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Post by luvnlite on Apr 2, 2014 14:05:53 GMT
Hi Donq! I appreciate your posts and kind words. When you said: "Now, this was what I meant by “bad” on my previous posts. Blind love is not spiritual/universal love. They are different. Sometimes, blind love has something to do with love oneself (in the wrong way so it really means doesn’t “love” oneself.) It comes from the fear of losing, being too afraid to accept/believe in the truth." It really resonated with me. All to often, I overlooked (or turned a blind eye) the actions of the other person ... instead, I listened to their words, then refused to see that there was a vast difference from him telling me he loved me ... and him showing me. And, I have come to believe that it really did come from that fear of losing him, being alone. I desperately clung to the idea that he truly did love me even though his words may have hurt me, or his actions. It was as though I would be nothing without a husband or boyfriend. So, in relation to your original post (and I apologize if I veered off subject), I think seeking a friendship or relationship is just built into us as humans. It is an innate yearning that the social side of us naturally seeks. When we've met someone and try to force the friendship/relationship to happen is when we run into trouble. Any relationship needs to be nurtured and worked on from both parties and when only one person is holding up their end of the deal ... it goes bad. In this case, as tough as it may be, it's important to set your sights on moving forward and away from the toxicity of that relationship. I hope that all made sense lol. My mind is running faster than my fingers can type Anyway, have a wonderful day and I hope to see more posts from you. Take care, my friend. Namaste
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Post by luvnlite on Apr 2, 2014 14:16:05 GMT
It occurred to me that in my reply, I made myself out to be the victim. Hi luvnlite. I didn't get that sense. You were open about clinging to patterns of behaviour that weren't particularly healthy. That's very honest and more than many people would be willing to admit. Hi banagus Thanks so much! Your posts and replies really help me to keep going and feels like a lil message saying "keep on it, girl ... you're on the right track." I can't tell you how helpful that is to me. A note about this post... I have no idea if I'm doing it right lol. I was doing it a bit differently in the beginning but am trying this "new" way I've discovered on here. I'm hoping it posts and you're able to see it. Have a great day! Hope to "see" ya soon Take care Namaste
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sparklekaz
Someone asked me.. What is your religion? I said, "All the paths that lead to the light".
Posts: 3,658
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Post by sparklekaz on Apr 2, 2014 14:53:23 GMT
One thing I've noticed in regard to changing patterns of behaviour, regarding falling into relationships that are unbalanced and unequal. Is that while many people can understand what they are doing on a intellectual level. But still cannot stop doing it, because on an emotional level, there is still that need they are trying to fill. Just for the sake of example. Lets say someone overeats for comfort. They understand mentally why they over eat. Understand that it might be because they are lonely, unhappy, sad, depressed, have self esteem issues etc. So to stop overeating, its not just about understanding why they do it. It's about addressing all those inner emotional issues that cause them to over eat. Some will be easier to address than others.
So if we look at the reasons why people continually find themselves in unsuitable, mismatched or abusive, controlling relationships. I wonder too, if within these dynamics, if there is also an addictive element, just as in drinking, smoking and overeating. I can see that those things can make people feel good, even if it is just for a while. Or make things bearable. But I often wonder, what could possibly be addictive about being treated badly or being made to feel so unhappy. The emotional issues can be many and complex. Some might even be rooted as far back as childhood. Particularly those things that are connected to self love and self esteem. I know of people who have been stuck in relationships they should have left years ago, through fear. Not always fear of being alone. Their confidence worn away to nothing. So, how does one address them all? And is someone able to resolve all these things alone. Does there come a point when people need professional help or therapy?
Love and light Kaz
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Post by baangus on Apr 2, 2014 15:05:16 GMT
Hi luvnlite. I didn't get that sense. You were open about clinging to patterns of behaviour that weren't particularly healthy. That's very honest and more than many people would be willing to admit. Hi banagus Thanks so much! Your posts and replies really help me to keep going and feels like a lil message saying "keep on it, girl ... you're on the right track." I can't tell you how helpful that is to me. You are welcome luvnlite. I appreciated my upbringing, but the truth is society did a good job of conditioning me to respond to life in a fearful way and to always see myself as alone. When empty people are your teachers growing up, they teach you emptiness. I honestly believe that's the true source of the sin, demon and repent mindset in religion, along with all the nihilist beliefs and conspiracy worries you read on spiritual forums. People were brought up in unhappy circumstances, which is then reflected in their philosophical outlook and belief choices. It's a tough thing to get across to people, precisely because of that conditioning. People would rather defend their view of life as something ugly, harsh and empty, than examine the reality that they also have the choice to view the universe and life as benevolent, beautiful and full. It's weird and it's comical at the same time. It's like the joke about continuing to hit one's self over the head with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop. We have a choice. And we choose our beliefs. That's the only thing we absolutely know about religion and spirituality when it comes right down to it. I made the choice to choose a light-filled view of existence, and to live a life free from harmful self-judgment and self-criticism. I don't have to repent because I didn't do anything! One thing I have done is overcome my conditioning (ongoing process actually). It's that post-conditioning happy view of things I try to emphasize in my replies.
