Why choose to be miserable?

[air]

Why choose to be miserable? Who likes to be miserable? Nobody. Then why do many people choose misery in their lives?

If we analyze the cause of misery, it is essentially a result of unfulfilled expectations. Therefore, the moment you have expectations, you can be sure there will be misery because all expectations cannot be fulfilled. Therefore, when we create desires and expectations, along with those desires and expectations, we have already planted a seed of misery, which will sprout one day. Is that what we are seeking? If we do not want misery, then what should we do? Ancient scriptures advise that if we do not want misery, then we should not plant the seed of misery, which is bound to sprout one day and give troubles and sorrows that everyone dreads. Instead,if one lives with detachment and renunciation, can there be misery?

So what happens when one is detached or ‘desireless’? One has no expectations. When there is no expectation, there is no unfulfilled expectation because there is no expectation. Therefore, if one accepts everything that comes as a gift from God, as a shower of rain that comes from above, one will never be unhappy; one will never be miserable.

So, do you want to be miserable? If you don’t want to be miserable, you need to to find out: are you chasing desires? Are you passionate about your expectations? Are you seeking with greed things that are beyond your reach? If you are, then misery is not far away. But if you don’t want to be miserable then do you know what you must do? Stop planting the seeds of misery today.

AiR

[sparklekaz]

Hi Air,

A very interesting post. I do not think there is anyone who would disagree with the sentiments you have expressed regarding ''being miserable'. Yes indeed, who would choose to be unhappy! But, if I understand you correctly, you are saying that being miserable is a choice, albeit an unconscious one. That we are miserable, because life is not living up to our expectations. So how do we deal with expectation. Is it healthy to suppress them? I don't think you'd agree with that. So would it be about re-training the way people think? Easier said than done to reverse a lifetimes pattern of behaviour. And in this day and age, can we survive without some kind of self motivating force?

I do see how having a strong attachment to a desired outcome, would affect mood, and self esteem. But, I do believe a certain amount of desire to achieve, be productive is necessary. For without to me a life without purpose even of the most altruistic kind, would feel aimless. I need structure and direction. Without this framework to build my life around I would worry that the gift of life I have been given, will be wasted. Obviously, we are all different, and what is fulfilling to one person, may not be to another. I don't think what we do is what matters, it's more about - how what we do makes us feel.

For me personally, its about striving for balance. Of keeping a sense of proportion and viewing life in a realistic way. Of not setting myself too high a goal and condemning myself for failing. A lot of how we feel about ourselves and life in general is formed as children. So learned behaviour and personal beliefs can be influenced quite a bit by parents and role models. So help us to create good solid foundations. Others do not. But even those negative beginnings can show us what kind of life we do not want for ourselves. But whether that is taken as a positive or negative, I feel very much depends on the individuals character.

I am at a point in my life now, where its not what other people think of me that will effect me most, its what I think of me, if that makes sense. Though clearly, I'm human enough to want to be well thought of. I've let go of a lot of preconceptions and a tendency to self-judge harshly. I understand my humanness, my weaknesses and flaws, and instead of judging myself for them, I try to be loving and self compassionate. I try to control life less, and let it just unfold. Because if there is one thing I have learned is that nothing in life can be controlled or accurately predicted. Too many other factors are in play. Life is constantly changing. And if I am not flexible enough to change with it and adapt, I know I will break.

An interesting post Air, it has really made me think. Thank you for sharing.

Love and light
Kaz

[gruntal]

At some level I set myself up to be miserable the minute I sought knowledge or animal love. Knowledge was ever inadequate and beings were intrinsically too unstable to love. All I could do was reach some stage and call that a victory but it never lasted. Indeed the very act of trying to possess these things was a contradiction in terms - like buying a fine car and putting it in your garage and never driving it.

And then complaining you never get to go anywhere.

At another level the state of appreciation or awareness became an end unto itself. And let's face it: if I was totally comfortable why would I risk doing progress that might potentially spoil everything? And if I would never get to judge then what would the reason for anything? If I refused to pass judgement then would I become totally complacent?

