Surgery

[bumblebee]

I had a dream this morning and decided to write it down here to see if I can find some more insights. It might be a bit personal, so if it is ok, I remove it later on by editing the post. If this is not allowed, please let me know.
If anyone can help me with insights, please do, I would appreciate that.

In this dream I went to a hospital, for surgery. The surgery would either remove my uterus or block something in there so that I could not become pregnant anymore. I had decided this myself because I did not want to have babies, but with the idea in mind that the surgery could be made un-done later on. It would not be for ever.
At some point I was in the surgery room and had to lie down on the surgery table. The doctors, two of them talked a bit about it all and I asked them, just to be sure, if it was really possible to undo it all if I wanted to later on.
A female doctor, she was on my right side, said something like 'ehmmmm... possibly'. So it was not completely sure..
This made me have doubt about it all and I asked more, I wanted more explanations about what the surgery would do.
But the doctors did not seem to want to give it time and wanted to go on. The female doctor already had a knive in her hand and the other one was about to inject the drug for going to sleep.
The female doctor said 'lets cut a hole now' and her hand with the surgery knive went to my belly. There my (real live) cat came into the room and woke me up.

It was not really a scary dream, I realize it might sound like that. Just one about 'not being sure' and not having the time.

I had another dream this week and for some reason it feels connected to this one. Even though I do not see the connection. In that dream a rabbit had bitten me in my right leg, on the left side of my knee. The wound grew into an infection and had black edges.. almost as if it had been burned. The inside also had a burned look. These images where so clear, that when I woke up, I actually felt the need to feel if the hole was really there or not.

I will stop writing now, since it is quite long already.

[bumblebee]

I had another dream I wanted to share.
I had it today during the day because I went to sleep for some hours. It seemed a good idea to post it in this thread, so that I do not fill up the dream section too much.
I just wanted to share it, I do not expect anything from anyone.

---
I was inside an airport building, a man was there as well and suddenly he handed me the ticket of his fight. He could not go for some reason, and wanted someone else to go instead.
I took the ticket and asked the airport staff if it was possible for me to use it, and it was.
I flew to another country, it was England.

There I met one of my friends, I will call her 'M' in this dream. M is younger then me, but very smart and sweet, a good friend.
Suddenly the dream brought us to a place that I remembered. It was close to the sea, and I wanted her to see it.
We walked through a cliff and found a beautiful place inside, an like an oasis, which I knew already.
First we walked over stones, at some places they where wet or covered with water already. They where smooth in texture because the sea had washed over them so many times.
We where surrounded by clifss, we could not see the sea itself yet. A very strong sea smell came up, and I pointed to the left to let her know that the sea was there, behind the clifs, because she did not know it yet.
I told her that when we would arrive at the bend that we could see further beyond, we would see a hole in the cliffs, and see the sea.
I brought her to that place where we could see the hole.
The stones where all smooth here, and light in color, it was a very.. very beautiful place.
The tide was coming up already and vagely I felt a small pinch of warning, because this place was not completely safe if the tide came up high.
But we still had a long time and there was no reason to believe that the tide would go up so high that it would be a danger.
We walked further a bit and it was time to take off our shoes, because the smooth stones where washed with water at this place and we could only walk through it with bare legs.
My friend, changed into my niece at this point, strangely enough also a very smart girl, a bit younger then me, and a good friend. The same type of person almost. Only this one is usually more held back and sceptical.
But she did like the place a lot.
I pointed to the right, to show her the end of a very big waterslide. I knew another niece, a more playfull one, was already climbing on the cliffs to go to the beginning of the waterslide and I saw images of her doing that, and images of nieces and nephews going down the slide.
I also had memories of other times in which I had been climbing on those cliffs with an old friend, we had climbed on those a couple of times untill we where tired (this is actually another dream I once had) and it had been a lot of fun. I had pushed myself to the limit with this climbing, I had given the fun all my energy on that day.
We decided to also go down the waterslide one time, I was not completely sure of this.. because now it looked old.. I was not so sure if it was still.. comfortable to go down it. Maybe the surface was not smooth enough anymore. And it went through stone, you could not look inside so what if it was broken or unsafe..
But I pushed that away and went climbing with her. My other niece was now with us, going up again, and way faster then us.
We climbed untill we reached a point where the road we followed was very narrow and right above the water, very high up. It seemed kind of dangerous, if the stone would break.. we would fall.
This time I was letting them know I felt unsafe here.
But it was too late.
Suddenly the tide started coming up very strongly, and lots of wind and other things.
Big waves appeared, we had to find shelter and could not go off the cliffs.
I took them both to an old castle wall that was suddenly there, and made them sit behind it. I figured that if it was there for so long already, it might be strong enough to shelter us from the storm.
I was scared though, because the wind was extreme by now, all blowing through the hole where the sea also came in.. it created strange currents and at some places big stones fell in the water.
The water now came so high, that it took us in, we had to swim now. The water had come up more then 25 meters.
The currents where very dangerous and huge whirlpools started to pull us under water, stones where falling and us in the middle of all of this.
First I was in the middle of a whirlpool, pretty much in the most dangerous place but somehow I managed to grab the side of a cliff and one of my nieces, the other niece grabbed her too. The water brought us higher and higher and suddenly whe where on top of a huge cliff.
The water went down again and left us there.
On top there was some grass, and stones and slugs but nothing else.
I soon realized there was no food there, and no way to climb down.
One niece asked me if slugs could be eaten if we had to, and I replied that some could be eaten, but I did not know which ones.

