpse into any afterlife or life after death (even I already read tons of the books on this).

So, it becomes natural that I study hard about death and like to talk about it. Until one of my (spiritual) friends warned me that no one wanted to hear it because somehow it made them uncomfortable.
More than that, most people, whether they are into spirituality or not, believe in afterlife in one way of another. Everyone just wants a second chance. My opinion doesn't matter and never will. So, why bother?

If you are interested, I will mention a few of books about death: the (Egyptian) Book of the Dead, (around 1550 BCE to around 50 BCE), the Bardo Thodol or the Tibetan Book of the Dead (around the 8th century) and a bit modern is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy and Their Own Families. etc.

In Buddhism, there's a kind of mindfulness called, "the contemplation of death". It's about being aware that everyone dies, and we might die in the very next moment. So, what are doing here and now? Let me quote from someone here:

The Buddha checks to see how some monks are doing recollection of death, and he finds that they are doing it in a way that he does not consider to be sufficiently diligent. These monks say things like they might pass away in a couple of days, and before that they should really practice. The Buddha tells them that is not the way to do it. Instead they should bring the awareness of their own mortality right into the present moment.

[In cognitive psychology it shows how we avoid facing our own mortality by pushing it off into the future: “Yes, I’m going to die, but sometime later on. And at that time I’ll think about it and face it, but right now I don’t need to.”]

The Buddha recommends two modes: being aware that this breath might be your last breath, and being aware that each bite of food might be your last bite of food.

As I used to get a law degree, I kind of like its meaning in the legal term, as it also has a good meaning, "Contemplation of death is the apprehension of an individual that his or her life will be ended in the immediate future by a particular illness the person is suffering from or by an imminent known danger which the person faces.
"The phrase in contemplation of death applies to a gift of property made by its owner who expects to die shortly, the gift being motivated solely by the thought of his or her demise. Such transfers are considered akin to testamentary dispositions since they are ineffective unless the owner dies, but differ in that the owner must die within a reasonable time from the making of the gift."

So when we are doing our contemplation of death, we are preparing ourselves to face it. And do what we should do here and now. Not postpone what we should and have to do any longer. And another important thing is what the gift we are preparing to make/offer/left behind. That's the very point. In other words, while we study and contemplate about death or how to die, don't forget about how to live and how to offer our gift to others.

[asya]

Wow,thank you for your answer and i am sorry that you needed to bring back the memories,that you had. I hope that now you are all right. I thought that i needed someone to check my energy,but i will totally see your point here. You are absolutely right.

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