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Post by baangus on Apr 2, 2014 15:17:14 GMT
One thing I've noticed in regard to changing patterns of behaviour, regarding falling into relationships that are unbalanced and unequal. Is that while many people can understand what they are doing on a intellectual level. But still cannot stop doing it, because on an emotional level, there is still that need they are trying to fill. Hi Kaz, you're describing two long and lousy relationships I went through years ago. I just couldn't get enough of all that unhappiness and mental anguish! Even though I knew all along I didn't love the person and barely even liked them really. I would have to say it was my karma. As difficult as it would have been to say this even a few years ago, I appreciate what happened there because: 1. I am happy now. 2. Having gone through all that, I am conscious of exactly WHY I'm happy.
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cyberangel
~ As above so below, as within so without ~
Posts: 818
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Post by cyberangel on Apr 2, 2014 15:30:29 GMT
Love has so many forms and so many ways of expressing it. True love for me (and I only learnt this in recent years) is loving YOURSELF truly. If you love yourself, you will never settle for anything other than that of someone loving you, like you love yourself, and vise versa. I too have had my share of un-equal relationships but I am glad now as I look back, as each relationship taught me something about MYSELF. Sometimes we can fall in love with the ‘idea’ of love but deep down we don’t know what it is, and we expect others to ‘fill that void’ within us that we ourselves are unable to. This is an unfair expectation that will never fulfil you. You end up focusing all your energy onto someone who will never be able to satisfy that desire of self love. And worst still is that the more energy you put into someone else is less energy you create for yourself. Of course they are going to lap it up, why wouldn’t they, you give it away so freely. Then when it all goes wrong you end up blaming the other person rather than taking responsibility for yourself. There is nothing more frustrating and soul destroying than looking outwardly for something that can only be fulfilled inwardly. I say this only because I have been there, done that and bought several t-shirts truth is even when you do meet the one, who gives you everything they have, love, affection, desire, trust, loyality etc, you will still look for more simply because you lack the ‘self’ love you need. I tell you this, there is nothing more loving, than loving yourself truly for who and what you are. It is the most loving and liberating thing you can do for yourself. You become free, to be yourself. Of course you will have doubts and fears but if you remain true to yourself you will overcome them. It’s ok to say “I love myself”, for every time you do, you hug yourself from inside, and that is something no one else can do for you. The most beautiful thing anybody has ever said to me was said by my husband, he said “I wish for one moment you could see yourself through my heart and eyes, maybe just maybe you would see just how beautiful you truly are, inside and out” I will forever be grateful to him for that. When I tell people how beautiful they are, it is because I truly mean it. And when I say that “I love you” I truly mean it, in its purest platonic way, of course When you see someone that truly loves themselves they shine, so brightly and that glow is so attractive to people. You may or may not see it but I guarantee others will. So join me in saying...no not saying...Shouting...lets all shout: ((((( I LOVE MYSELF )))))) LOVE and Light xxx
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donq
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Posts: 1,276
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Post by donq on Apr 2, 2014 16:03:47 GMT
Hi luv,
“I think seeking a friendship or relationship is just built into us as humans. It is an innate yearning that the social side of us naturally seeks. When we've met someone and try to force the friendship/relationship to happen is when we run into trouble. Any relationship needs to be nurtured and worked on from both parties and when only one person is holding up their end of the deal ... it goes bad. In this case, as tough as it may be, it's important to set your sights on moving forward and away from the toxicity of that relationship. “
A thousand thanks! And more than agree. :-)
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donq
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Posts: 1,276
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Post by donq on Apr 2, 2014 16:05:20 GMT
Hi kaz,
Very good point! I used to ask myself those same questions many times, too. I have learnt that everyone is unique. There is no “one” medicine for everyone, even for the same disease/illness. So medicine for treating the same disease/illness has to vary to each individual person (for example, if this level is considered to be normal pressure in German but in other countries is considered to be so high blood pressure!) Right medicine can cure someone, but not everyone (that’s why alternative medicine is used worldwide/popular more than modern medicine. More than 60-70%, if I remember it right.) As for your notice, I think maybe the root of all answers are melted down into one…the courage! The courage to do what is right/good for oneself without any postpone. This means both physical and emotional problems. The courage to be cured by quitting any bad habits that harm oneself. It reminds me of a gambler who cannot quit gambling with fault hope that he might win in the next round.
P.S. Sorry for any typos. I'm feel sleepy now but you post made me come back here. hahaha.
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Post by luvnlite on Apr 2, 2014 16:21:18 GMT
Wow! What a great forum we have here. There is so much to be learned from one another and I can't thank you ALL enough for the inspiration you've brought forth. I think about these topics and replies as I go through my day, each giving me a smile as I feel I have found some wonderful, loving and kind teachers! I don't have time right now to post individual replies so for now, it's {{{{ HUGS }}}} all around. Blessed Be and Namaste <3
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