In The Arms Of An Angel

[sparklekaz]

There are times in our lives when we feel lost and alone. Sometimes if we are lucky, in the dark there is a light. Something that comes to give succur and hope. It was at such I time I wrote this. I would like to share it with you, in the hope that it might give others the comfort it gave me.


A small voice, rising from within, asking for guidance and vision to help this soul on its journey. Inner struggles, turmoil, culminating to the point when it realises the futility of struggle, lets itself grow quiet.

From above, a dancing shimmer of light gently descends. enveloping the supplicant, in a warm enveloping blanket of love and healing.

Invisible hands gently stroke the troubled brow, touching the hair in a soft caress as a mother soothing her distressed child. Within a warmth starts to loosen the tight band which has encompassed a heart filled with care and worry.

Slowly but surely like a petal opening to the sun, the body starts to let go of its rigor and relaxes, its flowery head opening up to catch the precious golden rays of the sun. Slowly, but surely, where once there had been the weight of the world upon those fragile shoulders, a lightness of spirit starts to emerge,

A feeling for so long unfamiliar starts to fill this precious soul, where once, there was fear, is now hope, where once there was sadness, is now joy, where once there was loneliness is now a sense of belonging.

A voice, that had no voice, now resonates in thee, a voice from above, gently speaks…Your father has given you a special gift, releasing you from your pain.. the time has come to live your life, never let it be in vain.

Love and light
Kaz

[donq]

Hi Kaz,

I don’t know if I could tell this in English but I’ll try.
Most of my life, I was asked why I didn’t do this and that as it would make me getting rich for sure. I had tried to explain until I stopped myself as no one listened any more. I used to work as a volunteer without any payment (literally means) for years. I always denied to do the work that would give me a lot of money just because it might poison my readers. My relatives and friends never understood what I had been doing and thought I was stupid (if not crazy). Almost 20 years ago, I used to work for the founder of the biggest bookstores/publishers here without any payment for almost 2 years. I worked as his editor in chief and partner. I brought 3 computers of mine and tons of my books to use in our office. I myself even created (drawing) the new logo of new publisher we were doing. All of these just because I believed that he was a good man who would keep his promise, a gentleman's agreement. But it turned out that he was not that kind of gentleman.
I lost everything that time (my car, personal library etc.), even getting divorce!
Was I really stupid? Maybe. But at least, that time I still had a dream. I hoped to create a real good publisher that would produce only good books for the readers. I had a chance being there, to make it come true. Unfortunately, my dream turned out to be a knightmare and nightmare.

Did I regret it? Yes and no. Yes, because I never believed that people could be cruel and dishonest like that. No, because, at least, though I failed, somehow I could tell myself that I already did all my best, to try to make something better, not to myself, but to the others.

And this was the only thing that caressed me and made me become stronger and stronger later. If I didn’t get this caress in my heart, my life would be so miserable. I never blame anyone or anything, neither blame myself. I had learnt precious lesson that it was just the way things were: there was something I should do, and something not; there was someone I could trust, and someone I should not.


P.S. As a friend, let me be blunt. You are a very special woman, Karen. You really have done so many things for the others. You might say that I’m exaggerating but I’m not. As you used to tell that you knew/met and was inspired by many persons who really work for the others, not for themselves. I was not that lucky. Once I knew and worked with that kind of persons but it was a very long time ago. For the past 20 years, it seemed I only was surrounded by another kind of persons. lol.
P.P.S. First, I misread the title of this thread as, In the Army of Angels. Hmm...have to watch less sci-fi movies

[sparklekaz]

Dear Monty,

It seems to me that you have always been a generous and kind person, whose motivation in life has been to help others, without seeking some kind of financial gain for yourself. It is the kind of person you are and a beautiful quality. I can only imagine the sense of hurt and betrayal you must have felt over the library. You put your heart and soul into it. I know it is easy for me to say this, because I was not the one to feel so badly let down. But you did a wonderful thing, and I'm assuming the library did come into being. People did benefit from it. Nothing you did was wasted.