Suddenly I was sitting on a stone thing, man-made. It was made of side-walk stones, a square with something inside.
I wondered what it was and wanted to open it.
But there the dream stopped.
----

I fell asleep again right after this:


I dreamed of the chatroom after that.
And suddenly saw a member without a name.
He was talking to other members and there was a sad feeling about it.
His name was not there but he had an avatar that showed something I did not understand.
When I went over it with my mouse, it seemed that it saw me, like a webcam or something.
I was not sure how to contact this person.
He said some things too other members until he was taken out.
Before that happened, he held up a sign that said 'Bumblebee'.
It was like a plea, he searched for me.
Suddenly a name appeared and it seemed a link.
I followed it and came on a website where there where e-cards you could send. It was a postcard website.. and I did not really understand it. I figured I had the wrong link.
I really wanted to find him and searched more.

[sparklekaz]

Hello Bumble,

I have read this dream through, and I do not think it is too personal, there are many dream images and scenario's here, that I am sure people can really relate to. So thank you for sharing it with us. Your feedback is also very much appreciated. As far as I know, members cannot delete posts only the board administrator.

In dreams a hospital is a healing centre for physical, mental and spiritual rejuvenation. To dream of having surgery, is connected to the desire to cut away unhealthy parts of the self that are no longer necessary, in order to heal yourself.

The area you wish to be removed is the uterus so it is a hysterectomy. Now symbolically, this is to remove the possibility of motherhood and the mothering role. Enabling you to move onto another stage of growth. This may indicate, that there is a fear of having children, either because of the responsibility that motherhood brings, or it is connected to the dreamer's perception of motherhood, what being a mother entails, what motherhood represents to you. If there is any negative feelings connected to this either for yourself, or about your own mothering, your mind is trying to work through this dilemma in the unconscious state.

For some reason, this state of being is something you wish to remove yourself from. Though in the dream, you also say, that the surgery is to either remove, or delay put off becoming a mother till a later date. You still want the opportunity to change your mind, if your feelings about it should change.

The Doctor in the dream, is the healer within. The Doctor tells you, that if you do take drastic steps to sever the ties to the mother, or to motherhood for yourself, it is something that cannot be reversed. So whatever it is that you are contemplating in real life, not necessarily as literal as this dream, but something that will change your relationship dynamic, could have long term permanent consequences, so think it through carefully.

Rabbits in dream symbology represent a tendency to hop from one thing to another without care or planning. It can also indicate lack of awareness in creation of your world.

Legs are the foundation in life, motivation and mobilization that enables you to meet various lessons. They are your support system or ability to stay grounded. The left leg represents receiving and the right leg represents sending energy out energy. A wound to the right leg, means that something has happened, that has caused damage to your ability to send out energy. This may be a betrayal of trust or loss of confidence.

You say, it became infected and looked as if it had been burned. Is there some situation in life in which you have felt as if you have been burned lately. Allow the healer within, to heal these aspects of self. It would also be a good idea to take advantage of any offers or opportunities to receive healing at this time.

I hope this has helped Bumble..

Love and light
Kaz

[bumblebee]

Hey Kaz,
Thank you very much for your reply.
I had a conversation not too long ago, with someone about having children. I said I did not want to have children, as I have been saying for a long time already. I do not plan to remove my uterus of course. But I think this conversation must be connected to the dream.
The person I was talking to was surprised and even more then that. This person did not understand it at all.
For me it feels like a very scary thing to do, having a child.. especially because I am not a balanced person. And I often see the world as a very difficult and painfull place. Deep inside I feel that if I want to have a child, I need to love the world around. Otherwise the child probably takes over this feeling about everything. If that happens, the child will have a very difficult and sad live as well.
I feel I cannot do that.
Also, even though I see many things of beauty around, I also feel a deep sense of how things are off balance in the world very very much. I have this ideal view of how the world 'could be'. Full of love, full of positivity, full of awareness. Like in the dream with the trees, these ideas in me give me a deep longing for creating that.
Its not possible, in this lifetime to do that, and if I would have a child I would be responsible for putting this child in a world where there is no balance and lots of pain and fear.
I would love to have a child, if I would be able to create very good surroundings and very loving and aware people. In a different system (schools, companies, politics etc)

Anyway, I write for too long.
Its just a feeling of not being able to have a child, without feeling guilty. Maybe if I decide to have a child one day, it should be one that is adopted.
I dont know why I feel so differently then many people, most do not understand it. Its just a deep feeling of how things are in this world, and how it could be. Its not there yet, so, I wait. Maybe until another life.

I know it sounds crazy.
I would change my mind though, if there are big changes or if I am able to find a place where things are more loving. And if I have been able to create peace in myself.

The leg part, with the wound is interesting. Thank you for your view on that, its very useful.
I told you yesterday about a dream my sister had right? She actually dreamed of a wound that was very much like mine, but for her it was on her hip. That was interesting as well.

Thank you for your reply, I am very happy to read it.
Bumblebee

[sparklekaz]

Dear Bumble,

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some feedback on your dream.

I can understand your feelings, I am very sure there are many women in the world who feel as you do. the idea of having a child and the feelings we have of wanting to protect our children, but feel inadequate in what is a hard world.

But as you have said, there is also a lot of love and beauty around us too. Also I think the love we feel inside for our children makes the world seem a much happier place, simply because they are in it. I can understand your concerns about not wanting to pass on your feelings of anxiety and sadness on to another, and want to make sure, before you did embark on motherhood, that you were feeling stronger and happier within yourself. This in itself is a very loving and unselfish act.

You are very young, and have lots of time to decide what you want to do in the future. Its amazing how different someone feels abut this, when they do find a life partner and fall deeply in love as having a child, is definitely about two people not one. So who knows my friend, you may indeed feel very differently in the future.

How interesting that your sister had a similar dream about the wound in her body. The rest of her dream may offer much insight too if she has shared it with you. I am so glad that you are so close to your sister and can talk about these things with her.

Love and light
Kaz