Beyond the self.. and further??

[brummyben]

Last year I was awakened to the fact that there was more to me than just what I was thinking. I cannot begin to explain what a relief that was, and the place that I found myself in....... well, let me just say I have been trying to get back to it ever since.
As time has gone on however, whilst I still get glimpses or moments like my awakening they seem to be getting fewer and farer apart. Much of the life I lead has changed, and a lot of things are good.
I do sometimes feel as though I am mentally under attack a lot of the time however, mostly from aspects of my past, particuarly two or three things. No matter how hard I try to accept stuff happens these thoughts keep cropping up. Time, in this case is obviously not a healer, and if this is true I really could do with some spiritual guidance from people with experience to point me in the right direction, any faith considered!!

[elisa]

Hi Ben, I have had similar experiences, I sit in meditation and remember the time when I first felt so awake and aware, that draws the energy back, and more often than not, I have a good experience while in meditation. I often makes the hairs on the back of my head stand on end.

Namaste Elisa

[sparklekaz]

Dear Ben,

I can really relate to what you are saying, for I have been there. I believe that that wonderful moment of clarity and insight came to you for a purpose. Whatever you were doing at that point in your life, how you thought about yourself, was not making you happy. Those sudden moments of illumination I believe come from outside of ourselves. A bit of divine intervention you could say.

I believe the reason why you have not been able to recapture that moment, only in very small degrees is because, as you have said, you are not in the place anymore and life is good. The universe gave you a much needed nudge and it did what it set out to do and gave you the impetus to move forward and improve your life.

I do know what you mean when you say that you often feel under a lot of mental pressure or attack as you have phrased it. But I do not feel the attack is from any outward influences, only your own thoughts and conscience. I believe as we grow and become aware especially 'self aware', we often go through periods of self analysis.

These thoughts can be a mix of regret, self recrimination and guilt. I don't know if this is relevant in your situation, but I do know this kind of inward thinking seems to be a common symptom of the process of awakening.

I know you have said, that the two or three things keep coming back to you, are things you have dealt with. But, the fact that they keep recurring is showing you that you clearly haven't. On some level, there is still work to be done. The only advice I can give you with this, is to change things! The way you approach the problem, the way you look at it, has to change! It is all about creating a shift in your perception.

I know from experience, that it is only through creating this shift within myself have I been able to see things clearly. If you are struggling to come to terms with things that have been done to you, the exercise of forgiveness and trying to walking in the other persons shoes will help. Holding on to bitterness and resentment, does not hurt those who have hurt you. It just hurts you!

Try writing down how you feel, say all you want to say, put down every angry thought and hurt you have ever felt. If you have been the one to hurt another, then write about your feelings of remorse and try to remember, that you are not the person you once were. Though the person you are today, is as a result of those experiences. So in that way, these experiences were your teachers.

Give thanks for the lessons you have been given but they are now no longer needed. They are not relevant to the person you have become. Then to make it more of a ritual a cleansing, burn the paper that the words are written on. In a very powerful way you are letting go.

Thank you for you sharing your thoughts and experience with us.

Love and light
Kaz

[Ishtahota]

The Spirits have given me experiences all threw my life also. A taste of the potential that I can become. Over the years I have been shown many different kinds of connections. And many different states of consciousness. My elders tell me as do the spirits that they give us a taste, but then it is up to us to do the personal work if we want to become our full potential. Clearing up the past and changing how we think is a big part of it all for me. All things in life are a learning experience, and when I can learn to see things way the Spirit wants me to, the chains of my past fall away.

[Floraloak]

I agree with much that has been said here... the clue for which direction you should travel is in the repeating of the emotions or incidents... when we have issues cropping up over and over again, even after we thought we dealt with them... our higher self is prodding us to look even closer than we did last time...it means there is still something to learn from it... it's like reading a book or watching a movie again... the second and third time you notice things you didn't notice the first time you read the book or watched the movie...

Writing to the issue that arises is a good exercise to do... however, I'd add to it a bit more... after writing out whatever thoughts and emotions come out on paper... read what you wrote out loud so that your ears hear you... silently reading to yourself doesn't work... has to be out loud... read it over and over again allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions come up while reading out loud... keep rereading it out loud until you can read it out loud without any emotions... until you can read it like reading a newspaper... after you've done this... you can then do whatever ritual you feel comfortable with... burn it, bury it, whatever feels right to you...

God bless,
Silvia

[clara927]

Hello Silvia,

Does that exercise work in other situations? For example, a negative frame of mind that is new to you?

[truthsatnaam]

Dear BrummyBen

When I first embarked on the path of Truth- I experienced the same. Bad memories kept coming up to the extent that I could not sit anymore.

I recieved guidance from a True self-aware Teacher that until I surrendered 100% to the Truth- to God- that Maya(illusion-the negative thoughts) would continue to hold power over me.

The thing is that while we live in duality, we will always be at the mercy of worly pleasure(false) and pain. It is only when we understand all to be Truth (i.e Nothingness i.e what God discovered himself to be after many ages and has created this Game for us to play for the sole reason of discovering it also- out of Pure Love), that we are set free and live in and beyond the balance.

When a thought crops up now, I look at it, say 'God(who lives the Truth 24/7) I can see you'..

This is how a mortal becomes psychologically sound, and when the Truth is practiced 24/7- the mortal becomes immortal..


God bless you..