Doing a job - I guess any type of job - can or will become a thankless task leading to self doubt if not downright misery. Why me? Unless I thought the others were more miserable then me and deserved better. If I expected more and let it degrade to less I might feel very miserable letting that happen.

There are worst things then being miserable. Despair is one of them.

[air]

Jun 13, 2016 13:34:53 GMT sparklekaz said:

A very interesting post. I do not think there is anyone who would disagree with the sentiments you have expressed regarding ''being miserable'. Yes indeed, who would choose to be unhappy! But, if I understand you correctly, you are saying that being miserable is a choice, albeit an unconscious one. That we are miserable, because life is not living up to our expectations. So how do we deal with expectation. Is it healthy to suppress them? I don't think you'd agree with that. So would it be about re-training the way people think? Easier said than done to reverse a lifetimes pattern of behaviour. And in this day and age, can we survive without some kind of self motivating force?

Dear sparklekaz:
Thank you for taking so much time to share your thoughts. I completely agree with what you say, but in this post, I am sharing my experience and learning that eventually if we have a lot of motives that keep us going, at one point, it is good! This is because having motives creates motivation that pushes us to achieve our goals. But is life all about achieving goals, or is it about being happy? While we are chasing those motives and goals, we become disappointed and unhappy if we do not achieve them – is this the right way to live? Those who live blissful lives just accept things the way they are. It does not mean that we have to live without inspiration or motivation. Continue living with energy, but if you don’t have that passion and obsession, it pushes you to a level of frustration due to unfulfilled desires.

AiR

[gwutzi]

Misery is a state in which one feels like longning for something better then one seeks, but hasnt gone through the pathway of completing ones inner prayer on it, one cant just step into the other happy state unless one has fulfilled either by personal advice or being feed of an ultimate truth, giving one the change to break the chains of misery. The pathway of misery is similar to any pathway, it keeps one connected with a purpose to life itself that is why it is so dear to so many, for it gets them purpose alike from broken heart or love that is.
This can change in no time by the virtue of the dao, so personally I see no difference between misery and happiness, for all are just a switch away from each other and if one so finds the liberation of its bondage, one would see that both can be similar cherished one as the other.

But this all depending at what stage of ones cultivation one is in

Bitter food is still good food, some tho do not enjoy it while others come to enjoy it nevertheless. Same can be said of sour food or else wise.

By the virtue of the dao, one will ride a bike upwards the hill till one seeks out the route downwards, in the liberty of all spirituality one can switch in no time, but some rather ride the mountain hill upwards, for reason most personally known, the experience of pain 4 example or if one is dissatisfied with life itself. A matter of prayer comes into play though ones pilgrimage (Hajj).
So to me all are or both are good and similar enjoyed as they are just motions of the same boat in the water

So long as one does it in faith to come out of the season altogether as there is a season for all things under the sun, then its alright, for without faith all maters are sin (ie missing the mark of a certain completion of ones walk). This faith is what makes it a good hajj (pilgrimage), elsewise one is lose and needs someone to preach the good news to another that one may begin or start anew or that there is a brighter day ahead of oneselfs own statement of misery one clings thereunto. So to my recommendation, one walk the path of it to the fullest and towards the fullness of its end, seen that letting a broken arm heal within the cast and apart from having the cast taken away is a vital thing even in the spiritual or other side realm one is depicted of it.
That is why one rather or better is to learn how to cope with it and enjoy it, cuz loneliness or misery as such will pass, and one will look back and miss it if it was of a true pilgrimage.

If one suffers misery by ones own wrong doing, God is merciful and just, gracious in his way whether one believes in God or not, or the essence of life is with goodwill towards one and another to be freed of it, whether now or later, is ones own choice, the universe tends to find its way to the person in need of help if it is rightly desired and time off, that is why christ said, know the truth for the truth shall make you free, the good news then is ie the gospel that one can be free of it if one so wills to pursue it written by the dao (way)