I have a barrier to spreading love and light..

[jessiethecorgi]

I have gone through huge spiritual growth. i have read isaiah 45 most notably Isaiah 45:7. It tells that God makes the light and God makes the darkness. there is no devil. it is all lessons from God. Israel means contender.

I have had so much contention. i have been abused to the point that it changed my brain chemistry and i have to take medication for the rest of my life. People i have done nothing too hit me with a truck. then staff at a rehab knocked me out telepathically and wrenched the hip of the other leg out of socket. i am lame in both legs now.

The abuse has been expert and devious. the Klan used drugs and hypnotism to confuse me that women as old as 21 are under age. this was to put me with a twenty year old and then extorting me in my delusion to accept non voluntary sodomy. it just goes on.

I know God did all this too me to teach me a lesson. the refiner purifies the gold and silver in the hottest fires. the dross is removed and something precious is made.

I became accepting of everybody no matter what today and received great serenity. i no longer see angry and predatory people as having an advantage. i see them as lost souls because they don't have the light. Is it my responsibility to bring it to them. they are so ignorant all i can do is pray for most of them. they are offended by the Holy spirit in me and want to live in their sin.

I no it is ignorant which is duality to not save these people. i am so overwhelmed with resentment and also fear my inability to defend myself because i am so handicapped that i am completely uncentered when i try to send them love and light.

I am jealous of God's love. i just have to be the golden puppy. i can see how ignorant i am. i am in enough light to realize how the expression "if you could only see yourself" applies to me.

I just can't get past this barrier. Floraloaks solution to dealing with anger in the post about letting go of anger is too long and complicated. i need a simple thing to do to heal myself.

[Ishtahota]

The first rule that I learned about my life was things are never as they seem. People are not doing things to me and thinking about me the way that I think they are. The Christians teacher Jesus said:"you can not remove the splinter from my eye, until you remove the beam from your own eye". Simply put this means that you can not heal or help someone else until you have first healed yourself. It is OK to be selfish and spend time working on yourself first. Personally I insist that people do NOT pray for me until they have done a certain amout of personal clearing work first.
Sick people trying to fix what is wrong with this world before they first heal themselves. Wow! Take a look around, how is that working out for us? How has that worked out for you? There is a mystic saying,"As inside so also outside". This means that we have no choice but to create in our outside world the true reflection of our inner self.

[jessiethecorgi]

i will not pray for you Ishtahota. Your advice is wonderful. You appear to be an ascended master. my outside world is not bad. i have many very wise and supportive people. People react very pleasantly to me. i do have good energy. i just need to conquer this. at the present i am drinking holy thistle and kava kava tea mixed with coffee and milk. my spirit guides are ministering to me. a great medicine man, walt klammath, who's lodge i have been too is with me when i smudge as he is in the next life now. he even invited me to an Iwipii cermony that was successful when he was still on turtle island. the drink the spirit led me to make is very nurturing. kava kava is a sedative painkiller but not at all addictive. it helps to center me.

[brummyben]

Growing spiritually is a truly amazing feeling. From day one when you become spiritually aware to other points in our journey when more doors are open to us. And yes, a certain amount of healing for a certain amount of people may come immediately. For others people with other issues it may take longer. I have met a lot of people especially online who feel the way to healing themselves is to help with the healing of others. I do wonder however, as Ishtahota says above, how capable we are of healing or shining the light on others when we are still in suffering ourselves. The motivation may well be there but there is a risk that you could inadvertantly share the darkness in you as well as the light.
Saying all the above, I am in no place to give you advice but I can tell you something that has helped me. Although you may be left with physical reminders of what has happened in the past, scarring, disability & illness, what actually happened is in the past. And the past is not much different to the dreams that you had last night in respect that it is not real. It is your mind's interpretation of what happened and your mind has a great imagination and is capable of making the past better or worse than it actually was. Either way, living in the past is not good. If you had a good time, it will make you long for more of the same. If you had a bad time, your mind will keep repeating what you went through until it feels you have suffered enough... and then more so. The mind sees the future in a much similar way, either a goal to achieve... or a fear to avoid.
I have learned the way to let go of the past (well, most of it, most of the time), is to live in the present. Right here, right now, accept what is happening. If you are upset, accept that you are upset. Wanting to be anything other than upset will just increase how upset you are. The same with pain or other feelings also. If you are able to accept today for what it is, the part of you causing you hurt finds it difficult to have a hold on you.

[sparklekaz]

Hi Jessie,

A really interesting and thought provoking post.

I understand where Ishtahota is coming from when he says 'you can not heal or help someone else until you have first healed yourself', and obviously if you are ill or suffering emotionally and mentally, it will make it difficult to help others. But in saying that, is it a bad thing to put your own suffering aside for even a short time to think of helping someone else? Often when we are feeling unwell or unhappy, it is only too easy to become completely self absorbed.

From my own perspective as a healer, I believe when we open up and act as a channel a conduit for healing, we too also receive healing. Every time we heal someone else, we heal ourselves a little more. If you also look at it from the point of view of being a conductor of healing energy, it is not our own energy we are using to help heal another, but the universal healing energy which comes from God. I believe also just because we are healers, it doesn't mean we are saying we are perfectly whole and healthy, or that we know all the answers.

I agree with what Ben has said about how we view the past. Often as time goes by, the memory can become distorted. Bad times become even more pronounced and the good times even better. Human beings rarely recall any given situation accurately. I know of many people who have been in difficult relationships, but time has given it a rosy hue and they only remember the good times and forget the bad. This can be detrimental and could be why some people find themselves back in similar situations, that did not end well. Then they wonder why they seem to be experiencing the same old problems, which they thought had been left behind, a lesson already learned.

I believe, as Ben has said, the only time we seem to have a realistic grip on reality is in the present. I would say to you Jessie, keep on wanting to share the love and light. Because I believe, that which we aspire to, what we want for others is what we want for ourselves. If you keep focusing your efforts in that direction, then love and light is what you will attract to you.

Love and light
Kaz