I know you are not the kind of person to let the actions of this man influence how you view the world and other people. Sadly, there will always be those who will take advantage of the trusting and good nature of others. Because we do believe the best in people. And it is hard to imagine anyone could behave so deceitfully and cruelly, because it is not in our nature. I've come to understand that sometimes, people will tell us exactly what we want to hear, to get their own way or to take something from us. I think if we are honest, there are signs along the way, to tell us things are not right. Call it 'gut instinct' or a warning bell going off in the head. But we ignore it, not wanting to believe the person we have invested so much trust in, would do something like this to us. Because 'we' ourselves would never do such a thing. You have morals and integrity. There are other's who are the same as you, but also many who are not. These experiences are very painful. But I can tell it has not changed the good person that you are.

You will always help other's monty, do things for no financial gain, but purely to serve. You have a very spiritual and loving nature. Please never change. Ultimately, you did what you did to help other people. You had a dream. That dream was fulfilled, even if it didn't turn out as you'd hoped. That is what is important. You would have helped so many. You have helped so many. Your actions will have touched other's in ways you cannot imagine. You put goodness into the world. We cannot help who we are and maybe that makes us vulnerable to being exploited. I believe you have inside something more valuable then all the money in the world could buy, and that is integrity and goodness.

Love and light
Kaz

[donq]

Thanks Kaz.

The words from a trustworthy friend like you is worth than gold.
I will keep your words in my mind and heart. You has inspired me.
And yes, this forum and our friends here, too.

[baangus]

I certainly relate! The fear and confusion of my first three decades of life was replaced by a brilliant joy and hope that has never left me. And it started with a voice that spoke to me one afternoon as I sat alone, lost.

[donq]

Hi Alena,

Thanks for your sharing and soothing words.

I have problem with my internet (again) and have to use my spare computer now. So I cannot write so much for a while.

Anyway, I would like to ask you about what you said, "don't want him to fall in love with me because as I've seen in movies it only gives pain when one crosses the boundaries..."

Please understand that what I'm going to ask is not a trick question. I really curious as sometimes (long time ago) some of my (female) friends misunderstood that I was flirting with her, even I honestly wasn't. I meant if I wanted to flirt, I would told her bluntly that, "Hey!, I am going to flirt with you. Are you ok with that?" This way both of us will not waste any time. 

I really curious about this. I know that in your case, you did the right thing to prevent him from loving you. But in my case, why did my friend misunderstand that I wanted more than her friendship? Do you have any idea? 

Thanks in advance for your answer.

[donq]

Please understand that I raised that question because I was (and still are) stupid about this stuff and want to learn/know.  

For example, I did a very serious mistake. As a friend, I really did told her that and it turned out to be a disaster. At first, I had thought if I honestly told her, it would clear an awkward air between us. I had expected that she would say "No, no way! In your dream!" then, we could continue our friendship without this kind of awkward feeling. But somehow, what I said did upsetting her. It has something to go with her ego or it was because woman was so much sensitive than man? I honestly didn't know. But she was so angry and broke our friendship because of that. Stupid me!

Let me give an example from the script from the movie, "Unbreakable" (I made it to be shorten version here):

WOMAN, "You alone?"
David nods "yes."
The woman took the seat next to him.
David pulled a magazine out from the seat pocket in front of him. He held the woman's fashion magazine out and said, "Someone left these. You want one?"
The woman looked over the one being offered and then pointed to the Sports Illustrated peeking out of the seat pocket.
David pulled the magazine out and gave it to her and said, "You like sports?"
Woman, "It's my field. I represent athletes. I'm an agent."
DAVID, "What a coincidence? I'm a male synchronized swimmer and I'm looking for representation."
The WOMAN(smiled), "Is that right?"
DAVID, "But I'm afraid of water, so that's been holding my career back a little bit."
Woman laughed.
DAVID, "You represent someone in Philadelphia?
WOMAN, "I'm meeting a player from Temple University. He's a cornerback. You like football?"
DAVID, "Not really."
WOMAN, "This kid is six foot two, two hundred and forty pounds. He runs the fifty in under six seconds. He's going to be a God."
David studied the excitement in her eyes.
ANOTHER LOUD VIOLENT BURST OF SOUND. David had waited till the opposing train passed.
The woman goes back to her magazine.
DAVID, "I'm David Dunne."
The woman looked up and said, "Kelly." And she goes back to the magazine.
DAVID, "How long are you staying in Philly?"
KELLY looked up from her Sports Illustrated. Her striking blue eyes gazed at David. She held up her hand. Tapped the diamond ring on her finger and said softly, "I'm married."
DAVID, "Great."
KELLY, "Sorry."
DAVID, "What are you talking about?"
An awkward silence.
DAVID, "I think you got the wrong idea."
Kelly stared at David. She looked down, closed the magazine and said, "I'm going to find another seat."

