I truly am lost these days

[solostthesedays]

I recently lost my common law boyfriend. I found him dead and when I called the ambulance it was too late. I have been lost since then. I have always struggled in believing in a loving forgiving God...I lost my faith when I was 8 and I dont know what i belive in. i want to belive we will end up together agian all i know is how much i miss him and love him and want to see him again. we had a small stupid fight that day.....i hope he knows how much i loved him how sad i am i did not appreciate him. my friends think i am being to hard on myself but i dont know. i wake up angry because he is not beside me i cant put my arms around him and he cant put his arms around me....it just hurts so much...not only was he my boyfriend, fiancee, but he was my best friend...i am just so lost...and sad and angry and numb...it doesnt help that me and his family are not on good terms...life is just so hard these days...i am sorry to go on and on but i am hoping to meet some loving souls here that will help me to heal and give me the courage to go on living with out him...i know this journey will take time but i am scared to trust the universe and to have faith....thank you all

[sparklekaz]

Dear solost,

I am so sorry to hear about your recent loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. It must have been a terrible shock for you. I do hope that you are surrounded, loved and supported by family and friends at this time. Please do not push people away, as is sometimes a common reaction. Because people want to be alone. This is not a time for that.

It is at times like this, that many people question everything. Even for those who have a strong spiritual belief, it is a normal reaction. I know for myself, when things have been hard, it is my belief that there is something more to life, a divine energy, that helps me to cope. I know in my heart, that things will get better. Though we never forget or stop missing those we have loved and lost, in time, it does become easier to bear. For I believe, that one day, we will all be together again. I believe in the afterlife. I believe, that death is not the end, but the beginning of another part of our spiritual journey. That we continue, albeit in another dimension, growing and learning.

I believe that those we have loved and moved to the spirit world, still are aware of us. Take care of us and watch over us, from a distance. When my mum passed, I would talk to her, as if she was still with me in the physical. I do miss her presence very much. That doesn't change, but I know she would want me to carry on living my life as I know your boyfriend would want for you. Love never died Solos, its the strongest vibration there is.

There are many here who have loved and lost as you Solos, we have had quite a few come to our chat room who have been recently bereaved. Who will know exactly how you are feeling. If you feel up to it, please come in and say hello. You are not alone. Please take care of yourself.

Love and light
Kaz

[holychops]

I am deeply sorry for your loss and hope as Kaz has mentioned that you have much support of friends and family at this very difficult time. It always helps I feel, to talk about those that have passed on, what kind of things they did, what kind of person they were, memories you shared together.. it helps to talk.. it helps the process of healing..

It is my belief that the reason it hurts so much when someone close passes on, is because they are still so very much with us... it is difficult for our minds to comprehend someone being there in the physical form to no longer being there... but the truth is I feel is that we are all spiritually connected to each other... similar to Kaz I feel we're all on a spiritual journey and this life is just one part of our many journeys together...

Be kind on yourself, grieving takes time...

Take care
HC

[sarahlacata]

Dearest sister in God, my heart aches for your loss. you sound to young to be going through so much and to alone. I know you probably are angry with yourself because you think of all the little arguments, but truly the fact that you stayed lovers and best friends is in part because you did argue and were learning to accept differences. 7 years ago my sister 22yr's lost her baby- Morgan 9 wks old to death; sudden infant death syndrome, she too was way to young to leave us. The first time I met my niece was at her funeral it was awful. We all thought we would have time to travel the 6 hr drive for the christening, it never happened. I pray that you can find the people in your life who are willing to understand your grief.....sometimes the people we expect to help turn away from our pain, maybe they cannot handle it. I myself, my sister who lost her baby and a couple other friends and family came together and made a memory album about Morgan, we talked about her short life and how it touched our souls all of us so greatly. Many people think when someone dies it is not acceptable to talk about them. Truthfully at first all we want is to hide cry and blame someone. I truly believe that God has a plan, we can never understand this plan especially when we loose are love of are life, but I do believe God's promises: since throughout my life he has proven that he keeps them. So I implore you to talk to God ,get your bible out and look up stories of widows and anywhere God leads you to read. Talk to those who will help you, maybe you will find them at home or visit your local church and search for the answers you seek. Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened. These are promises of god to his people if we choose to follow him. Forgive me I do not want you to think I think all of this is EZ, I know it isn't even close!! I can only pray that you will believe that what I write to you is truly from my heart. I hope you will find peace, even though your heart is hurting terribly, this does not mean that you can't seek some peace during your grieving. I truly know talking about Morgan making albums collages, poems :having the other children help us, ask questions cry with us and eventually a few smiles in Morgan's remembrance over months came through. Please do not give up on God, he wants to help you especially now. Like the Jews at the wailing wall God heard their cry's and gave those who chose to follow despite their fear and pain what they needed. During this time I pray God sends people to help you bear your burden. If I sound to depressing with my own experiences forgive me, I wanted only to let you know I have been in great pain and also questioned why?i have also felt lost, so I know he keeps his promise and will not forsake you. I pray now more than ever that you turn to god for help and pray for you to keep your eyes on Jesus that he may give you supernatural comfort and help you find your way through God almighty,amen. May the Lord bless you and keep you in your time of grief may his word be a light unto your path that you may come out of the darkness and back to the light, may his angels protect you in this time of pain and loss, may God help you to find your path and light your way to being found. May God hold you in his very hands for the scriptures say when your heart is broken you fall into the hands of God. Blessings light and godspeed to you all the days of your life,amen a sister in Christ--Sarah 9-16-2011

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