Help with a complicated situation

[iffatrose]

Hi,
This is my first time posting on here or seeking any help, so I'm really hoping I'll be able to get my thoughts across clearly and get some help..

I have two friends, a boy and a girl, who both live in a very dangerous country. They are of different religions, and for this reason, they have been forced by their parents to not meet with each other. However, they are convinced that they are in love, and they've both told me on many occasions that they'll die or end up in a mental hospital if they can't be together.. They are only 17 and 18. They've told me about plans they have to run away and elope, and they seem very confident in doing so. My problem is that I once had this very close relationship with the boy, too.. And I don't think I've gotten past it. It hurts so badly to think that he'll run away with her, ruin his life, and break everyone's heart. But I think this selfish side of me just wishes that it wasn't her that he plans on running away with. A part of me is saying not to lose faith in him, that he'll need to come back to me one day because this could go terribly wrong. But another part of me says that he's going to be happy with her, and he won't care about the family he'll hurt..he'll just go on. In that case, I don't want to be stuck in this position. I can't decide if I should try to completely cut my heart off from him, which I don't know how to do, or if I should wait and see if he'll need me. I keep reading these wonderful tweets from Spiritual Truths about how God opens new doors after you choose to close the door to
old negativites.. But I can't figure out if I should close this door and let them go, how I should do it.. How can I convince myself that there's something better if my heart feels so restless, and I can't move past him? Please help. I don't want them to get hurt, and I don't want to hurt anymore either. I want them to think in each other's best interest because I don't think life is like a movie.. I don't think they can just live happily ever after after some great escape. What if they're all wrong about this love thing? Or.. What if I'm just being selfish? I feel small, and I have no adult in my life to ask for help. I really need it. Also, there's more to this story than just this, but this is about the jist of it.. More about what their relationship really is like and all. If that would be a good thing to mention, I can send that out, too.

Thanks,
IJ

[sparklekaz]

Dear iffatrose,

I can see you care deeply for your friends, in spite of your own emotional attachment to the situation. You are struggling to set aside how you feel about this boy and trying to want what is best for them both. One of the hardest things in life I feel, is watching people we care for doing things that we worry is not right for them. But a true friend allows others to do what they feel they need to do and support them regardless of how we feel.

I think no one can decide what is best for us, because they are not us. This young couple may decide in the end not to run away. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from all you have ever known. The love and support of family and friends. If they do this, you must realise that the strength of feeling they have for each other, makes doing anything else impossible. They are both very young, and they may well regret doing this later on in life. But for now, this is how they feel. Love is one of the most overwhelming feelings we can feel as human beings. It can give us the courage to take risks we would not have done, under any other circumstances. It pushes people beyond their normal behaviour. All you can do is watch I'm afraid, and trust that whatever happens will ultimately be for their highest good. They will learn powerful lessons from the experience, whichever way it turns out, good or bad.

As for your own feelings for this young man. My heart does go out to you, as I can tell seeing him with someone else hurts you very much. But, just as we cannot make decisions for other people, we cannot help who we love. I am sure he cares for you as a friend, but he cannot help who he gives his heart too. You have to accept that he has made his choice. In life we love many people, some stay in our lives, many others will go. But all of them teach us something very important about ourselves, and leave that as a legacy in our hearts. I am guessing you are of a similar age to your two friends. Please believe me when I say, you will find love again. You will meet someone who will love you back as much as you will love them. When you experience a love that is reciprocated like this, you will realise what you felt before was but a shadow of what true passionate love is between two people who feel exactly the same. Do not settle for second best.

In the meantime, it is not good for you to worry and think so much about what is happening with your friends. You have no control over the situation whatsoever. Try to take a step back from this if you can. Spend time with other friends who will uplift you and take your mind of this. You are only young, and should be focused on your studies and having some fun. Trust me the responsibilities of being an adult will come along soon enough. Make the most of this the most best of times in your life. By stepping back, you will also gain more clarity about the situation and your own feelings. You are a lovely person, very caring and kind. Be kind to yourself now and allow your friends to make their own decisions whilst still being supportive. Take care of yourself.

Love and light
Kaz

[sparklekaz]

Hi ifftarose,

I got your message, but am unable to respond to you directly, as it only works one way. You can message me and I can read it, but not reply. Sadly, we have had to do this because of problems we have had with guests spamming members with messages.

I wanted to thank you for your kind words, and I am happy I was able to help you. Please feel free to put something on the board anytime, I am more then happy to help you if I can. We all need someone to talk to, and I am glad you felt able to do that here.

Love and light
Kaz