..............


My point is that, if David was flirting with her, Kelly did the right thing to stop him. But what if David didn't mean that? What if it was only his friendly talking? Or no way it could be friendly talking like that? And any woman could sense it so quickly? Hmm...I really don't. Any idea to share?

P.S. Still using my spare computer. Sorry for any typo. 

[baangus]

Aug 5, 2014 6:57:09 GMT donq said:

Please understand that I raised that question because I was (and still are) stupid about this stuff and want to learn/know.  

For example, I did a very serious mistake. As a friend, I really did told her that and it turned out to be a disaster. At first, I had thought if I honestly told her, it would clear an awkward air between us. I had expected that she would say "No, no way! In your dream!" then, we could continue our friendship without this kind of awkward feeling. But somehow, what I said did upsetting her. It has something to go with her ego or it was because woman was so much sensitive than man? I honestly didn't know. But she was so angry and broke our friendship because of that. Stupid me!

donq, reflecting upon our so-called mistakes in life is normal and even useful. Dwelling on our mistakes and flogging ourselves (Stupid me!) is just compounding that same mistake, years later. Also, what is a serious mistake? Serious in what sense? You give yourself to people, you give a part of yourself to others. You are not out to hurt anyone. And some people are able to see and appreciate this authentic you, and others are not. Where is the mistake in that?

The state of grace Kaz speaks of in this thread assures us of one certainty regarding life and existence: There is no wrong with us. There is no sin in us. We are of Spirit. We are of God. Everything that was, is and will be, is a perfect expression of that Perfect Spirit.

[kenisha]

Hey Kaz,



Thanks for posting those beautiful words 


I emotionally live alone since I was kid. Most of the times I lived under the darkness, loneliness and fear. I never really had anyone to protect or love me till today. But that's the moment I found God and my true self. Pain and suffering lead me to the realm of wisdom. Now I am 27 yo and I am going back to the start. Live my life from zero. Live a better life. I've been struggling. 

Sometimes, I really wanted to give up my life. I just couldn't endure the pain anymore. Like today, I've been in a very dark and hard moment in my life. I am so lonely and afraid. I have noone and nothing. This spiritual awakening is so painful for me. It's just not easy to be me. I am so tired. But somehow I think God always puts a little hope in my heart. I do really want to survive. I do really want to win this battle.
Thank you

[baangus]

Aug 5, 2014 10:58:01 GMT kenisha said:

Hey Kaz,



Thanks for posting those beautiful words 


I emotionally live alone since I was kid. Most of the times I lived under the darkness, loneliness and fear. I never really had anyone to protect or love me till today. But that's the moment I found God and my true self. Pain and suffering lead me to the realm of wisdom. Now I am 27 yo and I am going back to the start. Live my life from zero. Live a better life. I've been struggling. 

Sometimes, I really wanted to give up my life. I just couldn't endure the pain anymore. Like today, I've been in a very dark and hard moment in my life. I am so lonely and afraid. I have noone and nothing. This spiritual awakening is so painful for me. It's just not easy to be me. I am so tired. But somehow I think God always puts a little hope in my heart. I do really want to survive. I do really want to win this battle.
Thank you

Sounds like me at 29 kenisha, that's when the voice spoke to me and awakened me to grace... and to my personal legend/destiny in fact.

[kenisha]

Aug 5, 2014 11:00:31 GMT baangus said:

Aug 5, 2014 10:58:01 GMT kenisha said:

Hey Kaz,



Thanks for posting those beautiful words 


I emotionally live alone since I was kid. Most of the times I lived under the darkness, loneliness and fear. I never really had anyone to protect or love me till today. But that's the moment I found God and my true self. Pain and suffering lead me to the realm of wisdom. Now I am 27 yo and I am going back to the start. Live my life from zero. Live a better life. I've been struggling. 

