Going On

[gruntal]

Every so often I reminisce. Go on the Internet to flush out vestiges of my past. In my case it is not so much pleasant because I have changed my mind; indeed changed my very MINDSET; about rather a lot of things. I wonder how I could have been so complacent and naive in my youth. I still fear meeting one I knew long ago that just assumes I still think that way. Just assumes. What do I tell them?

The first time I went to the First Brethren Church where I lived I was just a kid. The other kids were loud, boisterous, not always very nice. The longer I stayed until my later college years the more the less motivated left or were weeded out. I was challenged as a young adult to make a commitment to God and get baptized. I wanted to do the right thing but I felt hesitant.

I needed time to think out the God and religion thing.

Needless to say I don't feel like I abandoned anything. I went beyond it. Instead of avoiding eye contact and glancing down and muttering " I am not a Christian anymore" I want to share with those in my past the wonderful things I have learned about the Cosmos and spirituality. I hope those people would be proud of me instead of admonishing me how Jesus still loves me even if I strayed from the path.

The Facebook page of Grace Brethren Church Long Beach shows happy smiling faces. I recognize the building I saw built in 1964 and then attended. Who am I to break all that happiness with my cynical attitude? But looking back I paid a terrible price to be there in being so complacent.

It wasn't the first time I had to leave when I felt the answers I sought were wearing out my welcome. It will not be the last. Institutions come and go; buildings crumble; our personalities may change as we get older. 1 Corinthians 9. At one level we are all in this together so that no one will be left behind. But at another level we as individuals should not be ashamed if we seem to be running from or ahead of the pack.

We all have a personal race to win.

[donq]

Hi George,

Your post was so pleasant for me to read.
I really feel the same. Every after my birthday, I always realize how naive I was last year. Why couldn't I think it clearly then, likes I can think about it now? It is because I've been into spiritual for a very long time, or I just getting older and older?
That said, walking the spiritual path is not easy. Doing good thing is always harder, but after I have been into spirituality for a very long time, doing bad thing becomes harder and harder (genuinely impossible even I tried). That's why I get more and more alienation as most people go this way while I go that way.

I wrote this long time ago (in my native language):

The legend of the sea in the mountain has dried out
On the spiritual quest was so painful
A seagal silently cries in the alienated sky
The heart of a freedman rests wearily...
on the eternal land

If the spiritual path is that so inconvenient, why bother? Because...
As for 1 Corinthians 9 you mentioned, I kind of like this one, "Who serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat its grapes? Who tends a flock and does not drink the milk?"
It reminds me of Peter O'Toole (Man of La Mancha (1972) - The Impossible Dream Scene):

[gruntal]

At the end Paul seems to contradict himself. To run to win means the losers eat dust. Is this all just a contest? Ahh one more enigma in the wonderful world of spirituality.