Sometimes, I really wanted to give up my life. I just couldn't endure the pain anymore. Like today, I've been in a very dark and hard moment in my life. I am so lonely and afraid. I have noone and nothing. This spiritual awakening is so painful for me. It's just not easy to be me. I am so tired. But somehow I think God always puts a little hope in my heart. I do really want to survive. I do really want to win this battle.
Thank you

Sounds like me at 29 kenisha, that's when the voice spoke to me and awakened me to grace... and to my personal legend/destiny in fact.

I am so happy to hear that. I am not alone then  But here I feel alone. I couldn't find people like me. That's why I want to be part of this spiritual forum. Finding like minded people. 

[baangus]

Aug 5, 2014 11:10:25 GMT kenisha said:

Aug 5, 2014 11:00:31 GMT baangus said:

Sounds like me at 29 kenisha, that's when the voice spoke to me and awakened me to grace... and to my personal legend/destiny in fact.

I am so happy to hear that. I am not alone then  But here I feel alone. I couldn't find people like me. That's why I want to be part of this spiritual forum. Finding like minded people. 

kenisha, for me it happened in the blink of an eye. My first 29 years of life was miserable. Then this state of grace that Kaz speaks of happened. It awoke me to my soul. It literally woke me up regarding the reality of my eternal soul, my higher self, and reincarnation and the assurance of our living many lifetimes in order to free us to achieve all we wish and long to be. And it happened in the blink of eye really, it changed my life overnight.

[kenisha]

Aug 5, 2014 11:15:54 GMT baangus said:

Aug 5, 2014 11:10:25 GMT kenisha said:

I am so happy to hear that. I am not alone then  But here I feel alone. I couldn't find people like me. That's why I want to be part of this spiritual forum. Finding like minded people. 

kenisha, for me it happened in the blink of an eye. My first 29 years of life was miserable. Then this state of grace that Kaz speaks of happened. It awoke me to my soul. It literally woke me up regarding the reality of my eternal soul, my higher self, and reincarnation and the assurance of our living many lifetimes in order to free us to achieve all we wish and long to be. And it happened in the blink of eye really, it changed my life overnight.

That sounds so amazing. You're so blessed. For me everything made me so confused. I don't know what will happen to me. I am not even sure that I can survive this day

[baangus]

Aug 5, 2014 11:19:43 GMT kenisha said:

I'm sorry to hear that kenisha. Have you considered speaking with a spiritual counselor?

[kenisha]

Aug 5, 2014 11:27:33 GMT baangus said:

Aug 5, 2014 11:19:43 GMT kenisha said:

I'm sorry to hear that kenisha. Have you considered speaking with a spiritual counselor?

Thank you for concern. I don't think that I can find someone. Please pray for me. May God help me

[donq]

Hi b,
Thanks for your warning, understanding and soothing words.

Hi Alena,
Ok. Thanks. Yes, it might be something else.

Hi kenisha,
Greetings. And welcome to our forum.
You are not alone! Kaz started this thread to tell that we all feel the same. But rhere’s always a light in the darkness. Always. And there’s always the arms of an angel that is reaching to us in many forms.
P.S. Sorry for replying all in one post.

[kenisha]

Aug 5, 2014 11:47:46 GMT donq said:

Hi b,
Thanks for your warning, understanding and soothing words.

Hi Alena,
Ok. Thanks. Yes, it might be something else.

Hi kenisha,
Greetings. And welcome to our forum.
You are not alone! Kaz started this thread to tell that we all feel the same. But rhere’s always a light in the darkness. Always. And there’s always the arms of an angel that is reaching to us in many forms.
P.S. Sorry for replying all in one post.

Hi donq, thank you very much. I've been trying to find the light and finding peace within me. I know it won't be easy but that's all what I need to do. 

[hemantm]

Wow great one you inspired me a lot. Thanks for posting such a beautiful words and inspiring others too. Keep on posting such types of forum.